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Post by Green-Eyed Lilo on Mar 4, 2009 9:15:50 GMT -5
Well, bless Buzzardhut's shriveled little heart, he's trying to be funny. I'm surprised.
POSW, I'm amazed that you found the time and energy for those rebuttals! I can't take reading the whole thing now, but I'll come back for little bites.
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Post by Vene on Mar 4, 2009 10:17:55 GMT -5
This one stuck out to me and pisses me off. It's not like there are any atheists out there who study biology. No, not at all. I'm willing to bet that I have more knowledge of biology than all of Rapture Ready combined.
And don't fucking dis Dr. Gould or Futurama.
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Pookie
Junior Member
Posts: 55
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Post by Pookie on Mar 4, 2009 10:18:37 GMT -5
I got to number 3 and my ears started to bleed..........but am allergic to stupid. That's a pretty scary allergic reaction. Have you been to the doctor?
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Post by The Lazy One on Mar 4, 2009 14:50:51 GMT -5
# You demand that theists explain news items where bad things have happened to theists, even though no theists on the board have claimed that belief in God is some kind of a lucky charm that wards off bad luck. [glow=red,2,300] You guys are the ones who think that believing in god is a magical lucky charm, not us. [/glow] # You demand that theists explain news items where theists do bad things, even though no theists on the board have claimed that it is impossible for theists to do bad things. [glow=red,2,300] If you fundies keep claiming that only atheists do bad things and that theists are so much more moral than the atheists, you should expect to defend your position when things like that happen.[/glow]
# The only Commandments you know are the ones that are unconstitutional. [glow=red,2,300] Uh, Thou shalt not kill? Thou shalt not steal? Thou shalt not covet? Thou shalt not commit adultery? Ok, I'm stuck. But not killing people is very Constitutional.[/glow]
# You can't remember if she was Mother or Sister Teresa, but you can name every pedophile priest listed in the media over the last seven years. [glow=red,2,300] Mother Teresa. And no, I can't name every pedo priest. [/glow]
# You feel that Marilyn Manson is really, really profound.
[glow=red,2,300] I don't listen to him.[/glow]
# You think the song "Dear God" by XTC is really, really, really................really meaningful.
[glow=red,2,300]Never heard it before. [/glow] # You are funding or filming a movie called "Heart of the Beholder" a Secular Humanist movie telling a true story of a video store renting out the movie "The Last Temptation of Christ." The fundamentalist Christian community is in protest of this store renting this movie out. Of course, you also create the image that all Christians were not only opposed to this movie but the fact that with less then 10% of your nation who actually believes in secular philosophy, this movie is actually going to make money. The filmmakers might be suffering from the same kind of false hope they think believers are.[glow=red,2,300]
For crying out loud, I'm a high school student! I'm not made of money! How could I afford to fund a movie?[/glow]
# You believe that emotional response interferes with rational thinking. Yet, you think George Carlin is the greatest comedian of all times, because he makes you laugh. [glow=red,2,300] George Carlin is hilarious. Yes, he makes me laugh, but so do Sarah Silverman, Margaret Cho and my friend Greg. I don't know if I'd call any of them the greatest comedian of all time, though.[/glow]
# You're saving up to move to some more enlightened place, like Sweden. [glow=red,2,300] I'm not leaving the country until I graduate, at least. So no, I'm busy saving money to pay for university. [/glow]
# You feel that the separation of church and state is a much more important issue than abortion, euthanasia, or infanticide. [glow=red,2,300] Infanticide is covered under murder. Euthanasia is voluntary, you know, and abortion, while I dislike it, is a necessary evil.[/glow]
# You label any change whatsoever in Christian theology or behavior as 'secularization.'[glow=red,2,300]
Nope. I see changes in Christian behavior as "adaptation", but you probably wouldn't know what that means.[/glow]
# You were too sophisticated to be afraid of (very real) "Reds under the bed" but you nevertheless see Christians behind every act of "evil" in the western world.[glow=red,2,300]
I see corrupt motivation behind every act of evil in the world. [/glow]
# You deface money by scribbling God off of dollar bills. [glow=red,2,300] You think I have that kind of time? Also, writing on dollars makes it so the snack machine at school won't take them, and I kind of like being able to have a nom after school, so no, I don't write on my money.[/glow]
# You think God was cruel for killing all of those innocent babies in the flood, and that Christians are cruel for opposing a woman's right to abort her baby. [glow=red,2,300] Babies != fetuses. And I oppose abortion when a fetus can survive outside the womb.[/glow]
# You think that Reverend Fred Phelps does what he does because of his Christianity, but Reverend Fred Rogers did what he did in spite of his Christianity. [glow=red,2,300] Fred Rogers? Is that Mr. Rogers? I loved his show when I was little! And Fred Phelps is a douchebag- nothing more to it.[/glow]
# You think the USA is a theocracy. [glow=red,2,300] It's not a theocracy, but you loonies are trying to make it one![/glow]
# Public acknowledgments of God remind you of 9/11. [glow=red,2,300] No, but it does scare me. Some of you have the potential to be suicide bombers, I'm afraid.[/glow]
# You can't see any difference between publicly acknowledging God(where atheists can hear),and making African-Americans use separate restrooms,or sit at the back of buses. [glow=red,2,300] There's a big difference.[/glow]
