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Post by caretaker on Apr 12, 2009 10:51:49 GMT -5
So, it's my brother's birthday today. He's twenty-five, so presents are basically a card with a few quid inside, but yesterday he baaaw'd about wanting an Easter egg. My mum sent me to the big Tesco's to get one for me and one for him, but they'd run out, so I got each of us a box of Thornton's chocolate instead.
I have an older sister, who is the whiniest, bitchiest creature I've ever had the misfortune of meeting, let alone being related to. She's twenty-eight and spends most of her time with her boyfriend. She wasn't supposed to come down today, which is why my mother didn't get her any chocolate.
She came over while I was still in bed and was gone before I came downstairs. And my mother had given her my chocolates. When I was audacious enough not to congratulate her on giving away my treat, she screamed at me about being twenty-two years old, I'm old enough to get my own chocolate.
Uh. I did. And you gave it to the twenty-eight year old who is incapable of getting her own chocolate.
People are under the misguided impression that as the youngest, I'm spoiled. Anybody else want to share tales of how their parents screwed them over? I've had worse than losing food I bought myself, but I'd like to hear that I'm not alone in the parental-injustice situation.
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Post by SimSim on Apr 12, 2009 11:10:51 GMT -5
Heh, my younger sister got away with all sorts of stuff I never could have, so no you're not the only one. If I missed the bus to school, Dad gave me a ride in when he could, and if I got there late, I got an unexcused tardiness, meant detention. My sister missed the bus weekly, Dad always wrote her a note saying she had a doctors appointment, so she wouldn't have detention.
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Post by caretaker on Apr 12, 2009 11:18:01 GMT -5
A few weeks ago I bought myself a half-bottle of JD, as my best friend was having me over for the weekend. When I went to the cupboard to get it while I was packing, it was gone. After some searching, I found the empty bottle in my sister's room.
When I complained to my mother, she told me to get over it. My sister never gave me the money for it, let alone replaced it.
Yet if I so much as take two slices of my sister's salami, I have to immediately go to the store and buy her a new pack with my own money.
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Post by Armand Tanzarian on Apr 12, 2009 12:05:32 GMT -5
I do feel guilty sometimes, I feel like I'm being favored over my parents (I'm the oldest, and only, male child in an Asian family, yay). Jokes on me though; I'm the one taking care of my parents and my little sister's education. So I have to find a well-paying job in, oh, 2 years.
In any case, why the hell are twenty-somethings acting like little kids anyway? I moved out of my parents' house when I was 19, and I'm never going back there.
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Post by maanantai on Apr 12, 2009 12:06:00 GMT -5
28 and not able to buy her own chocolate!!? *hugs* I feel sorry for you  We actually had pretty good rules of not touching other peoples goodies or special foods at home. And partly it worked and still works at my parents house because of allergies and pickyness. But there it ends. As me and my younger sisters have different father we sort of had different sets of rules and mine were more strict as I was supposed to set an example...  For example youngest one got away (and still does!) with almost everything including reading my diary and going though my stuff and telling everyone what I had in my room... like telling outloud at dinner table when we had grandparents visiting how I had pads and tampons in my schoolbag! I could have died at the spot (being 13 or 14 at the time, you know how it is...) and left kitchen after saying that nosy little brats like her should die. Result = me bad and had to appologise everyone for my behaviour and of course I was told not to leave my stuff laying around the house, sister got patted on the head and was told not to do it again... Well, it is paying off now as I moved out at 19 years old and been almost totally independent since then, youngest is almost that age (turns 19 on next autumn), just finished her matriculation exams and my mom doesn't even know what she is planning on doing (having year off/ applying to university/polytech / looking for job -only sure thing is that she's not looking for apartment to rent... ) besides riding that rental horse of hers... But on the brighter side as I have life of my own and everyone knows these days how mean she really is - joke is on her. Justice won. And I get to call her lemon with my hubby and we have a good laugh.  |
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Post by dantesvirgil on Apr 12, 2009 12:09:40 GMT -5
I'm a disfellowshipped JW, working on becoming an apostate. (Sort of like being declared a True Imp of Satan, I really don't know how else to describe it.) Needless to say, I'm not my mother's favored child. She won't go out in public with me unless absolutely necessary, she doesn't like having people over when I come in to visit (rarely, in any case), and she doesn't mention me in public. We have an ongoing feud where she tries to make me appear invisible and I routinely publish shit in my hometown newspaper about all my "accomplishments" with a big old note on the end "daughter of (Mom's Name)".  However, I am the child she comes to when, you know, shit hits the fan, and she needs someone to pick up the pieces/strong arm a solution/do the right thing.  Go figure. |
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Post by caretaker on Apr 12, 2009 12:32:24 GMT -5
Armand: My brother and I are my mum's carers, she's bed-bound. My sister got to move out on a whim when she was sixteen; my brother and I have spent most of our lives looking after our mother while our sister lived it up in Dublin, Wales, London, Canada...
