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Post by godlesspanther on Oct 18, 2010 16:50:50 GMT -5
I had a couple of JWs show up at my door a while back. I was enjoying a glass of merlot and listening to Sonny Rollins. They asked me if I was a Bible-reader. I asked them if the were Jehovah's Witnesses. They said they were. I offered them a glass of wine and told them that I would tell them everything I knew about the JWs that I had learned from ex-members. THAT made them run away. No pamphlets, no Bible verses, no Watchtower, not even an "We'll pray for you," they just left in a hurry.
JWs are forbidden to associate with any ex-member or hear anything that is critical of their cult. Keep that in mind. I suppose I could have told them that I was an ex-JW myself, they would never had known otherwise. But what I did say did the trick -- all's well that ends in the JWs running away.
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Post by Random Guy on Oct 24, 2010 11:59:37 GMT -5
I've always wondered what would happen if the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons wound up at the same house at the same time, or at least ran into each other on the same street/apartment complex. Surely it has to have happened at some point.
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Post by MaybeNever on Oct 24, 2010 16:42:06 GMT -5
I've always wondered what would happen if the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons wound up at the same house at the same time, or at least ran into each other on the same street/apartment complex. Surely it has to have happened at some point. Mortal Kombat music starts playing and they have an epic god-fu battle on the lawn.
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Post by godlesspanther on Oct 24, 2010 18:03:21 GMT -5
I've always wondered what would happen if the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons wound up at the same house at the same time, or at least ran into each other on the same street/apartment complex. Surely it has to have happened at some point. It has to have happened. At least once. At LEAST once. Neither the Mormons nor the JWs would make any public report about it. The incident would have to be revealed by a nosy, sneaky third party who eaves-dropped. Ah, for all we know the Mormons and the JWs may be secretly allied. They may get together and establish turf. When the Mormons fail to get a convert they call up the JWs to see if they can do it and v-v. At some point they will publicly announce their alliance and quest for world domination as the Jehovah-Mormons. Paranoia. I like to indulge sometimes -- I just really hate it when I find evidence that supports my paranoid delusions.
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Post by gyeonghwa on Oct 25, 2010 16:42:26 GMT -5
I sleep in my panties. I eagerly await the day I am awakened by JW's, because it will give me an excuse to allow my bathrobe to slip and scar them for life. ....man, I'm just plain evil today. Goddamn, the next time a mormon or a JW comes to my house, I'm going to put on my new jockstrap. Incidently, I had a pair of Korean missionaries scope out my house. (The missionaries here knows my last name, which is of Korean origin.)
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Post by godlesspanther on Oct 25, 2010 19:50:04 GMT -5
I sleep in my panties. I eagerly await the day I am awakened by JW's, because it will give me an excuse to allow my bathrobe to slip and scar them for life. ....man, I'm just plain evil today. Goddamn, the next time a mormon or a JW comes to my house, I'm going to put on my new jockstrap. Incidently, I had a pair of Korean missionaries scope out my house. (The missionaries here knows my last name, which is of Korean origin.) Korean Missionaries? I can't help but think that there is a high probability that such people might be connected with The Unification Church, aka followers of the Reverend Sun Yung Moon, aka THE MOONIES!!! BTW -- nice divine fake eyelashes. If one were to only wear of the pair would that make you a demi-god?
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Post by atheistcrusader on Nov 7, 2010 12:26:31 GMT -5
My first experience with a witness was when i was about 8. My mum had started having studies with them they they came round one day during half term. At the time i was doing a project on dinosaurs and even at 8 i knew i wanted to be a paleontologist) and she told me that dinosaurs never existed and that god put fossils here to "test our faith". My response;
"dont be so stupid"
so even at 8 my mum knew i was going to be a thorn in their side. Today i look forward to them coming over as it gives me a chance to pwn (i mean debate!!) them. I must admit i do get a real kick from destroying them, but am still yet to achieve the ambition of making a JW an atheist....I live in hope. After all you knock my door your fair game!
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Post by lesigh on Nov 7, 2010 13:17:20 GMT -5
There's always the option of not opening your door in the first place. I watched from a window while two Jehovah's Witnesses prayed loudly on my front porch a year or so back. I don't answer the door in my pajamas. I found it creepy.
The Mormons though, they always catch me unaware. I tell them I already know about their faith and have a faith of my own. I'm unfailingly polite and they leave quickly. Of course, my most interesting LDS story comes from college. There were a bunch of missionary girls on campus (it was the first and last time I've seen LDS women as missionaries). One accosted me as I was trying to go to the library. Then, when I finally made it past her and into the library, I went to the restroom. As I left the stall, another LDS girl was waiting with BOM in hand to approach me (actually IN the ladies room). It was creepy as all get out. I told her I just talked to her friend outside and that approaching people in a public restroom was a bit much. As I left the library, I was approached by a girl I went to high school with, who I assumed was simply stopping to catch up. However, she had on the dreaded name tag too. Then my husband (who I was dating at the time) and I were going back to his apartment near campus one night and two LDS missionary girls were frightened out of their wits by our presence. They held hands and sang church songs in scared voices, while glancing back at us fearfully, as if we were about to assault them. I don't think I've ever fit anyone's description of dangerous or intimidating. Maybe it was my husband's long hair and all black clothing that did it. Very strange events in my book. Any religion that bans coffee is not the one for me.