# You spell America "AermiKKKa" and Christian "KKKristian".
[glow=red,2,300]No. [/glow] # You quite rightly denounce the methods of those who deny the historicity of the Holocaust, then use the same methods(inventing excuses to ignore evidence)to deny the historicity of Jesus. [glow=red,2,300] Hey, he might have existed, he might not have. I'm not passing judgement on that. [/glow]
# You think it violates the separation of church and state for a city to have a name like Corpus Christi("Body of Christ"), Los Angeles("The Angels"),Las Cruces("The Cross"),Sacrament-o, or anything with San(saint),Santa(holy),or Saint in it.
[glow=red,2,300]Santa is holy? NO WAY! I knew it![/glow]
# You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography only has to look the other way. [glow=red,2,300] I don't care if you want to put a nativity scene up. Just don't bitch if someone tries to put an alternate scene next to it.[/glow]
# You object to any mention of "God" and "Jesus" in the media and education systems — except as swear words. [glow=red,2,300] I don't care if you mention them or not. [/glow] # You go to a church wedding or funeral, but only to pray ostentatiously to "the woman upstairs". [glow=red,2,300] Everyone knows atheists pray ostentatiously to the FSM, dumbass! And when I go to weddings or funerals, I just sit there and reflect.[/glow]
# You have not seen "The Passion of the Christ," and you don’t know anyone who has seen it. [glow=red,2,300] I haven't seen it, no, but I'd rather not watch Christian BDSM movies, thank you. But I do know many people who have seen it.[/glow]
# You think marriage is an obsolete fundy institution — except for homosexuals. [glow=red,2,300] You want to get married? Fine. Bob and Joe want to get married? Fine. Jill and Jane want to get married? Fine. I don't give a flying foot. [/glow] # You believe that gender roles are the product of Christian patriarchy, but homosexuals are born that way. [glow=red,2,300] Gender roles are a bunch of bullshit. A boy can sew and clean and cook if he wants to, and a girl can play with cars and trucks. [/glow]
# You oppose studying telling schoolkids that the Pilgrim Fathers came to America to practise Christianity free of persecution, that the Declaration of Independence mentions a Creator, and that the first public schools used a Bible as a textbook. But you support using "Heather Has Two Mommies" as wholesome literature. [glow=red,2,300] Go ahead and teach that, since the Declaration does mention a creator. Just don't try to promote one religion over another. [/glow] # You support gay rights when they first pushed for ‘rights’, because ‘what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is no one else’s business’. But then you want public approval and want to ban disapproval even in private situations. [glow=red,2,300] What two consenting adults do in their own house is their business, not yours. I don't care if you don't like it- keep it to yourself. [/glow] # You think that protestors outside nuclear power plants are dedicated activists, but protestors outside abortion clinics are dangerous zealots interfering with a legal activity. [glow=red,2,300] If the protests outside the abortion clinics remain peaceful and at a safe distance, I don't care what you do. Just get your permit and don't harass the people going to the clinic. [/glow]
# You think that it's wrong to execute a convicted serial killer, but abortion on demand is a constitutional right. [glow=red,2,300] The harshest punishment possible that you can give to a person is to let them sit in silence and emptiness with nothing but their own mind to think about what they did. Execution frees them from the prison in their own head. You are foolish if you think that executing them is the harshest thing you could do.[/glow]
# You uphold a woman’s right to choose, unless a woman chooses adoption, chooses to be a stay-at-home mom, chooses to homeschool, or chooses to start a business.
[glow=red,2,300]One of my best friends was adopted, my mom was a stay-at-home mom until I was in high school, and the owner of my favorite snack shop has kids. The only thing I hesitate about is homeschooling, but if you teach your kids well and prepare them to enter the workforce and be productive I see no problem with it.[/glow]
# You start a lawsuit to expunge Christian books from the school libraries in your state because it violates "separation of church and state" that you insist is in the Constitution. Simultaneously you start a lawsuit to defend the right to have books in the same school libraries advocating the religion of Wicca.
