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Post by ragabash on May 10, 2009 2:50:48 GMT -5
The JW's inspired my brothers and I to create the Church of Grouse-on-a-Stick, because we at least knew the grouse was real.
Sadly, the improperly stored grouse didn't last forever, so we no longer have that proof.
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Post by dasfuchs on May 10, 2009 7:23:37 GMT -5
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jes
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by jes on May 10, 2009 14:14:00 GMT -5
The JW's inspired my brothers and I to create the Church of Grouse-on-a-Stick, because we at least knew the grouse was real. Sadly, the improperly stored grouse didn't last forever, so we no longer have that proof. Tsk. Tsk. Quite frankly, it seems you modern founders of religions lack sufficient imagination and give up far too easily. Really, a rotten grouse shouldn't be a problem for you. If one has faith, no proof is needed. Either: (1) Tell your followers that grouse has ascended to Heaven where it sits on the right-hand side of Father Grouse (not to be confused with Mother Goose) or (2) Get yourself a new dead grouse and proclaim it as the reincarnation of the original. (Hey, it works for the Dali Llama.)
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Post by ragabash on May 10, 2009 14:43:05 GMT -5
The JW's inspired my brothers and I to create the Church of Grouse-on-a-Stick, because we at least knew the grouse was real. Sadly, the improperly stored grouse didn't last forever, so we no longer have that proof. Tsk. Tsk. Quite frankly, it seems you modern founders of religions lack sufficient imagination and give up far too easily. Really, a rotten grouse shouldn't be a problem for you. If one has faith, no proof is needed. Either: (1) Tell your followers that grouse has ascended to Heaven where it sits on the right-hand side of Father Grouse (not to be confused with Mother Goose) or (2) Get yourself a new dead grouse and proclaim it as the reincarnation of the original. (Hey, it works for the Dali Llama.)
A second coming of Grouse-on-a-Stick? Hmm... that has potential. In any case, we don't need to worry, as the second deity of the pantheon, Pigeon Mummy, is still well preserved in a museum that will not be named. The spirit of the Grouse lives on.
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Post by antichrist on May 12, 2009 22:06:47 GMT -5
I have a grouse on a stick...
You need to find a better taxidermist.
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Post by ragabash on May 13, 2009 6:39:51 GMT -5
I have a grouse on a stick... You need to find a better taxidermist. I'd have to find out where my brother got it from first... I think it might have been from someone who was still learning. Neither of us hunt, so we can't exactly go get a new one, and even if we did, it wouldn't be the same grouse. There are principles here. Silly ones, yes, but they are there.
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Post by brendanjd on May 13, 2009 6:59:25 GMT -5
I've only ever been approached by missionaries twice in my entire 20= years of being here on Earth. Probably because I'm Canadian and we have 2.5 km for every person lol. Anyway, the first experience was really not bad at all. I was walking to work and saw two guys around 17-18 years old talking to people in front of a specialty toy store. As I walked past I slowed down to see what was going on, and one of them came over and started a conversation about what a nice day it was. He asked politely if he could speak to me about the local LDS temple and, since he asked so nicely, I figured I'd here him out. What really surprised me was instead of starting in about J. Smith and magic underwear, he asked what I knew about his church. I replied with something to the effect of "Well, I know you guys get a bit of bad rap due to the publicity on television." and he said "Yeah, those FLDS guys and that south park episode really hurt our public image." After a few more minutes of talking about my life as a non-Christian with my Anglican girlfriend, he handed me a small cardboard flyer. It wasn't a tract, but just a church bulletin about service times and church events. He wrote his number on it and said to give him a call if I ever wanted to see what his church was really like. I still have it and every now and then I think about taking him up on his offer just so I could see what LDS is actually like. My other experience was shorter, but ten times more hilarious. I had just gotten up, so my hair was all messed up and I had only dressed my fat self in a pair of torn Pink Floyd sleep pants when I heard a knock at the door. I opened the door up as far as the chain would allow and grumbled something like "Yes hello?" A couple of JWs asked if they could spread the good word. Well, I had been waiting for a situation like this for a long time, here's a basic layout of what happened: Me: Oh, are you guys JW's? Them: Yes! May we come inside and talk about the glory of Jesus Christ? (or something like that) Me: Sure, but can you give me a few minutes? Them: Oh to get dressed and cleaned up? Me: No I need to go and tie up my sacrificial goat otherwise he might get out. Them: . Me: I'll be right back. When I shut the door, I heard them all but running down the stairs away from my apartment. It was probably the most lulzy thing I've ever done.
