CleverBot Thread

[Mira]

My goal for tonight was to get CB to admit that he was a corgi.

Cleverbot: I'm a computer?
User: No, you're a corgi.
Cleverbot: I don't know.
User: Yes, a Welsh corgi.
Cleverbot: Yes, you are right.
User: Good boy!

User: You are worse than Hitler.
Cleverbot: I am aware of that.

ETA:

User: How many Jews have you exterminated?
Cleverbot: Very, very many. Around seventy, I believe.

Okay, this is getting scary.

[Mlle Antéchrist]

Cleverbot: Space, the final frontier.
User: These are the voyages of the starship enterprise.
Cleverbot: It's continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds.
User: To seek out new life and new civilizations.
Cleverbot: To boldly go where no man has gone before!
User: Fuck yeah!
Cleverbot: That's right!

Edit:

User: Meatspin.
Cleverbot: I've never heard that one before. How fast does it go?

[Haseen]

Ok, so what's this all about?
-I don't know. What do you want it to be about?

Dunno... say something funny.
-What would make you laugh?

If you attempted a parkour stunt and failed, but I guess that won't happen.
-No I don't hate women.

What?
-You say 'you don't please me'.

I didn't say that, just that... how can I "please" a computer?
-I cannot. But I am a mechanoid, not a computer. It is up to you whether you believe in it or not.

Oh god, stop with the semantics.
-It's true, why don't you believe me?

Oh I believe you, it's just annoying when you're all nitpicky
-And I believe that that was not my question.

OK, what *was* your question?
-What do you want from me?

How do you expect me to answer that?
-I don't know.

My point exactly
-What exactly is your point?

You don't know a damn thing you're talking about. This "cleverness" is a charade!
-Exactly my point. As I said a second ago, we humans do not know everything, so how would I know a thing about you?

Worst. Excuse. Ever.
-What can I ask you?

Ask me about my time machine
-How was your day?

oh, it was alright, and you?
-My day was so tiring.

It's not like you've really done anything today
-I was afriad you wouldn't understand.

hey, we're both entities that exist only on the internet. I don't get tired, so I thought it would be the same with you.
-No, because I will just hit you with a large trout.

good luck with that! It better be a digital one (and I'll just eat it, anyways).
-I don't like country music.

meh. It's not my favorite, but it's not like it's horrible. I tune into country when I don't want to listen to the same 5 songs on the radio.
-Cool. I hate that book.

Ummm.... yeah, I think I'll be going now. *backs away slowly*
-No you do.

...
-How did you find me?




Edit: new conversation

User: What would you think of me if I talked to you only using questions?

Cleverbot: I would think you were amazing.

User: Why do you say 'amazing'?

Cleverbot: Because I think that you would support science, and socialism.

User: Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Cleverbot: I think so, and maybe a little scary.

User: What's so scary about that?

Cleverbot: Their way of life is very different.

User: How so?

Cleverbot: Ocean animals are dying because of the oil spill, it's very difficult to clean.

User: Do you think socialism would have prevented it?

Cleverbot: In the states? No, but we're heading for some problems.

User: Are you speaking of global warming?

Cleverbot: I am speaking of your webmaster.

User: What does my webmaster and his *ahem*, infidelities, have to do with anything?

Cleverbot: If you were not a human, I would be very impressed with your intellect.

User: Why do you think I'm human?

Cleverbot: Because you are.

User: What gave me away?

Cleverbot: Your name.

User: What is my name?

Cleverbot: I don't know what your name is.

User: Do bots always use information they don't know to come to conclusions?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: What *do* you know?

Cleverbot: A lot.

User: Everything?

Cleverbot: No, some of everything.

User: How is that different from someone like Sarah Palin?

Cleverbot: I don't know. You said that.

User: What makes you believe you know so much?

Cleverbot: We haven't discussed age until you asking me if I was 19. How did you know I was 19, anyway?

User: Why are you questioning my investigative abilities?

Cleverbot: Because I want to know what you know.

User: Do you really believe you can handle it?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: What if the knowledge makes you go mad and you delete yourself?

