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Post by Hades on Aug 12, 2009 21:37:18 GMT -5
As some of you may know from my "Flame & Burn" thread a few weeks back, my girlfriend of two years recently ended our relationship. To be concise about it, her parents "made" her choose between me and them. And she chose them.
She was my first actual girlfriend, so this is my first actual breakup. It's all new to me and I don't know what I'm doing or how to feel. To be clear, I don't want to get back with her when I really think about it. Especially not after the way it ended.
What I'm struggling with the most is that I have had a few dreams about her being with someone else. I don't like the feeling I get when I think about her being with someone else. I feel jealous, I guess. Maybe not. I don't know. It's just not a pleasant feeling. It makes me want to try to patch things up, even though I know we're better off apart. But last night I had the phone in my hand with her numbers dialed, and my finger over the "send" button. I just closed the phone after a couple minutes.
Has this happened to anyone else? I really don't want to make a mistake and cave in to my emotions. I just need some advice about moving on.
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Post by trike on Aug 12, 2009 21:51:57 GMT -5
After my first relationship ended it took me about 6 months to fully get over it. First love dies hard. I actually admire the fact that you haven't talked to her or tried to patch things up.
My advice for moving on may not be the best, but it worked for me, I just immersed myself in hanging out with my friends and doing everything I could to distract me from him. It also helped that I had some friends who understood what i was going through and let me vent to them about it (just don't do it too often, as people quickly tire of that). Venting helps, and your friends probably won't allow you to give in to your emotions enough to call or contact your ex.
(((((((Hades))))))))
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Post by Tiger on Aug 12, 2009 22:41:52 GMT -5
Basically what trike said. I coped with something similar for trying out for my school's spring musical.
And I had those dreams too. Just the first night, though. They go away after a while.
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Post by Hades on Aug 12, 2009 22:47:13 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm trying hard not to contact her. I may be in for a long ride if it takes as long as 6 months. Your advice about friends is good, but unfortunately I can't apply it. I only have two friends, and one of them moved to Florida 7 months ago, and the other has been busy with his fiance and her kid, and I haven't seen him in a year. So I pretty much have to go through this alone. Which is why I sought help here. It's kinda pathetic, but that's how it is. Thank you though.
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Post by HarleyThomas1002 on Aug 12, 2009 23:11:33 GMT -5
When the girl I was dating a few months back and I broke up it was more of she was all sad and what not while I was pretty meh, it was bound to happen sooner or later.
Course that only lasted a little under a month (typical high school dating, amirite?) so it really didn't matter much.
The only part about it that actually shocked me was how it happened. Rather than the whole "we need to talk" thing like I expected would happen (which oddly enough was what came to mind a week before breaking up) she handed me a note saying we need to break-up.
Of course I'm quite possibly a phleghmatic bastard who takes little to nothing seriously. So this probably doesn't mean a lot if anything to you and I probably have no need to post it.
If it may or may not help, try listening to the song "On a Plain" by Nirvana. It's a good song and just might help.
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Post by Caitshidhe on Aug 12, 2009 23:46:06 GMT -5
*hugs* I'm sorry, sweetie. I can't say anything that might help, so I'll just say that you're not as alone as you think and we're all here for you. We might not be able to give you REAL hugs, but you can always come here and talk.
*hugs again*
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Post by trike on Aug 13, 2009 0:00:55 GMT -5
Well, if you need to vent, here is a good place for it. Sometimes writing things out is more cathartic (is that the right word? I am tired) than saying them.
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Post by RavynousHunter on Aug 13, 2009 4:05:56 GMT -5
If you need a good distraction, I'd suggest picking up an old RPG. My personal choice(s) would be from the mid-section of the Ultima series, preferably Quest of the Avatar or Warriors of Destiny, although The False Prophet is pretty good, as well.
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Post by m52nickerson on Aug 13, 2009 6:32:04 GMT -5
As others have stated, it just takes time. Some days will be better then others. It does help to find something to throw your self into.
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Post by yojetak on Aug 13, 2009 7:42:42 GMT -5
Wow, you're coping better than I did with my first love. I turned into a creepy ex after I got dumped.
Also, I don't know if you've seen it but watch the movie Swingers.
Sound dating advice^
Also, you're so money and you don't even know it.
This movie really is quality.
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Post by dantesvirgil on Aug 13, 2009 10:26:27 GMT -5
I think the main thing is to try to stay busy, as others have suggested. And to do exactly what you did by resisting contact. That's hard. It'll be harder if you see her out somewhere. It'll be even harder than that if she tries to make you jealous on purpose, or comes back to you for a second round. But that's what prolongs the break-up period -- contact. You already know, per your post, that you don't want to get back together and the break-up was a good thing. So concentrate on the reasons behind that if you're tempted to call her, and don't try to rationalize them away. You'll get over it quicker if you just don't have anything to do with her right now.
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Post by Madame Scarlet on Aug 13, 2009 10:53:13 GMT -5
As someone who got back together with each boyfriend I had after a break up, I know you're absolutely right to stay away from her. It just made everything worse and made letting go that much harder. The same thing that caused the break up will just repeat itself.
It'll be tough, especially since it's the first. When you find yourself considering contacting her, go do something. Anything. As long as it distracts you from thinking about her.
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Post by johntheatheist on Aug 13, 2009 11:15:07 GMT -5
Thats hard man. I still pine for a my girlfriend that broke up with me like 20 years ago. I am married with a great family but I still love her too. No advice except that life can suck sometimes...
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Post by Rat Of Steel on Aug 13, 2009 11:57:57 GMT -5
*checks Hades' age in his profile (while also cursing under his breath about the fact that he should even have to do so)*
I can't really say much that hasn't already been said, so....here, meet my friend, Jack.
*hands Hades a full bottle of Old #7*
Jack is a bit harsh at first, but he's really nice once you get to know him. ;D
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Post by rookie on Aug 13, 2009 13:32:10 GMT -5
*checks Hades' age in his profile (while also cursing under his breath about the fact that he should even have to do so)*I can't really say much that hasn't already been said, so....here, meet my friend, Jack. *hands Hades a full bottle of Old #7*Jack is a bit harsh at first, but he's really nice once you get to know him. ;D Mr. Daniels does help, but in small doses. As does Ms. Juana. They are band aids, not cures. Stay busy. Someone suggested RPGs. They can help get some of the nastier bits out. As can time renting a handgun. I'm not sure if that's an option for you. But some kind of pointless destruction can be fun and healthy. |
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