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Post by wmdkitty on Oct 13, 2009 2:35:15 GMT -5
So I got bored and decided to waste some time filling out this ... thing.
Part I: The bondage
1. When did this bondage start?
Birth, really.
2. Was there any unusual things that took place (or you did) when this bondage started?
Was born premature, had no control over that.
3. If this bondage started when you were a child: Do you have ancestors who have suffered from a similar kind of bondage?
Dunno. Adopted. Don't really care.
4. What kind of bondage are you facing? (Fears, depression, voices in your mind, mental illness, physical illness, mental torment, spiritual torment, etc.. Please be as detailed as possible.)
first off, the examples are redundant -- depression and "voices in your mind" ARE mental illnesses.
Secondly, I AM a depressive, I take meds to help balance me out. I am physically disabled (brain damage resulting in Cerebral Palsy). I consider these things as something to be dealt with, as sometimes life just deals you a shitty hand.
Third, this question really belongs BEFORE "When did this bondage start?"
5. What are all the things that have impacted your life? (Parent's death, trauma, a certain situation that changed your life, anything that 'changed' you.)
Being BORN was more than enough trauma, thx, but if you want to get into it, we can.
Part II: Your ancestor's background
1. Do you have ancestors who have struggled with similar problems or bondages?
Adopted.
2. Did your bondage start as a child and appear to have no reason to be there?
Uh... dude, what the hell? I've explained the disability already, and depression doesn't NEED a reason -- it just IS.
3. Do you have siblings who suffer from similar bondages or oppression?
Uh... they're adopted, too. But I'd have to ask them.
Part III: Soul ties
1. Have you been involved with extramarital sex? Are you attracted to an ex-lover? Is he or she a good/godly influence for you?
Yes, yes, and he's now married and living elsewhere. Doesn't stop me from thinking of him fondly, as my first love.
2. Have you been divorced?
Never married, thx.
3. Do you feel an unusual attraction to a past boyfriend, girlfriend or lover (who is obviously not right for you)?
No.
4. Do you let anybody dominate, control, or make your choices you?
Not anymore.
5. Have you ever formed a blood covenant with another person? (Blood brothers, etc.)
Uh... ew. No, I have Hep C from a blood transfusion and I am NOT about to expose anyone else to it.
6. Have you ever made vows or agreements with somebody in effort to strengthen the relationship or commit yourself to each other?
Yes. Didn't work, though. And my promises, I keep, as long as it is within my power to do so AND is beneficial to both parties.
7. Do you see any ungodly relationships in your past where gifts were exchanged? (Are you holding onto something that was given to you from somebody you had an adultery with, etc.)
Huh? Haven't committed adultery, unless you count pre-marital sex, and I have kept gifts because they have sentimental value, and remind me of good times. How the hell is that WRONG?
8. Have you ever had ungodly relations with an animal?
As much as I love animals, and, hey, I'm a furry, but seriously -- NO. Even the furry fandom doesn't condone it.
9. Do you have any pictures in your possession of somebody whom you may have an ungodly soul tie with? (A picture of you with somebody you had an adultery with, etc.)
Uh... no. And will someone please explain what a "soul tie" is? It sounds like a funky piece of neckwear.
Part IV: Relationship with parents
1. What do you think of your parents?
I think they're overprotective at times, but they genuinely care. Don't always agree or get along with them, and have had some epic rows with Dad, but I love them.
2. How would you explain your childhood?
Fairly normal.
3. Where you close to your parents while growing up? If not, why?
It varied, really, day by day. Especially during/after puberty. Mostly because of mood swings or me being cranky.
4. How would you explain your relationship with your parents? Was it good, bad or very cold?
I'd say it's complicated.
5. Did you feel rejection from your parents?
No, even when I deserved it. They have been nothing but supportive, even through my recent crisis.
6. Was either of your parents overly passive or controlling?
No, I just don't like rules, or conforming to societal norms.
7. Has either of your parents been divorced? Remarried? Are your parents divorced?
No, no, and no.
