I'll call myself Pastafarian and a Carlinist.
Vypernight, could you please explain Vaginalism to everyone?
Considering 3 people already voted for it, I'd be happy to. The Vaginalist Church was created by my fiancee and me, with a few other people offering input.
Vaginalism is the belief that your actions and thoughts revolve mostly around the next opportunity to get some. Instead of worshiping an invisible being, you worship your partner (or yourself if you don't have one). Basically, you try not to be a total prick because people who are upset may not be able to enjoy themselves as much, since their attention is split. That, and if you have it on your conscience, you may not be able to fully enjoy the experience.
Vaginalism has been around for thousands of years, though with many religions violently controlling sex, it has been kept out of the way. Vaginalism is believe to be brought to villages from Europe to the far east by a group of beings called Pash, who actually need the passion to live. They showed people how best to enjoy their experiences. The first recorded instance was in a village in Scandinavia around 1000 B.C. A being who called herself Mona brought the teachings to a couple, and they turned a violently restricted village to a place of pure peace and bliss. This may be why many countries in Scandinavia have few restrictions on sex.
For the record, the don't know if these stories are true or if the Pash really exist. Some, especially those with abnormally high drives, believe their are desendants of those beings. However, belief in Pash or in the history of Vaginalism is optional and left to each individual.
Other points about Vaginalism:
-You don't need to worry about going to Heaven when you die because you can go (or come, depending on your point of view) whenever you wish).
-Hell is when you and/or your partner have a headache.
-We don't have a Bible, but the Kama Sutra or any issue of Penthouse or Forum works just fine.
-Vaginalism is very compatible with other religions. We believe Abraham (or was it Moses?) really was inspired by a burning bush, and Moses really did part the Red C. Pastafarians are cool because pasta=energy and energy=more worship. Also, and religion which promotes meditation is respected since many Vaginalists have found that meditation results in improved experiences.
-Of course, if the religion promotes chastity, you may have problems.
-Although Vaginalists only observe one holiday (December 21, longest night of the year), they are free to celebrate any holiday and religious event that they wish, even if it means giving up abstinence for Lent.
-Vaginalism has only a few things we discourage: Sex with children (let them discover at their ownpace, plus, it seems to cause them emotional damage, and that goes against the original purpose of Vaginalism), sex with animals (let's keep it in the species), sex with the dead (eww), rape (we're against forcing religion on others), and cheating (if at least one person in the equation doesn't know, it just creates a big mess that ruins the point entirely). Besides those, we're pretty open.
-Oh yeah, Vaginalists believe that man/woman is natural, man/man is natural, and woman/woman is natural, though also entertaining (a woman came up with that last part, BTW).
-Oh yeah, we also are Not a tax-exempt organization. We pay taxes on Every cent that we bring in (We don't accept donations, though, but the thought is there).
-Although we don't directly accept donations, we encourage any tithes to go to your local adult store or web site.
-Becoming a Vaginalist is easy; simply declare you are and go get some! Then start feeling the love today!
If I missed anything or if you have any questions, let me know.
Take care,
Jay