Post by HonestlyNow on Oct 28, 2009 12:38:31 GMT -5
A book I found in the bathroom at the Christian retreat center I was staying at this weekend (for more on the weekend, see "my fun(die) w/e..." in Science & Tech.) The book is touted as a compilation of all those catchy snippets from sermons that really make you "think"...
The Ten Second Message:
"You can't walk with the Lord and run with the Devil." [apparently Jesus can't keep up...]
"God doesn't love some Christians more than others, He just enjoys some Christians more than others." [cue 70's porn music?]
"If there were any defects in the Bible, who's smart enough to detect them." [so, you don't care if there are defects...just as long as we don't notice them?]
"People do not reject the Bible because it contradicts itself but because it contradicts them." [no, no, I think you've got that one wrong...]
"There are some incurable diseases but sin isn't one of them."
"Faith is when I depend on God. Commitment is when God can depend on me." [because god needs all the help he can get these days...]
"If we'd had welfare, the prodigal son would never have come home. Dad was anxious to help - but didn't until changes in his son's heart." [yeah, that and the fact that there was no way to wire money back then...]
"Hell was not made for people; it was made for the Devil and his Angels. People who reject God just also go there." [wow, what a coincidence, how that "just" happens...also, that's not what I heard...]
"I'd rather spend a little time with a few hypocrites in church than spend eternity with all the hypocrites." [what now? and you're not going to hell for hanging out with hypocrites, because??]
"Thank God for your condition because without God you wouldn't have any condition." [insert the word "mental" before "condition" here, and no truer words were ever spoken...]
The Ten Second Message:
"You can't walk with the Lord and run with the Devil." [apparently Jesus can't keep up...]
"God doesn't love some Christians more than others, He just enjoys some Christians more than others." [cue 70's porn music?]
"If there were any defects in the Bible, who's smart enough to detect them." [so, you don't care if there are defects...just as long as we don't notice them?]
"People do not reject the Bible because it contradicts itself but because it contradicts them." [no, no, I think you've got that one wrong...]
"There are some incurable diseases but sin isn't one of them."
"Faith is when I depend on God. Commitment is when God can depend on me." [because god needs all the help he can get these days...]
"If we'd had welfare, the prodigal son would never have come home. Dad was anxious to help - but didn't until changes in his son's heart." [yeah, that and the fact that there was no way to wire money back then...]
"Hell was not made for people; it was made for the Devil and his Angels. People who reject God just also go there." [wow, what a coincidence, how that "just" happens...also, that's not what I heard...]
"I'd rather spend a little time with a few hypocrites in church than spend eternity with all the hypocrites." [what now? and you're not going to hell for hanging out with hypocrites, because??]
"Thank God for your condition because without God you wouldn't have any condition." [insert the word "mental" before "condition" here, and no truer words were ever spoken...]
