And you thought your family was bad part nth

[lighthorseman]

A woman is facing jail after biting off her boyfriend's testicles during a drunken fight in northern England.

Maria Topp, 44, told the Newcastle Crown Court yesterday that she could not remember biting her partner of five years, Martin Douglas, but did recall arguing with him at his Newcastle flat in February, Chronicle Live reports.

The court heard the pair got into a tousle and the mother-of-four was lying on her back with Mr Douglas, 45, straddling her when she bit him.

Mr Douglas called emergency services but was so traumatised they struggled to understand him.

news.ninemsn.com.au/world/8365783/woman-faces-jail-for-testicle-bite

Worse than Lorena Bobbit. They'd probably struggle to understand you too.

[Runa]

....Why is this in Religion and Philosophy?

[chad sexington]

Balls are a religious to some people I guess.

[Dragon Zachski]

I suspect because the previous topics were, too.

That being said...

...I think I'll be crying in the corner from sympathetic pain.

[sylvana]

In a way i cant help but feel that this is funny.
In part if you are having a fight and have straddled your opponent with your groin in their face, you kind of have yourself to blame.

[lighthorseman]

Oct 27, 2011 2:15:20 GMT -5 sylvana said:

In a way i cant help but feel that this is funny.
In part if you are having a fight and have straddled your opponent with your groin in their face, you kind of have yourself to blame.

The story sort of reminds me of the Billy Conolly joke;

Once upon a time, there was a Russian wrestler named Ivan the Terrible.

Ivan the Terrible had two deadly moves; the half pretzel which will break your neck, and the full pretzel, which will kill you. He travels around Russia leaving mangled bodies everywhere he goes, until finally, no one wants to face him anymore. So in order to support himself he decides to join the circus sideshow.

One day the sideshow is in Glasgow, Scotland. The ring master comes out and says, "Who will face the great Ivan the Terrible?".



No one says anything. Again the ring master says, "Isn't this the great Glasgow I've heard about? I'll offer 1000 pounds to anyone who can beat him".

All of a sudden, this wee drunk Glaswegian in the back pops up, "E'll doo it. E'll doo it. I doo this kind of stuff all the time." The ring master invites the man to come down.

Ivan the Terrible comes into the ring all chained up, growling and foaming at the mouth. They release him and the two begin to wrestle. At first it looks like the wee drunk might be able to hold his own but then Ivan the Terrible gets him in the half pretzel, then the full pretzel. But then suddenly Ivan the Terrible goes reeling back in pain, falls down, hits his head and loses consciousness. The crowd starts cheering and the wee drunk is given his reward.

After the show, the drunk is being interviewed by the BBC. The reporter asks the man "How did you beat the great Ivan the Terrible"? "Well I tell ya, first he got me in that half pretzel and then that full pretzel, and I thought all was lost. Then suddenly, I see this great willie right in front of me face." "So what did you do", the reporter asks? "Well I bit it as hard as I could, didn't I. You know, it's amazing the sudden surge of strength you get when you bite your own willie!"

In all seriousness though, never in the history of the planet has a man been happier to find that his partner is a spitter, not a swallower.