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Post by nightangel1282 on Dec 30, 2011 2:48:05 GMT -5
Me and my siblings used to get the belt, mostly on clothed behinds, but I have one recollection of him doing it on my bare butt (that was the time he caught me playing with fire in the house when I was nine... something I was definitely old enough to know not to do). Each time he would sit with me after and explain to me what I had done wrong, and WHY I should not do those things.
Now, understand, I don't advocate the use of the belt or any other foreign objects. My dad easily could have gotten his point across with spanking me with his hand and then giving me the talks afterward. But I do think for extreme situations (situations that could cause injury to the child or others, or severe damage of property) spanking on clothed bottoms is acceptable. But those situations should always involve a detailed explanation of what the child did wrong and why their behaviour was so dangerous.
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Post by Iosa the Invincible on Dec 30, 2011 6:31:18 GMT -5
My siblings and I were spanked when we were little, though it wasn't the go-to method. The more effective method of punishment was being stood in the corner. And I mean actually standing in the corner; sitting usually wasn't an option. I can't remember the longest time any of us stood there, but I'm pretty sure it was under an hour, perhaps even under 30 minutes. We usually stood there for about 15 minutes before it got unbearable. I mean, to a little kid, 15 minutes without anything to do while standing feels like forever. I remember once I had to choose between getting spanked and being stood in the corner. I chose getting spanked because it was faster.
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Dec 30, 2011 7:44:45 GMT -5
I came to figure out why I hate this line. The usual "I turned out okay" - NO, NO, YOU FUCKING DIDN'T! YOU THINK HITTING CHILDREN is okay! You did NOT turn out okay yourself, you turned out fucked up in the goddamn head! Otherwise, you'd be as outraged as the REST of us are. Us SANE people. THIS. So much. It's called "perpetuating the cycle of abuse", and it's not fucking healthy.
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Post by The_L on Dec 30, 2011 10:23:39 GMT -5
I got spankings, too. And not always with a bare hand on a clothed body part. Did I survive? Yes, in case you couldn't tell, I did survive it. I am not in any way permanently physically damaged by the comparatively downright mild abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents as a child. But just because something doesn't scar doesn't mean it won't cause resonating damage for a lifetime. I fear my parents, and I honestly truly do not love them in the slightest. I fear strangers who raise their voices or their hands, even though I know realistically that I'm not likely to get my ass kicked by anyone else ever again. (I mean, unless I encounter skinheads or something.) I can't control my fear of people who look like they might at some point in the future consider POTENTIALLY getting physical with me. No one reacts that way who isn't legitimately afraid. And after all this, I did not become a respectful, law-abiding adult. I became an adult with depression and a drug problem who can't maintain even the most casual of relationships with other people. I also learned quite young how to be a very good liar and extremely--almost IMPRESSIVELY--sneaky. I didn't learn how to behave myself; I just learned how not to get caught. These are not admirable traits. This, minus the drug problem. I have a weird love-fear-hate relationship with my dad, and it hasn't gotten much better with distance. I feel horribly guilty about it, too, which is probably mild Stockholm Syndrome or something. My mom rarely spanked me, though, and was generally reasonable about most things (I cannot think of a single lecture or punishment from my mother when I was a kid that I did not fully deserve), so I don't have conflicted feelings toward her. She's also the one who tended to calm Dad back down after he lost his temper. My parents would take my game consoles away and put it in a box I couldn't use until a few days later. My mom did that to my brother, but it isn't so good of a punishment when the sibling uses something as much as the person who's being punished. I remember when I was in college and my bro was still in high school, and he got his Gamecube taken away, I waited until everyone else was gone, got it out, played for an hour, put it back in my parents' closet, and went to class. I committed this act of passive-aggressive "rebellion" because I thought it was unfair for them to take away the ONE thing that both of us enjoyed equally, instead of his boombox or something else he liked.
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Post by Smurfette Principle on Dec 30, 2011 10:26:57 GMT -5
My mom would chase us with a wooden spoon, but it was more fear of the spoon than anything - we'd get maybe one light swot across the bottom. My parents prefer to yell, which has its own set of problems, but no discipline style is perfect.
