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Post by HarleyThomas1002 on May 25, 2009 19:24:05 GMT -5
A friend of mine told me that him and a few of his friends were gonna start a southern rock band. They're gonna grow mullets and where plaid shirts.
It's funny 'cause I can't picture him with long hair and several times a day he (and many others) tell me to get a haircut.
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Akage
Full Member
Existentialist
Posts: 207
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Post by Akage on May 25, 2009 19:37:32 GMT -5
My friend Julia moved in with us this week after her roommate and "friend" left her, high and dry with all the rent and utilities (and no toaster, wtf). When they moved into their POS trailer, the previous tenants had left a few incredibly horrible pieces of furniture. The landlord (and Julia's former roommate's sister) told them they could have it. Or throw it away, whichever they preferred. So, when Julia moved in with us, she brought the two pieces of shit, which looked like they were residing in the post apocalypse. Literally, falling apart.
Well, she comes home from work the other day and asks me to help her unload some furniture she had just picked up, for “extremely cheap”, at the thrift store up the street. The story came to light as I gave her a blank look-- our house is currently full of boxes, as we're trying to find a new home to accommodate the amount of junk we currently possess. Free couches, a table too small to fit four people, that sort of thing.
Apparently, she'd gotten off of work to find a very bitchy voice message on her phone demanding the shitty furniture back. So, to console herself, she'd gone to get "replacement furniture". One of which, a puke-blue... thing... with doors on the front. The other, a "dresser", pale yellow and chipping, that is missing both a back and sides. These things look like they've been passed over by thrift-shoppers for years, forgotten, for how absolutely rancid they both are.
As I was unloading them, I was being absolutely ruthless. "This is the ugliest fucking thing I have ever laid eyes on.", and "Why the fuck would you spend money on this? You spent money on this?", and "Are you fucking kidding me?! I don't want this piece of shit in my house. I don't even want the… The vision of this piece of shit engrained into my memory!"
My litany and critiquing of our new furniture slowly dissolved into near hysterics as we lugged them out of her yellow tracker and onto the gravel. I had tears dripping down my face, trying to push the doors closed on the blue thing, only to have them inelegantly groan open again. There is nothing about this piece of shit that is appealing. The wood is cracked, the shelves are curved, and it won't even stay closed like it's supposed to. I was throwing a pretend fit, pointing my finger at her as I screamed through my laughter, "What have you done to us? We're never going to be able to get rid of this thing. We couldn't PAY someone to take this thing from us! It's going to follow us around for the rest of our lives-- we're going to have to leave it to our progeny for the rest of eternity. It is a curse. You have cursed us with this piece of blue shit that..." I kicked at the doors, they gracelessly fell back. "Doesn't. Even. Close!"
The two horrible things are currently sitting in front of my house scaring visitors away with their putridness.
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Post by malendras on May 25, 2009 19:44:40 GMT -5
Yeah, today my job held this huge memorial day race, like 1500 people show up every year and eat like 2000 hot dogs. Several...dozen necessary supplies (like cups) were missing, so my friend and I are sent to buy the stuff.
I walked into a CVS, asked an employee where the cooking tongs were, and she directed me straight into the aisle of nothing but pool floaties.
Half an hour later later I walked up to the counter at shop-rite with 900 plastic cups. My friend and I were coincidentally discussing beer pong at that very moment. The look on the cashier's face was priceless.
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Post by Deimos on May 25, 2009 20:59:34 GMT -5
I was in legal studies and we were looking at legal maxims, which are all in latin. There was one called Ejusem Generis or something like that. And i wasnt paying attention to what I wrote and I accidently put down Ellen Degeneris
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Post by alwimo on May 25, 2009 21:06:19 GMT -5
I was in legal studies and we were looking at legal maxims, which are all in latin. There was one called Ejusem Generis or something like that. And i wasnt paying attention to what I wrote and I accidently put down Ellen Degeneris Ejusdem Generis (which means "of the same kind"...so it's not totally unrelated ).
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Post by Haseen on May 25, 2009 22:42:07 GMT -5
The Onion movie. Specifically, the Britney spears parody chick that's (unintentionally?) sexual. Also, Steven Seagal as Cockpuncher.
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Post by incognito on May 26, 2009 1:53:33 GMT -5
The Lakers "playing" basketball.
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Post by maanantai on May 26, 2009 11:15:51 GMT -5
Well, I couldn't decide if I should have died or cried today, but there was this creepy and/or crazy man at the grosary store today. I was just minding my own business and walking towards the cashiers when he suddenly turns around in front of me and start laughing and telling me about bamboo and how there are the only bamboo organs somewhere in Philippines and continues telling me who and who had went there to play them. I just try to ignore him and just when I reach the cashier I remember that I forgot orange juice (got to have it!), so back I go and this time change my route so that I can avoid this weirdo... I reach juices and notice that someone has written on the Big Boxes under the lowest shelves stuff about how "abborttions" are somehow caused by "Nazi connSspiracy" (just imitating their spelling, shame that I can't imitate the childish handwriting). I'm kinda puzzled who would write that kind of shit when next box catches my eye; more writings! something about "GrEEt Oorgan plaiars" and finally the only text with no typos, just wrong forms of the words that claimed that the barok-music is the only real rock music. The "organ player"-part kinda gave me idea who could be behind this and when I noticed more stuff about organs I was pretty sure. By the time I got back to cashiers I was still able to hear his mumbling and giggling about organs between shelves, apparently to some teenage girls who, unlike me, couln't hold their LOUD laughter as they were in the line next to mine
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Post by mistermuncher on May 26, 2009 21:15:06 GMT -5
Some wag has variously rearranged the letters on a sign saying "Deli Counter" on a shop near me such that it now reads "Old Cunt". For no good reason, it puts me in wrinkles every time.
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Post by Mira on May 26, 2009 21:25:38 GMT -5
I was in driver's ed today and they played one of those outdated videos about road safety. There was an introduction by George Ryan.
I couldn't stop laughing, but its probably more of a had to be there type of thing.
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Post by Radiation on May 26, 2009 21:39:38 GMT -5
These:
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Post by MaybeNever on May 26, 2009 22:23:11 GMT -5
There's a pawnshop not far from my house, and its sign reads "Stimulate Yo Economy". It leaves me in stitches every time I see it.
Also earlier today I was playing with a bunch of Siamese kittens and pretty much everything they did had me rolling. They all wanted to attack the waggly things at the end of my hand.
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POSW
Full Member
Still metal, no longer Jewish
Posts: 217
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Post by POSW on May 27, 2009 0:35:07 GMT -5
I was talking in a funny accent, and someone asked me if I had any one-dollar bills. I said, "I have shingles!"
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Post by erictheblue on May 27, 2009 11:16:58 GMT -5
I found this on my LJ friends page. The author works nights in a hotel.
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Post by Jebediah on May 27, 2009 12:36:54 GMT -5
I was hanging out with my brother's girlfriend today at their place. She was going through a pile of CDs they no longer want. She was checking out the condition and seeing if they worked so they could sell them.
I saw some of the worst country music I've ever heard of and a bunch of CDs with really bad Hawaiian music. I started making fun of her for having them, and we were already laughing hysterically when she goes, "You know, I got these from your basement."
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