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Post by Ian1732 on Aug 19, 2010 1:35:08 GMT -5
Because I didn't see if there was another thread like this already up, and I find it to be relevant to what I'm going to ask you guys about. Now, I recently asked this girl for her number, and she gave it to me, and that we might be able to hang out once she's back in town (she went to New York for the summer). So my question is... NOW WHAT? I've been making small talk with her over facebook, and stuff like that, but as the summer nears a close and the school year begins again, I can't exactly stick with smalltalk when there's opportunity for so much more. We both share similar interests, but let's be honest here; I can barely even maintain a conversation with a member of the opposite sex. I've only gotten as far as I did with the help of the Internet... I am scared shitless of screwing something up, and leaving her never wanting to talk to me again, or leaving myself feeling like this is the case. So I come to you, FSTDT, to help me with how to handle this situation.
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Post by Distind on Aug 19, 2010 8:30:51 GMT -5
I'll tell you what worked for me.
Take both hands, get a good solid grip on the stick you have up your ass over the whole thing(I did too) and as yourself the following: If she doesn't like you for who you are, do you want to spend time with her?
If you have nothing to talk about together why would you spend time together?
Are you prepared to take the chance you're actually a somewhat interesting person?
More or less what I've managed to find is if you share a mutual desire to be around each other it's pretty hard to fuck up short of needling at their issues. If you find yourself walking on egg shells, why the hell are you with them in the first place?
The stick ought to be loose enough to pull out at this point if you can give a sincere answer to those questions.
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Post by Bezron on Aug 19, 2010 12:08:26 GMT -5
I more or less agree with Distind.
here's the thing: EVERYONE is insecure, at some point, about scaring off someone that we like. The difference lies in how we deal with it. You need to learn to not focus on that part and just be yourself. If you do that, then she will either like yourself or not. And if she doesn't like you for yourself, then you will never be happy together (trust me on this), so why bother?
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Post by Ian1732 on Aug 19, 2010 15:50:44 GMT -5
Well, besides all the "be yourself" stuff... what about the first date? What should I do for that?
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Post by SimSim on Aug 19, 2010 15:55:37 GMT -5
Try to find some activity you both enjoy, can help you both feel more comfortable. Of course there's the classic meeting up over coffee.
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Post by Sleepy on Aug 19, 2010 18:11:16 GMT -5
I agree with Sim. Also, if there's a movie you're both interested in, go ahead and see it together. That way, if you're nervous, you both have a common topic you can comfortably discuss. After that, if you want to, you can take her to a restaurant to get dessert. That'll give you time to talk on a personal level, discuss your interests more, flirt, etc.
If you get to a third or fourth date, bring her flowers. It'll make her feel special.
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Post by Mira on Aug 20, 2010 13:42:05 GMT -5
Keep in mind that girls can be nervous as well. Heck, she may be even more anxious than you are about this.
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Post by Art Vandelay on Aug 21, 2010 0:01:15 GMT -5
Stare at her boobs/crotch/ass as much as possible. It'll give her the message that you're interested in her.
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Post by Vene on Aug 21, 2010 14:27:46 GMT -5
Well, besides all the "be yourself" stuff... what about the first date? What should I do for that? Hugs! Make hugs with her! And yeah, do what SimSim said, go with something to do together that's of mutual interest. If you like bad movies, rent a bad movie. If you're each big fans of a specific show, watch it together, if you like playing pool, play pool. Or, better yet, if you like dressing up like zombies and groaning at random strangers, do that. Please do that, and take pictures, lots of them.
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Post by Mira on Aug 21, 2010 18:58:39 GMT -5
Well, besides all the "be yourself" stuff... what about the first date? What should I do for that? Hugs! Make hugs with her! And yeah, do what SimSim said, go with something to do together that's of mutual interest. If you like bad movies, rent a bad movie. If you're each big fans of a specific show, watch it together, if you like playing pool, play pool. Or, better yet, if you like dressing up like zombies and groaning at random strangers, do that. Please do that, and take pictures, lots of them. Hugs are probably a pretty good idea. Don't think it's necessary to cater to Vene's fetishes though.
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Post by Ian1732 on Aug 22, 2010 15:24:50 GMT -5
Well, here's something I decided to do. Pretty ingenius if I say so myself. Since I have private voice lessons at our local performing arts center, and I needed a new song, I asked her what song I should do. She suggested something by Josh Groban, so I chose to take her advice. But what she probably won't expect is, since I'm in a choir once school comes back around, I intend to sing that as a solo dedicating it to her. A nice plan, if I do say so myself.
IS it a nice plan?
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Post by Ian1732 on Aug 24, 2010 11:18:06 GMT -5
IS IT?!
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Post by Bezron on Aug 24, 2010 12:11:18 GMT -5
Well, here's something I decided to do. Pretty ingenius if I say so myself. Since I have private voice lessons at our local performing arts center, and I needed a new song, I asked her what song I should do. She suggested something by Josh Groban, so I chose to take her advice. But what she probably won't expect is, since I'm in a choir once school comes back around, I intend to sing that as a solo dedicating it to her. A nice plan, if I do say so myself. IS it a nice plan? To be honest, I don't have enough information to give god advice on whether this is a good plan or not. It COULD be perceived as being super sweet and all emo-feely-goody. Or it could embarrass the hell out of her and be over the top. You'll have to judge the situation for yourself. However, an alternate plan is to record yourself singing the song and give it to her as a "hey, I took your advice, here's the results" type of thing. You can even add in that you'd like her feedback on it, to make sure she listens and you have something to talk about. Instead of giving it to her, record it and ask her to listen to it with you. Somethign like that
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Post by Ian1732 on Aug 24, 2010 12:15:33 GMT -5
Alright, that's probably another good idea.
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Post by Sleepy on Aug 24, 2010 14:59:43 GMT -5
I honestly find it creepy and over-the-top, but that's just my opinion. That's kind of big for someone who's not actually your significant other of a couple months.
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