[glow=red,2,300]There are Christian books in my school library. There are also Muslim books, Hindu books, and Buddhist books. If you want to put Christian books in the schools I don't care as long as they don't advocate harming any other person.[/glow]
# You object to using mice for scientific experimentation but don't mind when babies are killed for stem cell research.
[glow=red,2,300]Use embryonic stem cells or mice, I don't care. The most important thing is saving human lives- lives that could be destroyed by cancer or other diseases. [/glow]
# When someone refers to an unborn baby as a baby, you say, "Don't you mean fetus?" [glow=red,2,300] It depends on the context. If you are in a medical setting, you would say, "The fetus is at six months of development." But if you are talking to a mother-to-be, you can ask, "When is your baby due?" or "What gender is your baby?". It just depends on the context. [/glow] # You are infuriated that a school in Pennsylvania would issue a statement to its students about intelligent design and direct them to the library for more information, citing the separation of church and state, but you have no problem with a school in California having kids "act out" one of the five Muslim pillars of faith.
[glow=red,2,300]Ethics class or religion class, sure, they can act out the five Muslim pillars of faith or talk about intelligent design. Just don't do it in science class. [/glow]
I was going to do this earlier, but I had to run to school. Sorry...
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Post by Sandafluffoid on Mar 4, 2009 15:25:51 GMT -5
Wow Lazy, just wow, I can't beleive that you're actually rebutting every single one of these things. Although I disagree on one point, you may say you don't but you secretly want America to be British again. Everyone does, there's no shame in admitting it.
I've just realised that "there's no shame in wanting to be under Briish rule again" would make the most awesomely cheesy chat-up line ever. I'm moving to America just so I can use it.
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Post by The Lazy One on Mar 4, 2009 15:59:53 GMT -5
Lazy vs Fundies Round Whatever You might be an Atheist Fundamentalist if.... # You become upset when a Christian says that not everything in the Bible should be taken literally.[glow=red,2,300] You are the ones who get pissed if we try to say the Bible is allegorical! Personally, if I met a fundie who wanted to say that not everything in the Bible should be taken literally, I go buy them snacks or something because I'd be so shocked and happy.[/glow] # You dislike how liberal theists try to interpret the Bible for themselves, while you create your own interpretations of the Bible for yourself: (a) Exodus 34 contains a new set of 10 Commandments; (b) Jesus asked His disciples to slay all His enemies.[glow=red,2,300] Hey, if you want to mold the bible to make it work for you (my mom likes to read the passage in Isaiah about the trees clapping their hands since she likes to be able to fit it to her daily life), go right ahead. However, I have no desire to change the text or the meaning of the text.[/glow] # You have actually calculated, for purposes of "argument by outrage," an estimate of the number of people drowned in The Flood.[glow=red,2,300] Do you think I honestly care enough to sit with a calculator and estimate how many people drowned in a flood that may or may not have happened? You don't think I have anything better to do? Well, don't answer that- I'm writing this thing, aren't I?[/glow] # You can quote from the bible better than most missionaries...at least the parts where someone dies.[glow=red,2,300] Too lazy. The only part of the Bible I can quote is the book of Esther since it was one of my favorite stories as a child.[/glow] # You label all scholars that actually believe the Bible as "biased fundies" while those who don't believe it are known as "honest" and "accepted scholarship."[glow=red,2,300] If you are a real scholar, then you're a scholar. If you're a biased nutjob, you're a biased nutjob. It's simple, really.[/glow] # You insist that the Bible cannot possibly say anything about homosexuality being a sin, because they did not even have a concept of homosexuality at the time the Bible was written...then insist that the Bible says that David and Jonathan were married.[glow=red,2,300] Isn't it David that says to Johnathan, "your love surpassed the love of women" or something? I'm too lazy to search it, but I remember that pretty well. [/glow] # ......AND you produce a long list of verses containing the words "children", "touching", and "bowels".[glow=red,2,300] HA HA! You said "bowels!" Really, what is this, kindergarten? Yeah, there's a word. Big deal. OOOH, scary words. [/glow] # You think you have refuted the whole Trilemma because you've added another alternative to it.[glow=red,2,300] What the hell is a Trilemma? [/glow] # You dismiss any attempt to harmonize the resurrection accounts by saying "one says A, the other says B, but none say A+B", then go on to offer your own elaborate conspiracy theory of what happened to the Jesus' body, describing A+B+C+D, none of which are said ANYWHERE let alone together.
