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Post by the sandman on Nov 12, 2011 9:05:03 GMT -5
OK folks, this is an odd one. I have been contacted by a regular, long-term user of the board about a very personal question. He (as you will be able to tell, it is obviously a man) would like to get utterly honest feedback on this question. The only way to really do that is to ask the question anonymously.
We discussed it, and he did not want to simply make a sock-puppet, so he passed the question to me to post for him.
This is important to him. Be honest and forthright with your feedback. (And no, it's not me. My family medical history would prevent me from doing what he is considering.)
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Post by Art Vandelay on Nov 12, 2011 9:21:14 GMT -5
Heh, I think I've narrowed it down to two possible people. I feel smart.
Anyhoo, in my view the ethical considerations are a no-brainer, go for it. As I see it, the kid for all intents and purposes will be part of a completely different family with the only link to you being genetic. The importance of this genetic link is really only significant culturally, considering it'll have no bearing on anyone's day to day life.
All that said, the reality is that the stuff you mentioned regarding the implications further down the track is certainly an important concern. Regardless of ethics, it can certainly make things very, shall we say, complicated, and I guess the only answer to that is whether or not you feel its worth the risk. That said, unlike blood, organ and charity donations, sperm isn't exactly going to save anyone's life and as such it may be best to err on the side of caution in this case.
Well those are my thoughts, do with them what you will.
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Post by Doctor Fishcake on Nov 12, 2011 9:36:41 GMT -5
Those are all entirely valid concerns, I would say though once you have a child at all by whatever means a lot of things become beyond your control and it's just as feasible that a child would grow up to resent parents that raised them. Ultimately you have to put faith the family raising the child doing the best they can to make them accepting of their origins.
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Post by SimSim on Nov 12, 2011 14:08:38 GMT -5
I don't think there is any ethical dilemma with not fathering a child when you're the sperm donor. The donor typically (I can think of a few situations where they might) doesn't and isn't expected to have any part of a potential child's life.
I can see when a child or children are older they may wish to know the biological father if they know they were the result of sperm donation. I'm not really sure why Anon would feel that a child would be mad, I can see them being curious about why Anon chose to donate sperm. I'm very curious why Anon thinks a child would be upset at them for sperm donation, if Anon wishes to PM the answer I will their identity private.
It's really impossible to know what their relationship with the child would be if the child chose to find out the identity of Anon. I feel the answer is the same to the question about what their children would think of the child that resulted from donation. So many things influence the situation that it'd be impossible to know.
Again with how future partners would react it's impossible to know.
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Post by Yaezakura on Nov 12, 2011 16:07:48 GMT -5
Honestly, it may not even be an issue. As a recent Cracked article illustrates, being accepted as a sperm donor in the first place is all but impossible. You need a perfectly clean family medical history going back like 4 generations, have to meet certain height requirements, forget it if you're not white or have red hair, and a million other factors, all of which can get you disqualified.
And the ethical considerations are, honestly, too much headache to be worth the trouble. I realize the service is needed, and that no court has ever ruled that donors are responsible for the children that result from donations, but odds are fairly good the eventual kids will want to track down their "real" dad, and even if you keep your info anonymous, DNA testing is used by donor kids more and more often to track them down. It can result in a whole lot of drama, and honestly, I don't think it's worth any potential hardship it would put future relationships in.
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Post by Dragon Zachski on Nov 12, 2011 16:11:17 GMT -5
The sperm provider is only a father in the biological sense. Not in the familial sense.
The child's parents who take care of him/her would be the real parent(s). If they're seeking out a sperm bank, it likely indicates that they can't have a child on their own.
So, actually, you'd be doing them a service. You'd be providing someone with a child they want. So, I say go for it.
And if the child decides to seek you out, out of curiosity, I don't think they'd be angry about it.
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Post by tolpuddlemartyr on Nov 12, 2011 17:17:56 GMT -5
I don't think that the child need be angry with you. What Dragon said, the child's real familial relationship is with their adopted parents.
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Post by davedan on Nov 12, 2011 17:41:05 GMT -5
The thing about sperm donation is that presently under Australian law a sperm donor can be considered the father. There is no guarantee of anonymity and so there is a chance that subsequently many years later you may be contacted by your IVF offspring. You just have to be ready for that should it happen. There is also a slim possibility of a claim being made against you for child support, however as I said it is slim.
Having had kids I would be happy to donate sperm now but my wife wouldn't be very happy about it. Having seen my own children I really like the idea of more of my genetic material being propagated.
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Post by Armand Tanzarian on Nov 12, 2011 18:03:05 GMT -5
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Post by lighthorseman on Nov 13, 2011 1:23:15 GMT -5
That is utterly ridiculous in its serendipity to Anon's posting. Does Anon write for Cracked, possibly?
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Post by m52nickerson on Nov 13, 2011 12:00:24 GMT -5
I'm going to say that this person should not do it. I'm not going to pretend to understand how much a couple wants their own child, but there are simple better options. Adoption being the main one.
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Post by sylvana on Nov 14, 2011 2:36:03 GMT -5
I think the concerns noted by anonymous are valid worries. I know that if I had to have a child I knew nothing about come back into my life even slightly it would affect me quite deeply. While I understand that it offers couples who are incapable of having children on their own a chance, I cant help but feel that knowing that there is a biological child out there in the world would worry me.
I am really conflicted by this. On one hand, as someone who cannot have children myself, I would support the idea. On the other hand, The issues raised would scare me and worry me too. I would always feel like I should be helping my biological offspring to live their best.
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Post by Haseen on Nov 14, 2011 6:02:02 GMT -5
I'm going to say that this person should not do it. I'm not going to pretend to understand how much a couple wants their own child, but there are simple better options. Adoption being the main one. This. Also, sperm donation is not in the same category as blood or organ donation. Sure, it might improve someone's life, but it won't save anyone's life.
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Post by lighthorseman on Nov 14, 2011 7:15:58 GMT -5
I'm going to say that this person should not do it. I'm not going to pretend to understand how much a couple wants their own child, but there are simple better options. Adoption being the main one. This. Also, sperm donation is not in the same category as blood or organ donation. Sure, it might improve someone's life, but it won't save anyone's life. Although it might create someone's life. Which is more significant... saving life or creating it?
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Nov 14, 2011 8:01:37 GMT -5
Although it might create someone's life. Which is more significant... saving life or creating it? As a general rule of thumb, I'd say saving it.
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