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on Dec 30, 2011 10:29:29 GMT -5
My mom used the belt until my youngest brothers were about 5, then it was all screaming, guilt-tripping, making us feel like worthless pieces of crap, and threatening us with a belt until we saw through the bluffs.
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Post by Meshakhad on Dec 30, 2011 14:54:52 GMT -5
My mom did the spoon thing as well but she actually broke them on us. And was proud of it. A cute little tradition between my parents is that my dad gives my mom a new wooden spoon for Giftmas every year--it looks sweet because my mom likes to cook, but the reality is that he was always replacing the ones she broke on my brother and me. You should sneak into the kitchen and break them yourself.
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Post by Wykked Wytch on Dec 30, 2011 15:49:34 GMT -5
My mom used the belt until my youngest brothers were about 5, then it was all screaming, guilt-tripping, making us feel like worthless pieces of crap, and threatening us with a belt until we saw through the bluffs. Except for the belt part, this fits my mom to a tee. In the absence of proper discipline (which is always), she just resorts to screaming her head off about how lazy and stupid we are.
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Post by jackmann on Dec 30, 2011 16:11:17 GMT -5
My parents would just calmly explain how my bad behavior disappointed them, and they knew I could do better than that.
I think, in some respects, I would've preferred the spanking.
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Post by Dragon Zachski on Dec 30, 2011 22:38:35 GMT -5
My parents would just calmly explain how my bad behavior disappointed them, and they knew I could do better than that. I think, in some respects, I would've preferred the spanking. You mean treating children like they're intelligent by explaining things to them is more effective than treating them like sub-human animals!? </fake shock>
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Dec 30, 2011 22:53:56 GMT -5
My mom used the belt until my youngest brothers were about 5, then it was all screaming, guilt-tripping, making us feel like worthless pieces of crap, and threatening us with a belt until we saw through the bluffs. Except for the belt part, this fits my mom to a tee. In the absence of proper discipline (which is always), she just resorts to screaming her head off about how lazy and stupid we are. Sounds a bit like my dad. Scream your head off, make abusive comments, make violent gestures, then waltz off and never apologize for your behavior.
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Post by jackmann on Dec 30, 2011 23:01:36 GMT -5
My parents would just calmly explain how my bad behavior disappointed them, and they knew I could do better than that. I think, in some respects, I would've preferred the spanking. You mean treating children like they're intelligent by explaining things to them is more effective than treating them like sub-human animals!? </fake shock> I know. You'd almost think we were civilized human beings.
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on Dec 30, 2011 23:29:19 GMT -5
You mean treating children like they're intelligent by explaining things to them is more effective than treating them like sub-human animals!? </fake shock> I know. You'd almost think we were civilized human beings. Hey now. We don't take too kindly to talk of "civilized" and "human beings" 'round these here parts.
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Post by Wykked Wytch on Dec 30, 2011 23:52:10 GMT -5
Except for the belt part, this fits my mom to a tee. In the absence of proper discipline (which is always), she just resorts to screaming her head off about how lazy and stupid we are. Sounds a bit like my dad. Scream your head off, make abusive comments, make violent gestures, then waltz off and never apologize for your behavior. My dad's just an immature 13-year-old pothead in the body of a 50-something-year-old man. He called me a bitch once when I asked him to fix the TV so that other members of the house could actually reach the box. >_>
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Dec 31, 2011 4:28:55 GMT -5
That's my dad as well. I actually confronted him and my mom (separately) years ago about their behaviour towards me growing up. Essentially I said, 'Look I know I'm fucked up and I accept my own responsibility in my total lack of coping ability, but you guys weren't the best parents and I want you to accept your part in this and apologize to me for treating me the way you did so I can start putting some of this behind me.' Their responses were the same: "You can't blame me for that, I've done nothing wrong." Yeah, I've given up on ever hearing an apology for the crap he put my family through. Sucks, but I try not to dwell on it.
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