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Post by Vene on Aug 11, 2011 10:09:28 GMT -5
She is being selfish, understandably selfish, but still selfish. Transition is one of those things that simply needs to be done.
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Post by Sleepy on Aug 11, 2011 14:00:46 GMT -5
I can certainly understand why she feels the way she does. Not to say that she's being wholly unselfish, but if she self-identifies as a lesbian, then that's the way it is. Even if you do love someone, such a change can interfere with those feelings. Sexuality is strange that way. I'm not sure what can be done for her, except maybe tell her to accept the transition, have some patience, and see how things go from there.
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Post by Mira on Aug 11, 2011 17:30:52 GMT -5
I think it's perfectly understandable to be concerned about the relationship. If her SO is transitioning to a sex she is not attracted to, well, relationships are kind of tricky without attraction.
However, that does not mean she should encourage him not to transition, just that it's sort of hard to go through with it with the relationship intact. His well-being should come before the relationship.
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Post by snowjohnson on Aug 12, 2011 9:28:29 GMT -5
Hey just giving my two cents. I am a full on homo. Had to kick a lot of redneck saws to say that with no fear(damn redneck highschools) Meet my partner of six years one month after my discharge. I gotta say things turned out for the better.
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Post by Shane for Wax on Aug 20, 2011 12:32:53 GMT -5
Felt this was appropriate in this thread.
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on Aug 20, 2011 13:28:07 GMT -5
Yes, yes it is. I'd say "homg that's sooo me", but I feel uncomfortable ticking only the Caucasian/White box, so I don't know what my issue is.
EDIT: Ach, just realized I never updated the sitch with my roommate's gi-- er, bo-- ...SO.
Right now, zie isn't sure WHAT zie is, whether genderfucked, male, or ever-so-slightly female, or all of the above, so. My roommate seems to be more at ease with zir now-- I think the primary concern from my roommate was that zie would unconsciously change in order to "better fit" the masculine classification, and would thus NOT be the person with whom she fell in love.
Considering that calling zir a complete butchy boi would be putting it mildly, and that zir concerns stem more from a body image issue ("am I 'supposed' to have a vagina or a penis???") than a "WTF GENDER AM I???", I'm not sure how justified those concerns would be, though I do understand WHY she thinks that way.
Fuck gender, fuck it in the fucker, it's too confusing for me. Can't we all be androgynes and be done with it?
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Post by Shane for Wax on Aug 20, 2011 13:36:43 GMT -5
I like fucking gender I just wish it would stop forcefully fucking me right back.
I'm looking into T and HRT and everything else but I'm not even sure that'll help my body dysphoria. I don't want a penis but I don't want my breasts either. Identifying as male so far but I wouldn't call myself a transman. And it doesn't help I feel like I'm mocking the trans* community because of my own body dysphoria/gender identity issues. :S
As for your roommate's SO, it seems zie is having almost exactly the same issues I am. It sucks, it's confusing, it's depressing, and it causes tears to flow out of sheer pain and frustration. As for what your roommate should do, that I can't answer. My friends have been pretty supportive just by saying 'you're still you no matter what you identify as'. It isn't bad to still love someone even if they transition. If you fell in love with the personality then that will hardly change. At least I haven't really seen personalities change other than roid rage.
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on Aug 20, 2011 13:43:54 GMT -5
Mocking the community? I know that feeling, though my issues are more with how to express my sexuality comfortably. (un)Fortunately, I've been a complete Vartiterphile lately, so I haven't been worrying too much about it.
However, my therapist seems convinced that I'm not actually pansexual-- every time sexuality comes up, she keeps mentioning things like how straight girls in middle and high school often develop crushes on close female friends, and since I'm mentally and emotionally going through my teens right now, that's totally why I'm crushing on Vartiter.
I don't think I'm going to wake up one day and go, "You know what? I really like dick. And only dick. Boobs and androgynes are grosstacular."
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Post by Shane for Wax on Aug 20, 2011 14:12:32 GMT -5
What is amusing to me is I just remembered that I went through this type of stage when I was about 10-13. It wasn't as full blown as it is now. I even had a name picked out (Shawn... eerily close to Shane) and I had signed up on multiple things as male instead of female. Boy, I wish I could go back to that time to where it wasn't so distressing.
But on the other hand it makes me feel good that it isn't just something that has hit me out of nowhere. So nobody can really tell me it's just hormones and being young and shit like that. I wouldn't call it a 'phase' either. It's always been lurking in the background. It's just that it's become much more apparent because of the company I keep.
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Post by The_L on Aug 20, 2011 14:16:41 GMT -5
And...apparently there is a word for what I am. I am agendered.
I mean, I call myself a woman because I have girly bits, but if I woke up tomorrow with a penis, it would change nothing about me or the way I feel. I wouldn't feel any more or less comfortable with a male body. I just...don't think about it unless I'm in the mood for sex.
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Post by Shane for Wax on Aug 20, 2011 14:27:26 GMT -5
You're lucky.
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Aug 25, 2011 21:53:28 GMT -5
You're lucky. *bear hugs Shane* The fact that you're allowing yourself to feel this confusion instead of ignoring it, and actively trying to understand your gender identity tells me that you're making more progress than you're giving yourself credit for. Simply acknowledging that you have these questions is a very important step, one which many people are afraid to take -- you're gutsier than you realize.
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Post by Shane for Wax on Aug 26, 2011 3:15:39 GMT -5
Thanks Mrs. A. I just wish it didn't have to smack me silly when I do try to just get on with my life and try to ignore the dysphoria. The dysphoria hurts the worst, really. It's not so much not knowing the label (fuck labels) but more the fact that I don't feel comfortable in this female form.
*hugs back*
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Post by snowjohnson on Sept 6, 2011 8:41:11 GMT -5
I have always respected people with gender "issues" for lack of a better term. My first boyfriend was trans and I don't even want to imagine waking up in the wrong body.
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Post by Shane for Wax on Sept 6, 2011 9:19:34 GMT -5
When I was younger I was always a tomboy. I always loved being called young man. I always loved being with the boys and doing 'boy stuff'. I never imagined as I got older that it would be so depressing that I wasn't born as 'one of the boys'. People always told me I'd grow out of it. Lots of girls are tomboys, etc., If anything I grew into figuring out where I fit in the world and who I am, what my pronouns are, what 'brain I have', etc.,
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