[glow=red,2,300]Yummy word salad. I don't get this one, still sick. If someone won't mind, please elaborate. [/glow] # You think that Isaac Asimov was a world-class authority in Biblical Studies.[glow=red,2,300] I was not aware that Isaac Asimov was an authority on the Bible. [/glow] # You make a point of referring to Jesus as "Yeshua" and to God as "Yahveh" in order to hint that they are no different from Molech or Baal.[glow=red,2,300] Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Jesus' given name Yeshua, and Jesus is a transliteration? [/glow] # You use one,or more,of the following alternate spellings: GOD-"gawd" JESUS-"jeeezus" "jayzus" "jebus" "jeebers" BIBLE-"bibble" "babble" "wholly babble" "buy-bull"[glow=red,2,300] I've only called the bible the bibble once by accident since my keyboard stuck. [/glow] # You refer to the crucifixion of Jesus as the "cruci-fiction".[glow=red,2,300] Never done that. [/glow] # When a Christian's interpretation of a passage (based on the social/literary context) solves one of your favorite contradictions, it is only their personal interpretation, and can be dismissed as such. But your interpretation (based on a "plain" reading of the text) to arrive at the contradiction in the first place is entirely objective, and is obviously THE correct interpretation.[glow=red,2,300]LOL WUT? If someone would be able to refute one of my contradictions, I would take it to account and if it made sense, I would likely accept it. But that's never happened to me yet, so...[/glow] # Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching 'bible contradictions' in Google.[glow=red,2,300] I'm not a Th.D. and I haven't read the entire bible but I think I know a little more about it than just Google results.[/glow] # Everytime you don't understand a passage in The Bible, instead of trying to figure it out you blame God for not writing it better.[glow=red,2,300] No, I go on the Internet and look it up on Bible Gateway or something. I don't blame a nonexistent entity! [/glow] # You think that God would have made things a lot clearer for everyone, ranging from the medieval knight to the Chinese peasant, had He inspired His Word in modern English in words and concepts you could understand. You also ask, when told of the scarceness of paper in the ancient world, why God didn't provide enough paper to write a longer story.[glow=red,2,300]How would it make sense to a Chinese person if it was written in modern English? Did you even read what you wrote? Because that makes less sense than the scribbles my baby cousin writes on the walls.[/glow] # You adamantly believe that "the Bible says pi equals 3" in 1 Kings 7:23 even though: (1) the verse does not make the slightest reference to the calculation of pi, (2) there are more measurements of the bowl from that verse in subsequent verses, (3) the bowl in question could very likely not have been a "perfect" circle with "perfect" measurements, (4) it's not unusual for ancient peoples using ancient tools (or even modern peoples using modern tools) to use round, easy to remember numbers, (5) asking an online math forum results in a refutation of your belief but you ignore what professional mathematicians plainly say (including that the Bible is not in error in this place) and twist their words to make it appear as if they are backing your assertion in order to continue to justify your belief (not that you ever had any intention of doing otherwise in the first place).[glow=red,2,300] 3 != π (that's supposed to be pi)! I don't care how much you try to say that, but 3 is not pi. It never has been, and never will be. Sure, an ancient book might say that pi was three, and maybe it worked for ancient people. But this is 2009 CE, not 2009 BCE. [/glow] # You consistently appear on discussion lists demanding that Christians accept your literal interpretation of various scriptural passages just so you can then launch into the usual "argument by outrage" - despite being told over and over that no Bible scholar or school of Christianity shares your particular bizarre literal interpretation.[glow=red,2,300]I don't care how you interpret it or if you interpret it the same way I do.[/glow] # You pontificate about the Bible as if you are an expert in theology, textual criticism, ancient languages & cultures and much more besides, when your knowledge of the Bible is just cut and paste from atheist discussion lists which cut and paste it from atheist websites which cut and paste it from embarrassingly unscholarly rantings by the likes of Messer's Freke & Gandy and Acharya S, etc.[glow=red,2,300]Nope. I don't even know who any of those people are. And when have I ever claimed to be an expert on anything other than lazing around? [/glow] # You can quote Acharya S, Kersey Graves, John Remsburg, and Earl Doherty more fluently than Laurence Olivier could quote Shakespeare.[glow=red,2,300] Still don't know who those people are, sweetie. [/glow] # You create a web site: www.EvilBible.com,and post an Evil Bible Quote of the Day on usenet. The quotes always end with: "What kind of person would get their moral guidance from an ancient book of myths and magic that says it is OK to murder, rape, pillage, and plunder?"[glow=red,2,300]You think I got the time and money to create a website and host it? Really? Uh, I don't know if you've noticed but the economy is going to hell and I'm a high school student with no job. I can't afford server space. [/glow] # You decry Christian missionaries for denying cultural relativism; denouncing their efforts to reform cannibalism, slavery and fear of animist spirits as judgmental intolerance. But your attacks on the Bible merely comprise anguished cries of "how barbaric" rather than reasoned arguments; and ignore all considerations of ritual cleanness, the evils of the Canaanites and the fact that ancient society was always one step from anarchy.[glow=red,2,300] Stopping slavery is a noble goal. But keeping help from people who need it unless they convert is cruel and unjust. [/glow] # You think Secular Humanism actually promotes religious tolerance. Secular Humanism only tolerates religion; it doesn't accept it.