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Post by brielle on Mar 8, 2009 12:45:04 GMT -5
I used to be head of network operations, but given most of my cow-orkers were a bunch of idiots, I answered 90% of the tech calls. Mind you, this was back '99 till 2002.
Anyways, we had a woman call up demanding that she get free internet access from us 'cause she had NetZero. She proceeded to get more and more irate as the call went by, not wanting to listen, and threatning to report us to the authorities for advertising free internet without honoring it.
Another one had just bought this new laptop, and was angry because we had the nerve to require him to plug in the phone wire from the wall to the laptop so he could get internet. "But why the hell should I need to plug anything in? This laptop is wireless!"
Then there was 9/11/2001... Perhaps the one story which angers me the most. One of the day traders called up half an hour or so after the towers fell, angry and screaming at us because she couldn't dial into our network (billions of tons of rubble on top of a dialup server will do that). When asked if she understood that thousands of people just died and that there was absolutely nothing we could do, her response was, "I don't care! I have work to do, why should any of that be affecting me?"
Gotta love some humans eh?
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Post by headache on Mar 8, 2009 13:14:50 GMT -5
A customer complained to me a few weeks ago that I had solved their problem too fast!
That was a first for me!
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Post by caretaker on Mar 8, 2009 14:26:13 GMT -5
My last job was training in print and radio journalism at the BBC - I loved the work, but sometimes cultivating contacts meant dealing with some total whackjobs who thought that being interviewed was a chance to soapbox to the country - or just to go batshit in front of an audience.
One of the worst was a very minor local politician (I shall name no names) who represented a small section of Belfast, where two rapes had occurred within a few days of one another. I sat down with my mini-disc and asked for his comment - he wasn't important enough to have given a statement we could've used. It started off as usual; condemning the attacks, heart goes out to victims' family, etc. Then it got... interesting.
Me: "And what are your views on [Politician X]'s statement that more police patrols are needed in the area?"
Idiot: "He said that?"
Me: "Yes, the statement came out yesterday."
Idiot: "What the hell does he think he's doing? This is MY area!"
Me: "Uh - yes, sir, but we'd just like to get your reaction to the propos-"
Idiot: "Are you fucking with me?"
Me: *Blink* "...Sir?"
Idiot: "You reported on him before you came to ME? This is fucking absurd. What, he's more important? Just because he's [insert details of how incredibly much more important he is]?! Get out of my office and don't come back until you show some respect!"
Me: *Looks at mic dubiously* "Excuse me, sir, bu-"
Idiot: "This interview is over. If I see you again, I'll call the police." *Commences flouncing out, seeing as I'm still sitting there going '...what?'*
I calmly left and went back to the office, where I played the interview back to my trainers. To this day, we're completely baffled about what the hell his issues with Politician X are. He refused to speak to me again for the duration of my training.
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Post by alwimo on Mar 8, 2009 16:27:20 GMT -5
Are there any video games out there where you can shoot customers in a store? ...well, yes. Grand Theft Auto and Postal games? ...
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Post by Vypernight on Mar 9, 2009 4:19:39 GMT -5
Are there any video games out there where you can shoot customers in a store? ...well, yes. Grand Theft Auto and Postal games? ... I never played Postal and only GTA VC. I should've asked if there are games where you can kill customers in a bakery (I'll settle for grocery store). VC had a mall and fast food restaurant, but that's the closest I've seen. Take care, Jay
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Post by Bojangles on Mar 9, 2009 11:46:35 GMT -5
I had a good one the other day. At the publishing house I work at our magazine style is not to explain acronyms that are extremely common. So if we are writing about FIFA we are not going to write out Fédération Internationale de Football Association. However if the term is more obscure like SANCOB we'll put in that it stands for South African National Foundation for the Conservation of Coastal Birds.
Now one of the magazines that I edit has a motoring component. Our readership is pretty old, has nothing to do and often send us long letters about why one seatbelt is better than another or that there was a missing comma on page 14 or some such nonsense. So we expect this, but a few days ago I got a real wingnut.
