--I'm pissed off about this whole FSTDT debacle. This is just fucking ridiculous... but I'll deal. I've dealt with worse - this will be a cakewalk, all things considered...
--I'm ticked off because a very small handful of people that I hang out with decided to do something painfully fucking retarded, and
completely and utterly ruined something that had been really fun, and have probably completely destroyed it... but that won't be known for a little while yet. I still talk to them, but damn if I'm
just barely restraining myself from just going fucking ballistic on them and telling them exactly what I think of them right now.
--As unhealthy as it is, I'm still pissed enough to want to cause harm to the...
person that my birth certificate identifies as my paternal parent. When I think of the mess he left my mother and brothers in... I know what city he lives in, I know what his truck looks like (the dumb fuck even has business magnets with his name on them on the doors...) I know the bars he hangs out at... God, it would be so
easy, if I could bother myself to actually go all the way down to Florida...
--On the other hand, I'm angry at my mother for being pissed at
me for not being a miracle worker, and for not being able to stay at her house... or what's left of it... the last time I was there. I know she's severely depressed, obscenely overworked (80+ weeks,
every fucking week, because Wal-Mart is apparently trying to work her to death...) and suffering from a lot of untreated pain and illness... but that's
not my fault, god damn it! If I
could do something about it... if I could raise a million dollars to build her a new house and clean up and fix up her property, get her in to see a
real doctor instead of one of the local free-clinic
hacks, and get her a new job...
I would, and I would do it in a heartbeat without even
one second thought...
but I can't. It makes me feel like a fucking failure, but... I can't, and I wish she'd stop treating me like dirt because of that.
--...which leads me to being
MURDEROUSLY pissed off at that damned community.
EVERYONE in that fucking town knows what she's going through, and
NONE of them have done a
single thing to help her. Not. One. Person. Not even members of our own fucking family - in fact,
those selfish, self-serving pig-fuckers have only been making things
worse, even threatening to
shoot her goddamned animals.
I wonder how they'd feel if someone threatened to kill
their pets and livestock.
I could just... burn down that whole fucking town. I swear to god. I'm that pissed.
Anyway.
--I hate being forced to subsist on $7 worth of food per week. I'm sick of having to eat
junk just because that's all I can afford. If
someone would actually
budget money (or let
me look at the budget, instead of continually brushing me off and treating me like I'm fucking stupid and useless,) we'd be able to get more, but NOOOOOO,
we can't do that.
And did I mention that, even though we're strictly limited to a grand total of $25-30 worth of groceries per week (for three adults,) the one housemate
somehow manages to produce $30+ for
fast food?Mostly for
himself?
Every week? Yeah.
--I also hate not having any damn furniture (particularly a
bed, because I'm sick and fucking tired of sleeping on our
single piece of
real furniture - a
30-year-old couch.) Sure, the housemates will
gladly drop $300 on a new computer that we
don't really need, or
yet another video game console, or video games and CCGs... but a halfway decent couch and at least one
actual (i.e.:
not a fucking air mattress) bed? Out of the fucking question, apparently. Oh, sure, there's usually some mealy-mouthed mumbling about "looking at furniture," but
looking isn't
getting... and they always manage to conveniently "forget" to look, anyway.
(Or I just get told to "look at Craigslist..." with the caveat being that a.) the furniture has to be less than $40, and b.) the seller has to deliver, because apparently no one can be bothered to rent a fucking pickup truck. Heh. Guess how many items on the local Craigslist fit
those criteria? Tick... tick... tick... DING!
NONE!)
--I'm getting increasingly pissed over not being able to get my own goddamned driver's license. I have a car, but I can't drive it unless another,
licensed adult is in the car with me. And guess what? The only person with a
license around here, who could ride with me,
always finds a reason not to. Never mind that he broke the damn steering wheel column in
my car and won't get it fixed, even though he keeps saying that he will...
--...you know what? I'm just sick and fucking tired of being treated like either a complete incompetent, or the
bad guy, by my housemates whenever I
dare to speak up,
period. I am
sick to the gills of NEVER being listened to.
Every fucking time I bring up cleaning, or furniture, or
actually budgeting money and/or spending money on things that would benefit
all of us instead of just more useless clutter that only
they ever use, or
anything like that... or if I even express
any kind of frustration, anger, or hurt at never being listened to.. I get shot down and treated like crap and am pretty much left feeling completely and totally worthless. At this point, most of the time, I just feel like the only reason I stay here is because I
literally have abso-fucking-lutely
nowhere else to go.
...Mnnh. Great. Now I've gone and worked myself right back into feeling depressed and angry -_- I need to go do something to vent now...