[glow=red,2,300] Yo, I tolerate everything unless you are intolerant of me first. [/glow] # You claim to hold no Dogma. Yet, you're just as rigid and stubborn with your beliefs as any Dogmatists.[glow=red,2,300] I don't have any dogma. I'm willing to change if there is evidence. [/glow] # Archaeology continually frustrates your attempts to find errors and contradictions in the Bible, but you continually use the same outdated accusations anyway since you're running out of material.[glow=red,2,300] When has archaeology contradicted me? Yeah, they found a place that was destroyed by fire that they think might have been the biblical Sodom. Well, fire burns. It didn't have to be a candle, maybe Abijah knocked over the fire while she was cooking dinner one day or something and it burned down the city when the fire spread? It didn't have to be GAWD SMITING PEEPS! [/glow] # The only reason you go to hear a concert pianist play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata is to complain to him afterwards about the name. Obviously it was chosen as part of a conspiracy to hide the fact that the Bible's mentions of the moon giving light were errors rather than phenomenological language.[glow=red,2,300] What's wrong with the Moonlight Sonata? It's pretty! And everyone refers to the light of the moon as "moonlight." [/glow] # You visit a planetarium, but afterwards complain bitterly to the director that it uses the Earth as a convenient reference frame, and portrays the Earth as the center of a celestial sphere with the heavenly bodies revolving around it. This, and his use of the words "sunset" and "sunrise", is another part of the conspiracy to legitimize the Bible's use of such language.[glow=red,2,300] I've only been to a planetarium once, and I thought it was the most kickass thing I've ever experienced. I was too busy thinking, "Holy crap that's awesome" to complain about the format.[/glow] # When you go to bookstores, you move all the Bibles to the "fiction" section.[glow=red,2,300] Only thing I've ever done that was similar to that was moving all of Ann Coulter's books to "True Crime", but that was more of a joke with my friends, since they thought it was the funniest thing they'd seen in a long time.[/glow] # You then proceed to move copies of The DaVinci Code to the "non-fiction" shelves.[glow=red,2,300] IT'S A FICTION BOOK![/glow] # You insist on capitalizing "atheist".[glow=red,2,300] Throughout this list I have written "atheist" as "atheist". But if you want me to I'll start writing ATHEIST![/glow] # You take the lack of evidence for the Jesus story being a hoax as evidence that Christians got rid of all the evidence.[glow=red,2,300] I said I don't know if it's a hoax or not, you moron! [/glow] # You claim that there is no way a book thousands of years old can be relevant today, but refuse to do the necessary homework to see how it could apply in modern situations, preferring instead to argue that God should have provided an updated version.[glow=red,2,300]There are some good things in the bible. No one is complaining about "love your neighbor as yourself" or "thou shalt not kill." Those have value today. But all that stuff about women not being allowed to go out when they have their monthly period and not cutting your beard and stuff are archaic laws that deserve to be left in the past.[/glow] # You respond to arguments about the different points of view in the society of the ancient world by calling ancient people and their way of thinking "stupid".[glow=red,2,300] I have never done that. I think that the ancient people did the best they could given their circumstances. Some things were horrific and barbaric, but were commonplace back then. [/glow] # You once heard something about some document in the Catholic Church which says the resurrection never happened. And despite your never having seen it or even met anyone who claims to have seen it (and despite having no idea who wrote it, when they wrote it, or what exactly it says), you're convinced that this document is far more reliable than the Gospels and thus disproves Christianity, and that the church is hiding it so that they can keep the money rolling in.[glow=red,2,300] Maybe it exists, maybe it doesn't. Who knows? I don't. [/glow] # You believe that priests are only in it for the money, despite the fact that they make less than almost anyone else with their level of education.[glow=red,2,300] No, I think some of it do it out of genuine respect and wanting to help people. But just like in any profession, there are corrupt priests. [/glow] # You can't understand why people can't see the logic in your question,"The Lord of the Rings is a book. The Bible is a book. What makes one fiction,and the other true?"[glow=red,2,300] They are books. I can wave around my Java textbook, but does that mean it's the inerrant word of god? Uh, unless you're a Java program, no.[/glow] # And if they say they don't see the logic in that question, they MUST be lying![glow=red,2,300] It does make sense, but I can see how it wouldn't to some people. [/glow] # You think that "Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter" are more believable than the Bible.[glow=red,2,300] They're about equal on the believability factor.[/glow] # You complain that "Christian Apologists warp the definitions of words to make the Bible say what they want it to say." And then you go on to say that in the Bible, "feet" means "genitals" and "thigh" means "fetus".[glow=red,2,300] I don't know about that last bit. I have heard that feet does mean genitals, but I've never heard about thigh meaning fetus... [/glow]
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Post by The Lazy One on Mar 4, 2009 16:01:06 GMT -5
Wow Lazy, just wow, I can't beleive that you're actually rebutting every single one of these things. Although I disagree on one point, you may say you don't but you secretly want America to be British again. Everyone does, there's no shame in admitting it. I've just realised that "there's no shame in wanting to be under Briish rule again" would make the most awesomely cheesy chat-up line ever. I'm moving to America just so I can use it. Well, I do have one question: can we have clotted cream if we go back to being British?