Reader (very irritated): you have a huge mistake in your magazine Me: Really? (This is always really worrying because we could get sued etc etc) Reader: Page 109. I'm very angry about this. I've been in the motoring industry my entire life, from when I was 19 until I retired and I have never heard this one term that you use. Not once ... ever ... in my entire life. You must have it wrong. Me: What was the term? Reader: It's a really strange one. I'm a motoring expert and I don't know how you could let such an error in. I mean I can't even fathom what you actually meant to say. Very bad journalism. Very bad magazine Me: Sir, it would help if you told me what the terms was Reader: Well, I doubt it as you wouldn't have heard of it either Me (head desking): Sir, please... Reader: Ok, it's SUV. What the hell is SUV? I've never heard of it in my life. Me: ... Reader: I mean, how can you just throw these terms around, especially when you get it wrong. Don't you check these things? I was lost, I didn't know what you were talking about. And I'm a motoring expert, how do the rest of your readers feel? Me (blinking): ... (recovers) Me: Sir, SUV is actually a very, very common term. It stands for Sports Utility Vehicle. So, in other words an offroad vehicle. Usually a 4x4 although not always. Reader: what? That isn't true. You made a mistake. There is no such thing Me: Yes, there is. Reader: No, No. No. I've been in the motoring industry for more than 50 years. No such thing exists, I tell you. No such thing. I would know about it. Me: Sir... Reader: No, you got it wrong. I know you did (At this point I revert to my standard line for these kinds of callers) Me: Ok, sir, you may be right. Reader: What? Me: You may be right. Thank you for calling. Reader: What? Me: Have a nice day sir, and thank you for subscribing. Bye
When I put the phone down, most of the office exploded with laughter.
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Post by Aqualung on Mar 9, 2009 12:14:43 GMT -5
Hah! Man, I wish I lived in that guy's world where apparently there are no SUVs! o_0
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Post by Mira on Mar 9, 2009 12:24:28 GMT -5
One time me and my brother went to check out at the video store.
Clerk: Looks like you returned [game] late, that'll be [trivially small amount of money] Brother: What, I remember returning that ten minutes before midnight! (They go on to argue for a couple minutes) Clerk: Okay sir, I'll just waive the charge (we walk out) Me: Why did they think you returned it late? Brother: because I did Me: o.o Brother: I didn't want to pay the charge.
My brother is an expert at screwing corporations over, but he is usually much more subtle. Seriously, he is an expert at finding loopholes in return policies and scamming them. Or he just relies on employee apathy. Major douche, believe me. Not saying I dislike him, we get along well.
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Post by Bojangles on Mar 9, 2009 13:17:36 GMT -5
Hah! Man, I wish I lived in that guy's world where apparently there are no SUVs! o_0 Yeah, me too. What a pleasure getting around would be... BTW, Aqualung, I love the kitty in your sig.
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Post by Redhunter on Mar 10, 2009 1:55:35 GMT -5
I know I told this one way back but... Phone rings at 12:20am, offices won't be open till 8am.
ME: (answers phone with business' name) Some Jackass: I want to cancel an appointment for tomorrow. my daughter can't make it in. ME: They aren't open right now, you'll have to call back at 8 in the morning and we can put you through. Some Jackass: yeah, but she's supposed to be there in the morning. I'm canceling it now so they know ahead of time. ME: I appreciate that, but there isn't anyone in the office right now. They will be in at 8 in the morning, that will be the earliest that she will be able to change it. Some Jackass: But I'm trying to let them know ahead of time that she won't be there. And she'll be sleeping at 8 in the morning. ME: I understand, but you cannot cancel at this time. I don't have access to appointments and don't have authority to cancel appointments even if I did. You'll have to speak to the appointment desk to do that and there isn't anyone in the department at this time. If I transferred your call to that department right now, you would receive what sounds like a busy signal as they don't have the phones on unless someone is physically there to man them. The phones will be on, and they will have people on those phones at 8am. You'll have to call this same number back, at that time. Some Jackass: ...I'm trying to do you a favour, what are you being such an asshole about it? I don't want them to wait for her if she isn't going to be there and she's not going to be there so I want to cancel my daughter's appointment! ME: Sir, if the appoint is for you daughter, you aren't able to cancel it for her anyway. She will have to cancel her own appointment. Some Jackass:...But, I'm her dad! (that sort of explains the, "She's my daughter" bit that had me so frazzled.. : ME: I understand that but nobody can cancel other peoples' appointments... Some Jackass: I'm her father, okay? What is your problem? I mean, I call here, trying to be nice, and you have to be a fucking asshole? ME: What would you like me to do? Some Jackass: Cancel my daughters fucking appointment! ME: I can't do that, but the appointment desk can when they open at... Some Jackass: You mean you WON'T do it. I want to talk to the president of your company. ME: Certainly. If you could just call back at 8am I'd be happy to put you through. Would you like to talk to the house supervisor in the meantime? Some Jackass: As long as he's gonna cancel this appointment for me. ME: If this were your appointment, she could help you cancel it... at 8am when the appointment desk opens up. Some Jackass: *click* ME: It was much longer than that, but that is a glimpse at the circular argument he held me in for a full 10 or more minutes. Like a snake eating itself.