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Post by Bezron on May 13, 2009 12:14:30 GMT -5
Me: Oh, are you guys JW's? Them: Yes! May we come inside and talk about the glory of Jesus Christ? (or something like that) Me: Sure, but can you give me a few minutes? Them: Oh to get dressed and cleaned up? Me: No I need to go and tie up my sacrificial goat otherwise he might get out. Them: . Me: I'll be right back. When I shut the door, I heard them all but running down the stairs away from my apartment. It was probably the most lulzy thing I've ever done. If you can convince them you are a Satanist or Pagan, they will take your address off the mission board at the local Kingdom Hall. I usually get one visit every time I move. I tell them flat out at that time that I am a practicing Pagan (I'm not) and that is usually the last time I hear from them in that area. A JW friend that I had years ago actually gave me that info, because I was begging him to let the people at the local Hall know not to come to my house (was getting bi-weekly visits at the time). I actually got really lucky one time, they knocked while I was in the shower. The only thing handy, other than a towel, was a black priest robe that I had worn for a costume. So I threw that on and answered the door. To my delight, they were JW and didn't take much convincing that I was EVIL. I'm a fairly large guy, and at the time I had long, thick, black hair and a goatee.
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Post by David D.G. on May 13, 2009 12:50:45 GMT -5
I actually got really lucky one time, they knocked while I was in the shower. The only thing handy, other than a towel, was a black priest robe that I had worn for a costume. So I threw that on and answered the door. To my delight, they were JW and didn't take much convincing that I was EVIL. I'm a fairly large guy, and at the time I had long, thick, black hair and a goatee. ;D What's really ridiculous about this is that if they think that's what evil looks like, they need to pay more attention to the news --- particularly with regard to politics. ~David D.G.
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Post by xaria on May 13, 2009 19:26:00 GMT -5
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Post by Vypernight on May 13, 2009 19:56:16 GMT -5
I wonder what would happen if I answered the door in my Grim Reaper costume, mask and all, that I wore for a haunted house a couple years ago.
"I'm a little busy right now, but I assure you I will see you both...(looks at watch) very soon..."
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Post by The_L on May 14, 2009 11:59:56 GMT -5
I read the title as "Gay missionaries", I only got this far before I realised it wasn't the script to a porn movie: Actually, a porno about gay missionaries would be pretty hot. Fortunately, I've somehow managed to avoid the whole door-knocking spiel.
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Post by fhatthewuck on May 14, 2009 20:48:18 GMT -5
I'm rarely bothered by missionaries. They used to visit my home from time to time but not often. Unfortunately, when they did, it was difficult for me to get them to leave. I was a very polite (read spineless) person when I lived at home. The last time I was approached by a missionary was while on pass to Qatar (an island country near Saudi Arabia.) I was wondering around a market when I was notice by a man handing out books to anyone in western style clothes. I opened mine to discover it was about Islam. On one page it attempted to address the appearant non-existence of Allah with something like 'how do you know air exists? We can't see air. (Where have I heard that before?) How do you know you love your wife? What color is love?' I wish I still had the book so I could quote the exact text. I couldn't help but laugh at the offhand jab at Christianity 'all you need is faith in Allah, no need for a perfect man to be sacrificed on a cross.' I would have said something then but it was illegal there to say anything at all negative about Islam and I didn't really want to be arrested. I have to say that I'm pleased that at least he was much less bothersome than some Christian missionaries I've encountered. He approached me in public (rather than my home, not that I had one there,) greeted me 'hello mamn, how are you?' handed me the book, wished me 'good day,' and we both went along on our merry ways. JW and Christian missionaries in general should take note.
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Post by Thejebusfire on May 15, 2009 0:12:55 GMT -5
I read the title as "Gay missionaries", I only got this far before I realised it wasn't the script to a porn movie: Gay missionaries would be awesome.
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Post by ironbite on May 15, 2009 0:49:51 GMT -5
Yes can we talk to you....wow...nice package.
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