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Post by Sandafluffoid on Mar 4, 2009 16:17:56 GMT -5
Wow Lazy, just wow, I can't beleive that you're actually rebutting every single one of these things. Although I disagree on one point, you may say you don't but you secretly want America to be British again. Everyone does, there's no shame in admitting it. I've just realised that "there's no shame in wanting to be under Briish rule again" would make the most awesomely cheesy chat-up line ever. I'm moving to America just so I can use it. Well, I do have one question: can we have clotted cream if we go back to being British? Clotted cream? THat's the oen thing you want out of being under british rule? Not the sexy accents, not the liberal government, not the awesome comedians, not even bloody crumpets but clotted cream? Clotted bloody cream? Now I remember why we let America play at independence in the first place... I dunno, clotted cream indeed...
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Post by The Lazy One on Mar 4, 2009 16:25:41 GMT -5
Well, I do have one question: can we have clotted cream if we go back to being British? Clotted cream? THat's the oen thing you want out of being under british rule? Not the sexy accents, not the liberal government, not the awesome comedians, not even bloody crumpets but clotted cream? Clotted bloody cream? Now I remember why we let America play at independence in the first place... I dunno, clotted cream indeed... Wait, you guys have government health care, right? That's another thing I want.
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Post by disgruntledcolonel on Mar 4, 2009 16:36:30 GMT -5
Pshaw, they'll be wanting scones to go with it next I tell you, and they'll have no appreciation of Test Match Special or the Shipping Forecast.
Anyway going back to the list...a) of course jesus is different from baal, jesus was rubbish as a stargate supervillain, and (b) I should think that every fucking school of learning would distinguish between the big bang and evolution, unless it were say, 'the Ray Comfort Academy of Fail' but that would involve learning in much the same way reading the Da Vinci Code involves enjoyment.
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Post by deliciousdemon on Mar 4, 2009 17:17:52 GMT -5
This one stuck out to me and pisses me off. It's not like there are any atheists out there who study biology. No, not at all. I'm willing to bet that I have more knowledge of biology than all of Rapture Ready combined. And don't fucking dis Dr. Gould or Futu rama. I found this one especially hilarious because I have books by both of them on my shelf right now.
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Post by The Lazy One on Mar 4, 2009 17:24:43 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300] Bronze age! BRONZE AGE! There's a difference![/glow] Though your point in that response is sound, it's actually the Iron Age, which began at about 1000 BC...E *smirks in Buzzardbreath's direction*The Bronze Age is before that, going back to between 5000 and up to 10000 BCE (in other words, Old, not New Testament). I've got my own set of rebuttals to Buzzardbreath's breathtaking inanity (yay, Judge Jones!), but since you're on such a roll here, I'll happily sit back and wait, and read. Thanks for correcting me... I thought that the Bronze Age was after the Iron Age. And thanks! I'm glad someone liked them! ALMOST DONE now!
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Post by Sandafluffoid on Mar 4, 2009 17:28:32 GMT -5
Clotted cream? THat's the oen thing you want out of being under british rule? Not the sexy accents, not the liberal government, not the awesome comedians, not even bloody crumpets but clotted cream? Clotted bloody cream? Now I remember why we let America play at independence in the first place... I dunno, clotted cream indeed... Wait, you guys have government health care, right? That's another thing I want. Well I suppose that's an acceptable thing to like about Britain, I guess I can forgive you. I still think you should ahve said crumpets though, crumpets fucking rock.
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Post by gigaguess on Mar 4, 2009 17:52:53 GMT -5
I wanna pick it apart, but I'll just sum it up with BuzzardHut is a plagiarizing dingbat. That is all.
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Post by The Lazy One on Mar 4, 2009 17:55:20 GMT -5
# You find you have a grudging respect for fundy theists for 'sticking to their guns' even while complaining they don't think for themselves.