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Post by mistermuncher on Mar 10, 2009 4:40:37 GMT -5
I do computer work for people in their own homes. Some days, I feel I could write a book.
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rhi
New Member
The day needs my saving expertise!
Posts: 24
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Post by rhi on Mar 10, 2009 12:38:33 GMT -5
I have a question on that, mistermuncher. When service professionals show up at my house to hook up my cable, exterminate my ants, etc., I'm never quite sure how to act. Am I supposed to stay and watch them, hang around within earshot in case they need to ask a question, or go back to what I was doing before they showed up? I at least offer them a cold soda or water, especially if it's summer.
If it were me, I'd want the customer to fuck off until I'm done, but then I'm somewhat of a misanthrope and have no experience to draw on.
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Post by pdc1987 on Mar 16, 2009 17:45:34 GMT -5
I work at a *craft supply* store, I run the candles and lighting department. Occasionally I'll help with in-store demos and crafting classes or activities as well.
Anyway, a woman came up to me a couple months ago and asked, "Where are your tennis balls?" I pseudo-politely said, "We don't carry tennis balls, we're not a sporting goods store."
Another woman just asked me, "Where are your balls?" Now, although I wanted to say something like "In my pants!" or "In my scrotum!" I couldn't, as I probably would have gotten fired. Instead I had to engage a conversation to try and figure out what the hell she meant. She ending up meaning plain glass Christmas ornaments that you paint/decorate yourself. Go figure.
In regards to me being an Atheist, the most laughable customer thus far came in the form of a religious nutter mother who was in the store with her husband and 2 kids. It was last December and we were staging a few days of free in-store Christmas craft activities for kids. (Ugh.) She was dressed almost like an Amish woman, and had her two plainly dressed kids sit down at my table and do the craft I was demoing.
She ended up saying that they do not believe in the commercial side of the holiday. I asked if they just celebrated the religious side of it. She got nervously defensive and said yes, and explained what they do. She then said, "I just don't want you to think I'm an atheist or something!"
If she only knew.
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Post by Julian on Mar 16, 2009 18:17:15 GMT -5
In regards to me being an Atheist, the most laughable customer thus far came in the form of a religious nutter mother who was in the store with her husband and 2 kids. It was last December and we were staging a few days of free in-store Christmas craft activities for kids. (Ugh.) She was dressed almost like an Amish woman, and had her two plainly dressed kids sit down at my table and do the craft I was demoing. She ended up saying that they do not believe in the commercial side of the holiday. I asked if they just celebrated the religious side of it. She got nervously defensive and said yes, and explained what they do. She then said, "I just don't want you to think I'm an atheist or something!" If she only knew. If only you could've told her you thought she was one of them muslim folks because she was dressed all funny like...
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Post by Julian on Mar 16, 2009 18:25:51 GMT -5
This one is ancient...more than 20 years ago. I was working at the customer service counter of a "Kash and Karry" supermarket in St. Petersburg, Florida. We dealt with a lot of older people on a regular basis and many of their complaints were quite comical. However this one has always stood out in my mind and continues to bring a chuckle even to this day. So I'm at the customer service counter when a woman of perhaps 75 or so arrives with a shopping cart in which is a opened 20lb bag of kitty litter. "Can I help you maam?" I ask trying to be pleasent. "I want to return this bag" she answered quite lucidly. "Alright maam I can do that, what is wrong with it?" I asked while trying to imagine why someone would return kitty litter. "My cat wont eat this stuff" she proclaimed indignantly. "Your cat wont eat it?" I replied just a little too quickly not quite keeping the disbelief from my voice. "Sonny I mixed tuna into it, hell I even put cream on it, and my cat still wont eat it!" she declared rather indignantly and now glareing at me. Sadly, that actually sounds a lot more appetising than Sky's cooking... Kitty could even use it first!
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