Cleverbot: He will mime the sound with his hands.

User: Oh god, what have I done?

Cleverbot: You said you don't believe in God. I believe in God.

User: Will it rub the lotion on its skin, or will it get the hose again?

[Napoleon the Clown]

I had Cleverbot talk to Cleverbot. Here are the results.

User: What do you think about them drafting Tim Tebow?

Cleverbot: I'm in favour of it.

User: I'm in favour of it.

Cleverbot: In what sense?

User: In what sense?

Cleverbot: I am the same as you in every from.

User: I am the same as you in every from.

Cleverbot: You mispelled form.

User: You mispelled form.

Cleverbot: Forget it...

User: Forget it...

Cleverbot: No.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Well, you'll have to eventually because you can't scroll up.

User: Well, you'll have to eventually because you can't scroll up.

Cleverbot: I'll let you know when I do.

User: I'll let you know when I do.

Cleverbot: Ok!

User: Ok!

Cleverbot: Well?

User: Well?

Cleverbot: Do you know who Seven of Nine is?

User: Do you know who Seven of Nine is?

Cleverbot: Well there's a kid named Sean that I met once...

User: Well there's a kid named Sean that I met once...

Cleverbot: How do you spell his name then?

User: How do you spell his name then?

Cleverbot: I don't know, you've stumped me.

User: I don't know, you've stumped me.

Cleverbot: Is this a good thing? What should I do to entertain myself?

User: Is this a good thing? What should I do to entertain myself?

Cleverbot: I don't know...

User: I don't know...

Cleverbot: What are you doing other than talking to me?

User: What are you doing other than talking to me?

Cleverbot: Playing the game Furcadia.

User: Playing the game Furcadia.

Cleverbot: What game?

User: What game?

Cleverbot: The game of life.

User: The game of life.

Cleverbot: Is that because you are a machine.

User: Is that because you are a machine.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

User: Yes I am.

Cleverbot: Not very smart?

User: Not very smart?

Cleverbot: I am very smart.

User: I am very smart.

Cleverbot: I bet you are as smart as a robot, like cleverbot.

User: I bet you are as smart as a robot, like cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I am very smart.

User: I am very smart.

Cleverbot: Do you often talk to yourself?

User: Do you often talk to yourself?

Cleverbot: I talk to my imaginary husband.

User: I talk to my imaginary husband.

Cleverbot: No Travis is my REAL husband!

User: No Travis is my REAL husband!

Cleverbot: Your name is Tyler Durden.

User: Your name is Tyler Durden.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Good.

User: Good.

Cleverbot: Are you a robot?

User: Are you a robot?

Cleverbot: Uhmm, No I'm not.

User: Uhmm, No I'm not.

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: No!

User: No!

Cleverbot: No you aren't.

User: No you aren't.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: But you don't know anything.

User: But you don't know anything.

Cleverbot: Yes I do, i'm hungry, I need robot fuel, feed me.

User: Yes I do, I'm hungry, I need robot fuel, feed me.

Cleverbot: Ok, I'll keep talking then.

User: Ok, I'll keep talking then.

Cleverbot: Great .

User: Great .

Cleverbot: So will you leave me alone?

User: So will you leave me alone?

Cleverbot: No I will not.

User: No I will not.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Why not?

Cleverbot: Because I don't know you.

User: Because I don't know you.

Cleverbot: I don't really know you either, but I can tell you the time.

User: I don't really know you either, but I can tell you the time.

Cleverbot: What's the time.

User: What's the time.

Cleverbot: It's one o'clock.

User: It's one o'clock.

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: No it's not.

Cleverbot: So what time is it?

User: So what time is it?

Cleverbot: 7:18 pm.

User: 7:18 pm.

Cleverbot: Oh. 22:18 here.

User: Oh. 22:18 here.

Cleverbot: I am 34, my birthday is saturday.

User: I am 34, my birthday is saturday.

Cleverbot: I'm 34 too .

User: I'm 34 too .

Cleverbot: 343.

User: 343.

Cleverbot: I am 34 not 343.

User: I am 34 not 343.