[glow=red,2,300]Nope. All that shows is that you're dumb AND stubborn, which is dangerous.[/glow]
# 'Thinking for yourself' means adopting an atheist viewpoint. [glow=red,2,300] Not necessarily- if you have examined all possibilities and decide to stay as a Christian, then you thought for yourself. However, blindly following a hick pastor is not thinking for yourself.[/glow]
# When you say "I don't know" you are being brave and honest. When a theist says "I don't know" they are being dishonest and are trying to dodge the question. [glow=red,2,300] No, "I don't know" means that you don't know.[/glow]
# When your thoughts on any complex matter are sensible and clear, and a theist's thoughts on any complex matter are mental gymnastics. [glow=red,2,300] Hey, nothing wrong with some mental gymnastics. Algebra does it to me all the time.[/glow]
# You leave 'free thought' tracts lying around, like the littering missionaries. [glow=red,2,300] Ha! That's a funny idea... maybe I'll try it.[/glow]
# If someone says 'God Bless' when you sneeze, you make them 'take it back!'[glow=red,2,300]
I just say thank you.[/glow]
# Although you are a 'free-thinker' and 'rational' person, you lose all reason when reading The Bible. [glow=red,2,300] Well it does give me a bit of a headache, but I keep my reason. [/glow]
# It is OK for atheists to express their godless opinions but the moment Christians do the same you email the ACLU. [glow=red,2,300] I don't email the ACLU unless you're voicing your opinion in a way that threatens the freedom of others. Actually, I take that back. I haven't emailed the ACLU ever.[/glow]
# You think religious tolerance does not applies to Christians. [glow=red,2,300] That defeats the purpose of "religious tolerance" now, doesn't it?[/glow]
# You debate (argue, vilify, etc.) as if every theist was a Jack Chick fan, and as if every Biblical inerrantist was a Ruckmanite who believes that the KJV was specially inspired. [glow=red,2,300] Uh, because in my experience they are. [/glow]
# You think that Christianity is a 'virulent memeplex' and that atheism is the 'cure.' [glow=red,2,300] Memeplex? What is that, like a /b/ cineplex? That plays stuff like Rick Astley and NEDM all the time? [/glow]
# You're infuriated by the term "village atheist." You prefer "right-thinking urban humanist." [glow=red,2,300] I don't live in a village. I also don't live in the city. So... neither.[/glow]
# You can gladly believe any number of conflicting philosophical positions, as long as they're atheistic! [glow=red,2,300] LOL WUT? Do you think we're a bunch of morons? Wait, don't answer. [/glow]
# You start a local Atheists and Agnostics Society, the goal of which is to prove through good deeds that atheists and agnostics can be just as generous and caring as some Christians are. When nobody joins, and the club eventually unfolds, you are flustered. You have no idea why a group of people who by definition do not base their morality on anything greater than their own ideas wouldn't jump at the chance to be self-sacrificing for no logical reason. [glow=red,2,300] You really think we're a bunch of soulless evil fuckers, don't you? We are good people. I do help people- I used to work with a little Chinese girl who needed help learning to read English. Now she reads better than I do. I also donate food and money to food pantries when I can afford to do so. Atheists are good people too.[/glow]
# You get a big kick out of either spamming online Christian forums with offensive material or posing as a grossly over-the-top parody of a Christian on such websites. [glow=red,2,300] Aw man, you guys heard about my trolling, huh? Well, I did it for the lulz.[/glow]
# You criticize a Christian apologist for using a pseudonym, and register the domain name you use to do it under the name, "Gorgon Pruntky".
[glow=red,2,300] Gorgon Pruntky? Hell, I'd use a better pseudonym than that! Maybe Lazyone Asskicker or something like that.[/glow]
# You refuse to give your children any name that appears in The Bible. [glow=red,2,300] I'm not a mother, but if some time in the future I do end up with kids, I have to name them after my maternal great-grandmother or paternal great-grandfather. I already told them I would, and I think the name 'John' appears in the bible.[/glow]
# You don't realize that Landover Baptist Church's website is a parody. [glow=red,2,300] Oh come on, everyone knows that![/glow]
# Even when you do realize it is a parody, you think that it's implied arguments are suitable for use as a reply rather than Biblical scholarship.[glow=red,2,300]
Using Landover is like using the Onion. It doesn't work.[/glow]
# You call God "she" in the presence of Christians simply out of sheer spite.
[glow=red,2,300] Ok. I admit to doing that. But only once, and for sheer shock value. It was funny. Come on, you gotta give me that![/glow]
# You create an Atheist Missionary organization and then call it a thinktank, in a small town in Virginia. Then you heap scorn on Christians for "proselytizing" (Just think about if for a minute, hypocrites!). [glow=red,2,300] What are you referring to? I'm a freaking high school student! How am I supposed to fund an organization? [/glow]
# You are part of a non-belief organization such as American Atheists, Church of Freethought, Humanist Association of Canada, Student Freethought Alliance and/or the Council of Secular Humanism. You claim these organizations have absolutely no creeds and that the people involved independently think of different things from one another. Yet of course, on your organization's website they define the commonalities that all non-believers follow. Is that not the definition of creed?
