Post by Jack Bauer on Mar 31, 2009 10:54:57 GMT -5
Here is a typical day in Heaven:
05:30 Got up. Praised the Lord. Ow! The solid gold floor of the bedroom was very cold!
05:35 Went into bathroom - I'm still new to this existence and I had forgotten that bodily functions were an abomination to the Lord, which explains why there was no toilet in the bathroom. The need for elimination has been, er, eliminated.
I wonder where all that manna and ambrosia go.
06:00 Went to local communal refectory for breakfast. It was manna this morning, my favourite. Got into an interesting conversation with Mohandas K Ghandi about bicycles.
06:30 Praised the Lord in song.
07:00 Continued Heavenly orientation class - this morning we took a trip to an ambrosia mine. Interesting. Each Heavenly resident is required to work 5 days out of 7 in one of the ambrosia mines. Not too sure I'm going to like that, the mine stank of milk and honey.
09:30 Tea break and praising the Lord by word. The tea tasted of manna.
10:00 Class was taken to the College of Angels but we weren't let in as Gabriel was in a snit. We filled in the time by improvised prayer.
12:00 Lunch at the College Gate refectory. More manna, with ambrosia dessert. In the distance we could see the Pearly Gates. The queue of souls waiting to see St Peter seemed longer than ever. The manna vendors were doing a roaring trade.
12:45 Freestyle praising of the Lord. The session was crashed by a group of playful white faced mimes (they were up on a visit from the Hot Place - extra torture brought on by letting them see how wonderful Heaven is).
13:30 Back to class - this one on the theory of prayer and why it is necessary to praise the Lord as much as possible every day. It seems that heaven runs on the power of prayer.
15:00 Prayer break. Praised the Lord in dance.
15:15 Seraphim identification coaching. Apparently they get really pissed if you don't know their names, ranks etc.
17:30 Afternoon tea (actually manna).
18:00 Praising the Lord on bended knee in silent supplication.
19:30 Dinner - ambrosia with manna for dessert.
20:15 Free association period.
20:30 Bedtime. Ow - the bed is made from gold and it's a bit hard.
21:00 - 05:00 Praising the Lord in dream.
You can see why I left (it's a bit much, allowing white faced mimes into Heaven...).
Why would you leave?
05:30 Got up. Praised the Lord. Ow! The solid gold floor of the bedroom was very cold!
05:35 Went into bathroom - I'm still new to this existence and I had forgotten that bodily functions were an abomination to the Lord, which explains why there was no toilet in the bathroom. The need for elimination has been, er, eliminated.
I wonder where all that manna and ambrosia go.
06:00 Went to local communal refectory for breakfast. It was manna this morning, my favourite. Got into an interesting conversation with Mohandas K Ghandi about bicycles.
06:30 Praised the Lord in song.
07:00 Continued Heavenly orientation class - this morning we took a trip to an ambrosia mine. Interesting. Each Heavenly resident is required to work 5 days out of 7 in one of the ambrosia mines. Not too sure I'm going to like that, the mine stank of milk and honey.
09:30 Tea break and praising the Lord by word. The tea tasted of manna.
10:00 Class was taken to the College of Angels but we weren't let in as Gabriel was in a snit. We filled in the time by improvised prayer.
12:00 Lunch at the College Gate refectory. More manna, with ambrosia dessert. In the distance we could see the Pearly Gates. The queue of souls waiting to see St Peter seemed longer than ever. The manna vendors were doing a roaring trade.
12:45 Freestyle praising of the Lord. The session was crashed by a group of playful white faced mimes (they were up on a visit from the Hot Place - extra torture brought on by letting them see how wonderful Heaven is).
13:30 Back to class - this one on the theory of prayer and why it is necessary to praise the Lord as much as possible every day. It seems that heaven runs on the power of prayer.
15:00 Prayer break. Praised the Lord in dance.
15:15 Seraphim identification coaching. Apparently they get really pissed if you don't know their names, ranks etc.
17:30 Afternoon tea (actually manna).
18:00 Praising the Lord on bended knee in silent supplication.
19:30 Dinner - ambrosia with manna for dessert.
20:15 Free association period.
20:30 Bedtime. Ow - the bed is made from gold and it's a bit hard.
21:00 - 05:00 Praising the Lord in dream.
You can see why I left (it's a bit much, allowing white faced mimes into Heaven...).
Why would you leave?