These are making me feel better. *Hugs maanantai*
Edited because my TMI killed the thread >>
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Post by Hades on Apr 12, 2009 14:33:12 GMT -5
Armand: My brother and I are my mum's carers, she's bed-bound. My sister got to move out on a whim when she was sixteen; my brother and I have spent most of our lives looking after our mother while our sister lived it up in Dublin, Wales, London, Canada... These are making me feel better. *Hugs maanantai* Edited because my TMI killed the thread >> Yeah, I know what you mean there. My mother has been taking care of my grandmother for a long time, while my uncle has been living on his own, free as a bird. He expects my mom to be with my grandmother every free second of the day, and he never offers to come over and watch her so my mom can go see a movie, or just take a drive, or something. On top of that, he's the most critical douche bag. He visits for dinner once a week, and all he does is lay judgment down on my mother on everything. If he sees a dust bunny under the couch he makes it sound like my grandmother is living in squalor. The house is 60 years old, god forbid anything should need to be replaced or updated, he blows up. He thinks if my mom "took care of the place" nothing would ever need to be done. Gah, he's such an ass. Sorry for rant <_< |
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Post by Jebediah on Apr 12, 2009 15:02:07 GMT -5
When I was home for winter break my mom pratically admitted that I was the favorite. She said, "When you went away to college, I missed you the most."
This was very surprising because I always thought I was the second favorite. I knew it couldn't be my sister because she's insane and costs my family way too much money. When she was a senior in high school my dad had a calendar that he used to mark off the days until she went to college. I knew it couldn't be my younger brother because he's just a screw up and causes way to much stress for our parents.
We always thought it was my older brother. He gets away with everything, everyone loves him best, he gets the better presents at Christmas. And my grandmother straight up told us he was her favorite.
So even though all my mom was really saying was that she missed me more than she missed my older siblings, I like to pretend it was an admission of favoritism.
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Post by brendanjd on Apr 12, 2009 15:02:30 GMT -5
I'm the oldest of three children, and while I don't think my parents play favourites, ever since I moved out at 17 (now 20), I can see that my brothers are spoiled and ungrateful for it.
They get whatever they want, while I always had to work for it. If I wanted an allowance, I had to work like a dog for a pittance (not that I'm complaining, I think it builds character.) But my brothers are given cash on a weekly basis for doing nothing at all. Hell, When I go home, I set the fucking table for dinner because my brothers are off playing on their PS2 and 3 or watching their own personal televisions.
They can do whatever they please and get away with it. When I was 14 I took off to hang out with some friends, and didn;t come home till 10. My parents freaked and grounded me for 3 weeks. Last year my 15 year old brother didn't come home from school and stayed out until 2am, and my parents said nothing.
Wow, now that I think about this I'm getting bitter.
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Post by Armand Tanzarian on Apr 12, 2009 15:23:48 GMT -5
Seriously this is scaring me. Simply because I don't want to be the sibling who grows up and never takes care of the family.
I know my mother and her sisters are the ones who send money to my grandfather every year. Their brother, my uncle, well, no one has any idea where he is.
The question is, because I'm an expatriate, and someone who doesn't like to settle down or stay put, is that will I be willing and able to take care of my parents in the future. I don't even want to stay in the same house as my parents anymore, and I know my sisters hate the fact I only talk to that once a week (living on the other side of the world notwithstanding).
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Post by dantesvirgil on Apr 12, 2009 17:02:08 GMT -5
Armand, it's probably a little early to have "the talk" with your parents now. But when you're in your thirties (maybe earlier if one of your folks is sick), you need to talk with them and with your siblings about what your folks want to do once they get older. One of the big reasons why one child ends up with the brunt of the work is because nobody thought to do any planning for the future. And so the "responsible" one just sort of lumps it all on their shoulders and dives in head first. It could work out so much easier for everyone if people just planned ahead.
They'll need to figure out (if they haven't already) an estate plan, medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney, and where they want to spend their late years. If they want to be cared for at home, who does that? Plenty of siblings work it out so that while Mom or Dad might stay with only one child, the other children contribute financially. Some take Mom for half the year and trade off for the other half. Whatever works out for the family.
But it's way too early to probably talk about that now (although an estate plan & power of attorney stuff is really important in case of an accident). But as you go through life, keep it in the back of your head. Find out what they want to do. That way, even if you're not physically doing the caring, you're still a part of it.
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Post by The Lazy One on Apr 12, 2009 17:39:52 GMT -5
My younger brother made it in to the gifted center elementary school. I did not.
A certain person in my family. has never let me forget it. Now that he's about to go to the gifted middle school, she's been even worse. Especially since I'm really struggling in school right now, she's all, "Lazy, if only you were more like your brother! HE gets good grades! HE made it in to the gifted center! Why didn't you make it in to the gifted center?"
Even worse was when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Apparently it was a "disgrace" to have someone "unable to contribute to society".
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Post by brendanjd on Apr 12, 2009 17:59:21 GMT -5
Holy shit. Unable to contribute? I wonder what your relative would say about the bi polar and depressive episodes I had back in high school.
No offense, but your relative sounds like a huge bitch.
Show her a pic of Steven Hawking and tell her to stfu or gtfo.
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Post by The Lazy One on Apr 12, 2009 18:02:43 GMT -5
Holy shit. Unable to contribute? I wonder what your relative would say about the bi polar and depressive episodes I had back in high school. No offense, but your relative sounds like a huge bitch. Show her a pic of Steven Hawking and tell her to stfu or gtfo. The thing is, I really don't want to tell her that I'm undergoing testing for other personality disorders, since she'd probably kick me out of the family. Even worse is that my mother tends to tell her everything. |
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Go figure.