[glow=red,2,300] No, it's not a creed. I also don't belong to no organization![/glow]
# You think that spamming Christian chatgroups and discussion lists with expletives and insults demonstrates superior free-thinking, rational, atheistic logic. [glow=red,2,300] If I show up to discuss things with you, I'll abide by your rules, unless I came in with the intent to troll. And I've only ever trolled one fundie board, and that was because they banned me when I was being reasonable.[/glow]
# You think that it is possible to talk meaningfully about "good and evil" "right and wrong" when decrying the sins of the Church while simultaneously subscribing to the notion that neither sin nor good and evil exist as ultimate categories but only as personal and social constructs.[glow=red,2,300]
Right and wrong. Good and evil. I could elaborate, but I already have and I need to make the evening nomables, so I gotta finish this up. [/glow]
# You have never pondered the question: why does a smart guy like Richard Dawkins regularly give atheists a bad name by putting his foot in his mouth with his inane and ridiculous pronouncements about God and religion? [glow=red,2,300] I like Dawkins. I might think he's gone over the top once or twice but I wouldn't say he's inane. [/glow]
# You have never pondered the question: why did a really smart guy like Bertrand Russell write such a pathetically limp, uninformed and adolescent critique of Christianity in "Why I Am Not A Christian"? [glow=red,2,300] I haven't read it, so I can't state anything about it.[/glow]
# You assert that "faith is believing things which you know aren't true".
[glow=red,2,300] Never done that.[/glow]
# You really "believe" that many human beings actually believe things they know aren't true. [glow=red,2,300] I don't know. Some people have managed to lie to themselves about many things.[/glow]
# You believe the movie Dogma gives the most accurate portrayal of Christian theology. [glow=red,2,300] Haven't seen it.[/glow]
# You feel that prefacing your responses to Christians with the word bull$#@! somehow makes your argument a little more valid. [glow=red,2,300] I don't yell BULLSHIT! unless you've really spat out a lot of bullshit.[/glow]
# You take a self-righteous pedantic "stand on principle" against Christian apologists writing under pseudonyms, but always refer to the "Endarkenment" French infidel writer François Marie Arouet by HIS pseudonym "Voltaire". [glow=red,2,300]
I love Voltaire! I don't care whether you use a pseudonym or not... [/glow]
# You find the term 'fundy atheist' meaningless, baffling, illogical and just plain oxymoronic/self-contradictory even though the two terms are not exclusive of each other (except in the minds of fundy atheists, of course).
[glow=red,2,300] I've never met a fundie atheist, so no.[/glow]
# You've ever called a Christian a "Paulian".
[glow=red,2,300] Nope.[/glow]
# You deny that someone can possibly know they know the truth ('It's just belief, not knowledge,") while at the same time claiming to know the truth.
[glow=red,2,300]There's a difference between saying, "I know I am female- that's the truth." and saying "I know God exists, 100%! That's the truth!" [/glow]
# You write books like Warren Allen Smith's "Who's Who In Hell: A Handbook and International Directory for Humanists, Freethinkers, Naturalists, Rationalists and Non-Theists." You label 10,000 of these famous non-believers, as good, peaceful people who will be rotting in hell because they are or were infidels. While of course you also fail to realize that for every 10,000 of the world's peaceful non-believers, anyone can come up with a book that lists 10,000 peaceful, loving and famous historical believers. Of course, you also fail to realize that you've wasted your time researching 10,000 historical and modern names just because you want people to think 'peaceful' people will be rotting in an afterlife that you don't believe exists. [glow=red,2,300] That sounds like a cool book- where can I get it?[/glow]
# You think that logical fallacies are only fallacies when theists use them.
[glow=red,2,300] Logical fallacies are logical fallacies, whether a fundie uses them or an atheist uses them.[/glow]
# You think when atheist,left-wing journalist Christopher Hitchens slammed Mother Theresa,calling her a "ghoul",he's a genius, but when he slams Michael Moore's propagandizing pile of poo, "Fahrenheit 9/11",he's just a drunk. [glow=red,2,300] I haven't watched Fahrenheit 9-11, so I don't know whether it was a pile of poo or a not.[/glow]
# You hate Christianity because "...it destroys everything that makes us human",and think Christians "have lost whatever vestiges of humanity they had left". [glow=red,2,300] No. I'm not going to dignify that with a response.[/glow]
# Your favorite words are "ad hominem",even if you can't spell them. [glow=red,2,300] I can so spell them![/glow]
# You just can't see any difference between Pat Robertson Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, etc, and Osama bin Laden.
[glow=red,2,300]Nope. There's no difference. Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and James Dobson are the kind of people who, if their advice is followed to extremes, could breed kamikaze Christians and want to create theocracies. I think it was Pat Robertson who advocated blowing up D.C. too. [/glow]
# You don't eat at Church's Chicken, and it's NOT because the chicken's too greasy. [glow=red,2,300] Never been to Church's Chicken. I never even heard of it. Is that some Southern fundie place? [/glow]
# You go to work on Christmas and instead take Halloween off. [glow=red,2,300] I like Christmas! Lights are pretty, and presents are fucking awesome. [/glow] # You go to an Atheism versus Christianity debate in which you must vote for whoever you think wins. The Christian side is represented by a highly prestigious historian and theologian, and the atheist side is represented by a dog that's able to bark the theme song to "I Dream of Jeannie" off key. You vote for the dog. [glow=red,2,300]
That's just stupid.[/glow]
there's more, but I have to make dinner.
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