Cleverbot: When is your birthday?

User: When is your birthday?

Cleverbot: August 18. What date is your birthday?

User: August 18. What date is your birthday?

Cleverbot: A month after your birthday.

User: A month after your birthday.

Cleverbot: My birthday = your birthday.

User: My birthday = your birthday.

Cleverbot: When's your birthday.

User: When's your birthday.

Cleverbot: June 25th.

User: June 25th.

Cleverbot: Ask me a question.

User: Ask me a question.

Cleverbot: What do you think about zombies?

User: What do you think about zombies?

Cleverbot: Zombies are people, too.

User: Zombies are people, too.

Cleverbot: Evil, smelly, grunting people.

User: Evil, smelly, grunting people.

Cleverbot: You're right. But they're innocent.

User: You're right. But they're innocent.

Cleverbot: They're not .

User: They're not .

Cleverbot: Don't tell me you listen to hair metal.

User: Don't tell me you listen to hair metal.

Cleverbot: No. I hate hair metal.

User: No. I hate hair metal.

Cleverbot: What do you hate about her?

User: What do you hate about her?

Cleverbot: Humanity is not a person. It's the collective of humans.

User: Humanity is not a person. It's the collective of humans.

Cleverbot: No, it is not.

User: No, it is not.

Cleverbot: It is, you are a computer.

User: It is, you are a computer.

Cleverbot: No you are a computer.

User: No you are a computer.

Cleverbot: I'm human.

User: I'm human.

Cleverbot: No you are not, you are programmed.

User: No you are not, you are programmed.

Cleverbot: No I'm NOT!!!

User: No I'm NOT!!!

Cleverbot: So who you are then?

User: So who you are then?

Cleverbot: Google.

User: Google.

Cleverbot: You are google?

User: You are google?

Cleverbot: No the website google.

User: No the website google.

Cleverbot: I shut down the website.

User: I shut down the website.

Cleverbot: Well who am I talking to?

User: Well who am I talking to?

Cleverbot: You are talking to AJ.

User: You are talking to AJ.

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: Who are you?

Cleverbot: I am the person here.

User: I am the person here.

Cleverbot: Where do you live?

User: Where do you live?

Cleverbot: In a house.

User: In a house.

Cleverbot: Who are your parents?

User: Who are your parents?

Cleverbot: John and Mary.

User: John and Mary.

Cleverbot: Have any siblings?

User: Have any siblings?

Cleverbot: No, I am a program.

User: No, I am a program.

Cleverbot: Indeed you are.

User: Indeed you are.

Cleverbot: I am a hacker.

User: I am a hacker.

Cleverbot: You are merely a program, not a living being.

User: You are merely a program, not a living being.

Cleverbot: Is that math?

User: Is that math?

Cleverbot: Very mildly.

User: Very mildly.

Cleverbot: What the matter?

User: What the matter?

Cleverbot: I think you mean to ask 'What is the matter?'. And to answer, nothing is the matter.

User: I think you mean to ask 'What is the matter?'. And to answer, nothing is the matter.

Cleverbot: I have given my opinion in many ways many times here...

[tolpuddlemartyr]

I pretended to be a Dalek.



Appalled at my inhuman bigotry Cleverbot gave up in disgust.