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Post by Ranger Joe on Nov 18, 2010 12:18:06 GMT -5
Ah crapbaskets. I knew it was a Warhammer joke way too fast for someone who has never played the damn game or read any of the books... YOU PEOPLE HAVE CORRUPTED MY PURE MIND! The pull of Chaos is insidious, corrupting even those who know nothing of it. ...that would've been easier to write if I was up to date on Chaos fluff. Sadly I'm an Imperial Guard player. An open mind is like a fortress left unguarded with it's gates unbarred. The corruption of Chaos is a disease. The Emperor protects! Hail the Golden Throne!! As previously stated..I play Grey Knights ;D Vene..I swear..One of these days we will get that Warhammer 40k game to happen..
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Post by toothygrin on Nov 23, 2010 0:37:15 GMT -5
We used to get them coming around my parents' house; usually we wouldn't answer the door. Then one day, just before I moved out of my parents' house, they came by and I was feeling friendly (and more than a little bit confident -- this was well before I had the ammunition that this site, Normal Bob, and Venganza has given me). So, I answered.
Sure enough, it was an elder and youngster. "Hello, may we speak to you about the future?" I was actually rather amused by the way they said it, so I agreed. Of course, it turned immediately to the savior, the Bible, JC, and yadda yadda. I told them I didn't believe in those things. Their immediate reply was, "Then you have no hope for the future." (the thought bubble over my head: "oh, yer in for it now, sister.") Mind you, this is not word-for-word, but the conversation ran along this path:
Me: "Really? How can you stand there and actually say that? I believe I have even more hope than you do. Do you weep when you hear about a teenage girl being murdered and her body being left to rot in a shallow grave all the way across the country?" JW: "Well, yes, of course; that's a horrible thing." Me: "How'bout when a plane crashes, killing everyone aboard, or disease kills a newborn?" JW: "Very sad." Me: "I submit to you that it is because at this point in history, the value of even just a single human life is higher and more precious than at any other time. Just 50 years ago, no one bat an eye when they heard about a lynching happening, or the rape/beating/murder of individuals from an entire culture of humans. 100 years ago, no one bat an eye when people died in droves from syphilis, cancer, or typhoid. Now, we weep when a single child, thousands of miles away, die from simple neglect. We also live in a time where information and learning is at an all-time high. Communication and knowledge is at the tips of your very fingers! It may very well be in our lifetimes that the average age of a human reaches triple digits, and that within nary a few generations, our family vacations may be to visit Grandma and Grandpa at a lunar low-gravity rehabilitation center! So, how can you *possibly* say that I have anything but amazed awe and hope at a future so grand and glorious?"
And I must've gone on for ten minutes, challenging them with their own questions to the point that they were actually questioning themselves. It was then of course, that the elder grabbed the youngster and hurried off. Dangit, I was just getting interested, too -- they never came back again. No Watchtowers, no more visitations, calls, nothing. We were completely cut off from them. Heh.
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bfdd
Junior Member
Posts: 58
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Post by bfdd on Nov 23, 2010 23:54:41 GMT -5
My first experience was a bit weird. I never actually spoke to them but I was walking by with a dead baby in a Walmart bag which was awkward.
I should probably clarify that the dead baby was a pig not a human.
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Post by Napoleon the Clown on Nov 24, 2010 0:01:34 GMT -5
And here I was thinking your girlfriend had let you keep her late-term abortion.
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Post by terri on Nov 24, 2010 21:19:28 GMT -5
I had a couple of JWs show up at my door a while back. I was enjoying a glass of merlot and listening to Sonny Rollins. They asked me if I was a Bible-reader. I asked them if the were Jehovah's Witnesses. They said they were. I offered them a glass of wine and told them that I would tell them everything I knew about the JWs that I had learned from ex-members. THAT made them run away. No pamphlets, no Bible verses, no Watchtower, not even an "We'll pray for you," they just left in a hurry. JWs are forbidden to associate with any ex-member or hear anything that is critical of their cult. Keep that in mind. I suppose I could have told them that I was an ex-JW myself, they would never had known otherwise. But what I did say did the trick -- all's well that ends in the JWs running away. Just tell them you were disfellowshipped. They'll clam up and leave you alone.
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Post by Napoleon the Clown on Nov 24, 2010 22:22:36 GMT -5
Not far enough.
"I got ex-communicated after they caught me fucking my live-in girlfriend inside [appropriate religious building here]. Yes, she had my abortion."
For women, you switch it around so you were getting fucked. Abortion part stays, of course.
I guess gays and lesbians can do some switching up, too.
When it's truly important, that little extra bit is totally worth it.
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Post by gyeonghwa on Nov 26, 2010 19:15:04 GMT -5
Goddamn, the next time a mormon or a JW comes to my house, I'm going to put on my new jockstrap. Incidently, I had a pair of Korean missionaries scope out my house. (The missionaries here knows my last name, which is of Korean origin.) Korean Missionaries? I can't help but think that there is a high probability that such people might be connected with The Unification Church, aka followers of the Reverend Sun Yung Moon, aka THE MOONIES!!! I thought so too. Which is a scary thought. I don't mind having Korean realtors and Korean Lutherans/Presbyterian/Baptist/Methodists know where my address is, but MOONIES?!!! I guess that would make you Hurculean in nature.
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