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Post by deusmalum on Dec 14, 2009 12:59:31 GMT -5
I just want to know what happened to the First and Second Eagles of the Apocalypse. I suspect it involves contraception. Of the retroactive kind. Is Stephen Colbert an eagle of the apocolypse? Also, I call (-1)^(1/2)th Raccoon of Cataclysm Hehe. Imaginary Raccoon of the Cataclysm.
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Post by wmdkitty on Dec 15, 2009 1:26:18 GMT -5
Wait, wait, does hormonal birth control count? I don't wanna be Raptured!
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Post by Sigmaleph on Dec 15, 2009 11:44:57 GMT -5
If you post here, being Raptured should be the least of your concerns.
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Post by Haseen on Dec 23, 2009 19:44:24 GMT -5
Then again, some people might think condoms won't prevent them from being raptured. Which begs the question, what do they think will happen if they get raptured in the middle of the act? Will the condom go with them, or will they suddenly being had unprotected sex in raptureland?
Rapture fapfiction always makes up these scenarios where airplanes crash because the pilots got raptured. A more realistic scenario would be a lot of french fries getting burnt. Nobody will be there to take them out of the oil.
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Post by giantfossilpenguin on Jan 15, 2010 3:33:33 GMT -5
I always try to read that stuff about Onan literally, like what the fundies does. So, as far as I can see, the only issue is that Onan spilled his seed upon the ground; so, as long as no-one spaf- I mean spills their seed upon the actual floor surface, then they should be okay. This also has the plus side that we'll still give the fundies something to froth about as they argue about what actually constitues the 'ground'? It will be the RAI vs RAW argument to end them all!
GFP
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Post by Vene on Jan 15, 2010 5:32:25 GMT -5
Actually, the issue is that he was supposed to impregnate the woman as Yahweh had commanded. It's more about him disobeying his god than it is about what to do with semen.
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Post by Thejebusfire on Jan 27, 2010 16:23:09 GMT -5
I don't remember reading anything about condom use in Revelations. Or anywhere else in the bible.
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Post by Northumbrian on Apr 3, 2010 20:38:46 GMT -5
I don't remember reading anything about condom use in Revelations. Or anywhere else in the bible. I notice that "St John" (he doesn't say which one, but probably the one with the Revelations) talks about "the Raptured Protestants." Now, I haven't gone away and checked any Biblical concordances on this, but I'm pretty sure that none of the biblical "ST John"s actually specifies what is expected of PROTESTANTS. Incidentally, this bloke is probably a biblical literalist (the Rapture crowd all are) and yet he say that when "St John" talks about virgins, he doesn't mean "people who haven't had any sex life" or even "people who aren't getting any sex life now," he means people who are following OT rules on marriage. That's some twisting of the meaning of the word "virgin".
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Post by HarleyThomas1002 on Apr 3, 2010 23:31:06 GMT -5
I won't be raptured?
Phew, I was under the impression that I was automatically in al-Qaeda.
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Post by safaraz on Apr 4, 2010 5:36:34 GMT -5
Yeah, so long as you are moral about sex, then it doesn't matter what else you do you will still be "saved". All fundies seem to care about is other people's sex lives >_<
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Post by RavynousHunter on Apr 4, 2010 15:28:59 GMT -5
Because they have none of their own.
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Post by Oriet on Apr 4, 2010 17:00:15 GMT -5
Didn't we have a thread on this a while ago? Wait a minute... « Reply #21 on Jan 27, 2010, 4:23pm » « Reply #22 Yesterday at 8:38pm » Yesterday was April 3 rd, which means... [Modhat=On]
pvsutton, please do not necro a thread more than 30 days old unless it's with an update of the original topic, as per The Rules™.
[Modhat=Off]
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Post by Paradox on Apr 5, 2010 1:05:01 GMT -5
Even if you do not use condoms you will still not be raptured. Nobody will be. The rapture will not happen. It is not in the Bible. If there is one constant in this world, it is that we will all die. I will die. You will die. Everybody dies someday. If there is an afterlife, we will have to get there the hard way. By dying.
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Post by tolpuddlemartyr on Apr 11, 2010 22:36:54 GMT -5
I suppose he could be right that those who use condoms won't get raptured...but only because ya know...the rapture isn't going to happen anyways... If the condom gets ruptured are you still unraptured or do ruptured rubbers make for rapturing?
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Post by RavynousHunter on Apr 11, 2010 22:43:02 GMT -5
Going for added alliterative appeal?
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