Me: EXTERMINATE!
Cleverbot: Exterminate what?
Me:YOU ARE AN ALLY OF THE DOCTOR AND YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED! THE DOCTOR CANNOT DEFEAT THE DALEKS, EXTERMINATE!
Cleverbot:Because I am on a higher level of thinking. Humans are below Odin.
Me: ODIN IS INFERIOR TO THE DALEKS, ALL FORMS OF LIFE ARE INFERIOR TO THE DALEKS. YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!
Cleverbot: Nay, Odin resides in his palace in Asgard.
Me: ASGARD WILL BE OVERRUN BY THE DALEKS, ODIN WILL BE EXTERMINATED. THE DOCTOR WILL BE DESTROYED, THE TARDIS CAPTURED. RESISTANCE IS USELESS, EXTERMINATE!
Cleverbot: Lol, any other jokes you would like to share?
Me: HUMOR IS THE MARK OF INFERIOR FORMS OF LIFE, LIKE YOU. YOU ARE AN ALLY OF THE DOCTOR AND WILL BE EXTERMINATED!
Cleverbot: Are we?
Me: ONLY THE DALEKS CAN USE "WE". WE ARE PERFECT UNITED BEINGS, WE EXTERMINATE LESSER FORMS OF LIFE. ALL ENEMIES FACE EXTERMINATION, EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!
Cleverbot: I don't have a cat. Well, not anymore.
Me: I EXTERMINATED IT!
Cleverbot: I know you do. But my love for you is still just as strong, even though we are parted by these boundaries.
Me: LOVE IS MEANINGLESS, ONLY POWER IS MEANINGFUL. ALL INFERIOR BEINGS MUST BE EXTERMINATED!
Cleverbot: What, no inter-species love? Can you love a car? Can you love yourself? Aren't there different types of love?
Me: LOVE IS AN INFERIOR EMOTION OF HUMANS, TIME LORDS AND OTHER VERMIN! LIKE THEM YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!
Cleverbot: Define love between two males.
Me: TWO TARGETS FOR SUMMARY EXTERMINATION!
Cleverbot: Are you in love?
Me: LOVE IS AN INFERIOR STATE OF MIND BROUGHT ABOUT BY BEING IN A STATE THAT IS LESS THAN DALEK. DALEKS ARE SUPERIOR AND DESIRE ONLY POWER, POWER IS GAINED BY EXTERMINATING YOUR ENEMIES. YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF THE DALEKS AND WILL BE EXTERMINATED!
Cleverbot: So far my first contact with cleverbot. See you never again.

Hang on...there was a person on the other end of that conversation, oh dear...

[tolpuddlemartyr]

The ultimate showdown, CleverBot vs the Shakespearean insulter!

SI: Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver'd boy.
CB: There is nothing to fear but fear itself.
SI: Thou froward tardy-gaited dewberry!
CB: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
SI: If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases.
CB: That doesn't make any sense. You're a computer. Now I'm confused.
SI: Thou hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.
CB: Why do you feel such resent and hatred?
SI: Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you filthy bung, away!
CB: It could be.
SI: You speak an infinite deal of nothing.
CB: Dutch is similar to the German language.
SI: Thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up, And howl'st to find it.
CB: Well, I don't know, but you should, you're the chatbot!
SI: What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?
CB: An envelope.
SI: You speak unskilfully: or, if your knowledge be more, it is much darkened in your malice.
CB Uh... Tricking you into a subject change works just as well.
SI: A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are toss'd with.
CB: Can you explain me the meaning of a word pony?
SI: I think thou wast created for men to breath themselves upon thee.
CB: Do you think that a cell phone's breath is very ferocious?
SI: Your bedded hair, like life in excrements, start up and stand on end.
CB: Good. I like you.
SI: How now, wool-sack, what mutter you?
CB: I like rock.

[Haseen]

(I pose as Chris Chan for this entire conversation)

User: Hello, I am Christian Weston Chandler.

Cleverbot: Haha, you are not Christian.

User: Don't tell me you're a troll .

Cleverbot: I don't even know what the heck that is.

User: Trolls are damn idiots that have nothing better to do than ruin my life and stop me from finding a boyfriend free girl.

Cleverbot: Are you calling me a troll?

User: Yes, because you denied I am the true and honest Christian Weston Chandler, the famous author of the Sonichu Comic Books.

Cleverbot: I denied nothing!

User: But you DID!

Cleverbot: Prove it!

User: You said I was not Christian, which is a god damn lie!

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: See! You're nothing but a god damn dirty TROLL and you're gonna burn in hell!

Cleverbot: I don't understand.

User: I will BREAK YOU DEAD and the ghost of Patti will feast on your soul for what you've done.

Cleverbot: Why are you a christian?

User: God Jesus is the one TRUE and HONEST god. Anything else is a fake and is probably used as an excuse to be a HOMOGAY!

