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Post by Oriet on Mar 28, 2009 21:25:27 GMT -5
I can understand the occasional, light spanking for punishment, but anything beyond that is just abusive. It also means you're parenting wrong. Communication and explanations should be first and foremost what is done, to make sure the child understands why it is wrong, not just that they'll get beaten if they do it. Punishment is still needed to display authority, at least for some kids (some just need the parent's disapproval to stop doing something), but should never be to the point of injuring, or even severely hurting either party. A parent's role is to educate and guide, not be a tyrant.
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Post by Jodie on Mar 28, 2009 21:25:28 GMT -5
I was spanked as a kid, and yes I resent my parents for doing it. Well, my dad anyway, becaue he did the spanking and he definately did it when he was angry. My mom did nothing to stop him though, and neither of them every tried alternative methods, unless the alternative to spanking me was verbal abuse or psychological threats.
I do love my parents, but I am extremely angry with them over a lot of things. I don't know, it's complicated.
ETA: My parents aren't bad people. They just kind of suck at some aspects of parenting, I guess.
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Post by Paradox on Mar 28, 2009 22:52:47 GMT -5
My parents spanked me when I was a kid, and I probably needed it. I will note that they never did it when they were angry, at least that I can remember.
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Post by Lady Renae on Mar 28, 2009 23:32:12 GMT -5
I was hit several times as a child by my birthgiver and the thing she used to be married to (not my father being referenced here). As you can see, it created a fair amount of resentment, and I was a very angry and semi-violent child even years after I was out of that house, not to mention the abject fear I learned very well every time someone authoritative raised their voice in anger or raised their arm in a certain way in my direction whether they were angry at me or not. I only within the past few years learned to stop flinching backwards and crossing my arms in front of myself like a shield in these situations, and I haven't lived in that house since I was twelve (fyi: I am currently 22). I STILL have flashbacks on occasion from triggers I don't even know exist until they happen or think are taken care of until it's proven otherwise. Yes, I'm saying my mother's and ex-stepfather's actions really and truly gave me my own *wonderful* version of PTSD, and yes it's been diagnosed and I'm not pulling it out of my ass. This stuff is beyond unreasonable. It's TRAUMATIC.
Interestingly disturbing (or is it disturbingly interesting?) story: one of my most triumphant moments of interaction with my mother as a child was the time she swung at me to slap me across the face while we were standing on the stairs and I ducked back just in time for her to miss so hard she broke one or two fingers on the railing. I have no third account to corroborate my reaction, but I think I actually laughed at her. I DO remember clearly that I laughed about it several times when remembering over the course of the next few weeks as well as off and on for years afterwards. I was nine.
EDIT: Other interesting thing to note - this was during the years when my mother was doing her damndest to make me into a happy little christian kid. I spent my prayer time asking God and Jesus to get me and my sisters the fuck away from her. Rather ironic, I think, especially considering she now thinks she's both a Wiccan and a Christian and has special superpowers. She's a gorram multi-fundie.
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Post by ironbite on Mar 29, 2009 0:53:36 GMT -5
Sorry folks. If you're gonna be hitting your child so hard you hurt your hand, you don't deserve it.
Ironbite-*gets out a sword* Now line up to get your hands removed and replaced with nerf footballs.
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Post by Death on Mar 29, 2009 5:00:03 GMT -5
Violence is never right. Force yes, violence no. And just because a child thinks they deserve it doesn't make it right. That's just shows there's been other abuse as well. an interesting book on the topic www.nospank.net/fyog.htm
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Post by pdc1987 on Mar 29, 2009 8:49:47 GMT -5
Love it. Yeah, hurting your hand from spanking is definitely abuse. Basically hitting a kid out of pure anger is abuse. Come on, there aren't other ways of correcting a kid?Of course there are. There are also ways to raise children so that they don't become little monsters that need to be beat in the first place. Problem for the fundies it that oppression is not one of those ways. They'll never realize that though, as GZUS says to OWN your children and treat them as private property, not human beings.
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Post by equalist on Mar 29, 2009 10:05:54 GMT -5
fstdt.net/QuoteComment.aspx?QID=60949fstdt.net/QuoteComment.aspx?QID=60948There have been a few quotes on the mainpage recently that have disturbed me a little bit. These people are hitting their kids with whatever they have lying around BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO HURT THEIR HAND. I don't like the idea of hitting kids at all, but I do think that there are some situations that it could happen. Like the time my little cousin almost ran onto the highway, my aunt picked him up and swatted him once, open-handed. But hitting kids for simple disobedience like refusing to take out the trash? That's over the line, and I think it's reprehensible that people still do things like this. Your thoughts? Am I just being stupid? Or does this disquiet anyone else? I find it absolutely disgusting. Apparently these people can't figure out that if they're hitting a child hard enough to hurt their hand, that they're hurting the child more than is necessary for discipline too. I swat my girls open handed when they're doing something dangerous, or when they do something that could hurt themselves or someone else (hitting the dog, hitting or biting each other, that kind of thing)
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Post by Vene on Mar 29, 2009 10:12:02 GMT -5
*hugs* for Lady Renae.
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adoylelb90815
Full Member
I'm the feminist intellectual fundies warned you about
Posts: 120
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Post by adoylelb90815 on Mar 29, 2009 13:02:51 GMT -5
I was spanked as a kid, but it was usually because I did something that could harm myself or others.
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Post by wmdkitty on Mar 29, 2009 13:46:25 GMT -5
I was spanked all of once. I don't know *what* I did -- I even asked Dad, and *he* can't remember what it was about either -- but we both agreed that, whatever it was, I never did it again! My parents mostly used time-outs or removal of privileges (i.e. no videogames for X days), which worked fairly well.
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Post by Mira on Mar 29, 2009 13:48:53 GMT -5
Sorry about your childhood Renae. /huggles
My personal testimony:
Me and my two brothers went all through childhood never being as much as slapped as children. I think none of us were compelled to rebel or act out because we never felt resentment towards our parents. My brother occasionally got into arguments with my mother as a teenager, but I think I may be the most rebellious by being an atheist. I can only recall one instance of being grounded to my room and I believe I was around 8 years old then.
I don't know if physical punishment can ever be effective, but I think that my family is proof that you can do a decent job as a parent without it. None of us have even gotten drunk before. Maybe the fact that we are really nerdy people is the reason why.
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