Deputy Steven Seagal: Border Patrol

[QWcanary]

So I hear Steven Seagal has been deputized to help police the southern border.

His plan must be to show illegal immigrants a few of his movies so they never want to step foot here again! (Really, he should be showing his films to those that hire illegals!)

What is it with these tea party action heros?

[priestling]

... didn't they have some reality show bullshit about this a while back?

[SimSim]

Yeah, there was.

[priestling]

I thought this rang a bell. This ought to be entertaining. Or at least another in the long line of "things not to do" when he gets shot in the ass.

[scotsgit]

Wasn't there some story about him being beaten up by some Mafia types not so long ago, which ended with Seagal crying like a baby?

[Thejebusfire]

I never heard of that but I wouldn't be surprized if it was true.

[Iosa the Invincible]

Oct 17, 2011 17:26:19 GMT -5 scotsgit said:

Wasn't there some story about him being beaten up by some Mafia types not so long ago, which ended with Seagal crying like a baby?

I remember a story where the Sheriff authorized use of a tank, SWAT, and other excessive elements for Seagal when going to arrest one man suspected of cock-fighting.

[nickiknack]

Sorry, I have to post this:D

[scotsgit]

Oct 17, 2011 17:34:40 GMT -5 Thejebusfire said:

I never heard of that but I wouldn't be surprized if it was true.

I've only heard sketchy details, but what I read was that he had Mafia guys hanging around one of the sets he was on, so he made it known he'd "take care of them if they didn't leave", so they went and spoke to him, leaving him crying like a baby and refusing to leave his car.

In all honesty it wouldn't surprise if it were true, he comes across as someone who's swallowed too much of his own bullshit to still be attached to planet earth.

[QWcanary]

Speaking of swallowing his own bullshit, maybe his master plan is to scare off illegals with his super-duper awesome Lightning Bolt drink:

www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Steven_Seagal_s_Lightning_Bolt.aspx

[dietcokewithlemon]

It might work. Most Steven Seagal movies I have seen have a pre-credit fight scene where he beats up a bunch of hispanic guys to prove how good he is at fighting. These days the threat of him sitting on you is bad enough. Its the classic Chuck Norris/Jean Claude Van Damme/Steve Seagal opening scene. In 3 minutes or less the movie must demonstrate before the "story" begins:

1) The hero is a bad ass. This is achieved by a contrived fight scene with 3 gang members. Often hispanic for some reason. He must warn them off but ultimately has to cripple or kill them. While mocking them. Strangely most of these street gangs know martial arts themselves.

2) The hero is NOT GAY. Crowbar in scene with wife or children. Perhaps cringeworthy flirting with a female? Remember the hero is NOT GAY. He just likes to wrestle groups of men and make them cry. Of course he isn't gay. With that hair!!!

Akido "the Way of harmonious spirit". The first martial art I studied. A peaceful discipline which uses an opponents momentum against them in order to avoid violence. Its what Yoda would practice. I could never reconcile the fight scenes in Steve's movies, which are nothing more than glorified torture and mutilation, with the art he claims to practice.

[Armand Tanzarian]

For those mentioning the raid, here it is. Its fairly old news now. But in any case its an arrest that involved among other things, a tank, all for a cockfighting charge. All done on taxpayer money for a second rate reality show.

www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2011/09/02/actor-steven-seagal-and-sheriff-joe-arpaio-dispute-puppycide/

Earlier in the year, Phoenix police investigated Llovera due to what they said was his role in a kidnapping scheme related to a lost $5 million drug shipment, which led officers to break down his door in February. The Phoenix kidnapping investigation lost steam, and detectives turned the animal-cruelty aspects of the case over to sheriff's deputies, who themselves broke down Llovera's door a month later. The cockfighting case is pending.

[QWcanary]

What inspired me to post (and make fun of Steven "I run like I'm waving away a fart" Seagal is an article from a couple of days ago:

marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/10/14/steven-seagal-hired-to-control-u-s-mexico-border/?iref=allsearch

[shykid]

Oct 18, 2011 9:37:49 GMT -5 Armand Tanzarian said:

All done on taxpayer money for a second rate reality show.

Apparently, helping poor people get back on their feet is a waste of taxpayer money, but this isn't.

[Iosa the Invincible]

Oct 18, 2011 9:37:49 GMT -5 Armand Tanzarian said:

For those mentioning the raid, here it is. Its fairly old news now. But in any case its an arrest that involved among other things, a tank, all for a cockfighting charge. All done on taxpayer money for a second rate reality show.

www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2011/09/02/actor-steven-seagal-and-sheriff-joe-arpaio-dispute-puppycide/

Earlier in the year, Phoenix police investigated Llovera due to what they said was his role in a kidnapping scheme related to a lost $5 million drug shipment, which led officers to break down his door in February. The Phoenix kidnapping investigation lost steam, and detectives turned the animal-cruelty aspects of the case over to sheriff's deputies, who themselves broke down Llovera's door a month later. The cockfighting case is pending.

I heard that the Phoenix sheriff is a real piece of work who has used his power to start investigations against his political opponents, cops who've investigated him, people who openly criticize him, and even judges who refused to rule in his favor. So yeah.