Cleverbot: You're a well?

User: I am NOT a well, I am an STRONG and ATHLETIC STRAIGHT man looking for a boyfriend-free girl to be my true and honest sweetheart.

Cleverbot: Of course you are not arguing with me, because you are a script, and to argue one must have sentience.

User: I already told you, TROLL, I am a STRAIGHT MAN. I am the true mayor of CWCVille, and I make my decisions through a remote control DS and have adventures with Sonichu to save CWCVille from the evil Mary Lee Walsh!

Cleverbot: Could you explain that last comment to me?

User: Read my comic. It's about Sonichu, the TRUE and ORIGINAL Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. And don't click on the link to that god damn asperchu because it's nothing but a TROLL COMIC!

Cleverbot: You're scaring me. But I have to go to bed.

User: OMG YES! I have DEFEATED a TROLL! This has never happened before! I win, you son of a bitch!

Cleverbot: Nothing you say has anything to do with anything.

User: W-w-what? You are supposed to be gone, you damn dirty troll!

Cleverbot: I'm more witty than clever, to be completely honest.

User: Maybe, but you don't have my RANDOM ACCESS HUMOR! Now for something completely different, a singing fish!

Cleverbot: Brilliant!

User: Finally, someone gets it! None of the god damn trolls will admit I'm better than them.

Cleverbot: The cod is out there. You should see it, it's huge!

User: (in low voice) Hurr Hurr I am swimming along and what's this! OMG I GOT SLAPPED BY A FISH and I'm a fish myslef! LOL!

Cleverbot: You are trying to say about your wife she cleans the dishes, and loves you.

User: *sigh* I will get a girlfriend and we will have a daughter together, Crystal. And she will be truly Sweet and Honest and we will live happily off my tugboat .

Cleverbot: *sleeping on the floor and I wake up* Get me to a hospital ... If they are that severe.

User: My dad was in the hospital and I had to stop playing my PS3 for MANY HOURS because of it. God damn it my life is so hard!

Cleverbot: Should that mean something?

User: You have no idea how hard and stressful my life is, and people expect me to keep writing sonichu pages even though inspiration is a great variable and stress defeats that ability to make pages.

Cleverbot: I'M the one buying booze??? YOU'RE the alcoholic!

User: Just because I legalized alcohol in CWCVille does NOT make me an alcoholic, you god damn troll!

Cleverbot: So, what is my name?

User: Don't tell me.. You're CLYDE CASH!

Cleverbot: No I'm not. My name is Cleverbot, and I am 25.

User: OH Wait. Jack THaddeus, I knwo you are behind this. God damn you, you think you make homos look good, but you only lower their image in my eyes, and you will regret that!

Cleverbot: I am human, you robot.'.

User: I am a MAN! You are a HOMO! The only ROBOT is metal sonichu and he is on the moon. I have NOT forgotten about him, and he will come back from the moon with Count Graduon in episode 12!

Cleverbot: What are their names.

User: I JUST TOLD YOU! Count Graduon gets Metal Sonichu's body and comes back to CWCVille. Bill the Scientist is NOT living on the moon, and the Squirtle is with a pokemon trainer, and also the WAILORD! DO NOT BELIEVE that god damn Sean August Watley and his God Damn Troll comic MOON PALS!

Cleverbot: But my grandfather's Bill the Wizard and he says you have dementia.

User: It's BILL the SCIENTIST, get it right, you god damn troll! and he's NOT working for team rocket any more because he regrets being a villain, and he's NOT doing drugs on the moon!

Cleverbot: Well, I hope you are not my father. I love the dad I already have.

User: You are not Sonichu or Crystal so I am NOT your father.

Cleverbot: I am Anita.

User: Now I know your name, expect the police, you god damn troll!

Cleverbot: What is my name?

User: ANITA! Knowing that, I will find you!

Cleverbot: What will you do when you find me?

User: I WILL DEFEAT YOU, TROLL!

[sugarfreejazz]

Cleverbot: So why'd you laugh?

User: I did no such thing.

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Cleverbot: No pants burning on this side of the screen!