Post by Dragon Zachski on Jun 24, 2009 17:37:45 GMT -5
(Warning: Total tongue-in-cheek)
Harken all ye infidels. Cast aside your faith in skygods and spaghetti monsters.
It is time for you to hear about the ONE religion. Environism.
You atheists say you can't see any gods, so you won't believe in any. Well there is one-- and you are standing on him.
Earth is the one true god, and we are but a PEST on his face. We, who were exiled from Arret, our previous planet-God. We have invaded his delicate ecosystem and driven it out of order like the filthy beings we are, and we even dare to say that we have evolved from his bodily fluids.
He is growing angry. Just like the mosquito you swat on your arm, someday soon, Earth will swat us. And it will be bloody, and all of humanity will burn in Earth's fiery core for all eternity, never dying.
For every person that pollutes the environment, Earth only grows closer to destroying us. Every tree cut down is a step closer to the total annihilation of our species.
Therefore, I call to ye; repent and be active! For those who refuse to convert, you must be destroyed lest ye destroy us all!
For those who have been blessed with a discerning mind, here is what you must do to appease Earth; ye must collect seeds naturally fallen from the trees and plants around you. Remove all TVs, computers, and any other conveniences and plant trees and other plants in pots. You are to water them every day; they are your masters now. When they have grown big enough, you must plant them and grow more plants. No TV shall infest your house, and you may only be allowed to use a computer so that Earth may tell you what you must do through me.
Should enough people do this, Earth may even take the kindness of enslaving us rather than destroying us, for we are scum.
Rock and Tree.
Harken all ye infidels. Cast aside your faith in skygods and spaghetti monsters.
It is time for you to hear about the ONE religion. Environism.
You atheists say you can't see any gods, so you won't believe in any. Well there is one-- and you are standing on him.
Earth is the one true god, and we are but a PEST on his face. We, who were exiled from Arret, our previous planet-God. We have invaded his delicate ecosystem and driven it out of order like the filthy beings we are, and we even dare to say that we have evolved from his bodily fluids.
He is growing angry. Just like the mosquito you swat on your arm, someday soon, Earth will swat us. And it will be bloody, and all of humanity will burn in Earth's fiery core for all eternity, never dying.
For every person that pollutes the environment, Earth only grows closer to destroying us. Every tree cut down is a step closer to the total annihilation of our species.
Therefore, I call to ye; repent and be active! For those who refuse to convert, you must be destroyed lest ye destroy us all!
For those who have been blessed with a discerning mind, here is what you must do to appease Earth; ye must collect seeds naturally fallen from the trees and plants around you. Remove all TVs, computers, and any other conveniences and plant trees and other plants in pots. You are to water them every day; they are your masters now. When they have grown big enough, you must plant them and grow more plants. No TV shall infest your house, and you may only be allowed to use a computer so that Earth may tell you what you must do through me.
Should enough people do this, Earth may even take the kindness of enslaving us rather than destroying us, for we are scum.
Rock and Tree.