8. How would you describe your relationship with your siblings growing up?
Volatile. I have brothers.
Part V: Rejection and abuse
1. Were your parents married when you were conceived? Were you the right sex? Did your parents not want you, or want you to be different (gender, etc.) in any way? If so, explain.
Nope. They heard "blonde haired blue eyed girl" and said, "we'll take her!" I wonder sometimes, if they had known then that I would have all the issues I have, would they have adopted me? And yeah, that thought does bother me sometimes -- I fear abandoment.
2. Did you feel rejected as a child? As an adult? If so, by whom? Explain.
Not as a child, really, but I've had epic nightmares about being abandoned. As an adult, sometimes, but it's by people who I've come to realize don't matter at all. Seriously, I'm a fucking Satanist, I DON'T CARE -- anyone who would reject me isn't worthy of my presence.
3. Did you face abuse? What kind (emotional, physical, sexual, etc.) and by whom?
Yes, all of the above, ex-fiancee, and I'm in counseling now.
4. Have you faced rejection from your peers, classmates, friends or those around you?
Disabled, therefore OBVIOUSLY different, and some people are fucking dicks. Please refer to the answer to pt V question 2 for further clarification.
5. Have you ever been put down, belittled, or made fun of? If so, by whom? Explain.
Yes, too many times to count, and there's nothing to explain.
6. If you have faced rejection or abuse, how did you respond? Do you feel you are still paying a price for it? If so, how?
Anger. Rage. Sadness. Self-harming behaviors (cutting). I'm paying a price in that I have suffered emotional and psychological damage -- some of those wounds feel like they'll never heal.
7. How do you respond to rejection right now?
"Fuck you, too, asshole." Yeah, that's verbatim.
8. Do you reject yourself (self-rejection)? If so, why and in what ways?
I'm working on accepting myself as I am.
Part VI: Unforgiveness or bitterness
1. Is there anybody you feel edgy around? (Don't like them, feel anything in your heart against them, etc.)
People I don't know, my abusive ex, and drunks.
2. Do you have anything against anybody? In other words, is there anybody that you have a hard time demonstrating the love of Christ to?
I'm sorry, what? Why would I be demonstrating the "love" of "Christ"? There are people I like, people I actively dislike, and people I don't know and thus, don't give a shit about. I'm about doing what's right FOR ME.
3. Has anybody wronged you that you haven't forgiven from your heart (thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc.)?
Haven't forgiven the Jackass, not sure I ever will. Made that mistake too many times to count, and paid for it in scars and bruises.
4. How do your view your siblings, parents, coworkers, etc.? Do you have any hard feelings against them?
I love my family, and my friends, I'll sacrifice for them happily. At the same time, I find them incredibly irritating and have a serious grump on for my little brother.
5. Do you make a habit of blaming yourself for everything? Do you obsess over your mistakes and feel unusually guilty for them?
Not until the Jackass.
6. Do you deeply regret things that you've done in your past? Could you kick yourself over something you've done in your past? If so, explain.
Uh, DUH! I've done some shitty things, nothing specific comes to mind, though. And there have been times I've opened my mouth and said something that just... shouldn't have been said, really.
Part VII: Personality
1. Are you a very positive or negative person?
I try to be positive.
2. Do you feel confident in yourself? If so, why?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no, and it really depends on my mood and my meds.
3. Do you have a low self esteem? If so, why?
Yes. Does it matter why?
4. Are you domineering or controlling? If so, to whom, and in what ways? Why?
I can be, at times, as can all people.
5. Are you an achiever? (A go-getter) If so, in what ways?
Lazy and proud of it, though I'd like to go back to school, graduate, and get a job.
6. Do you feel that you are always right and that if everybody did everything your way, this world would be a better place to live?
Sometimes. I mean, really, if all the world leaders got together and smoked a bunch of weed, we could solve a lot of problems.
7. How do you treat your children? Husband? Are you controlling, passive, etc.?
No kids, no spouse, not even a pet.
8. Do you like people to 'look at you' (as in receive attention)?
Depends on who they are and WHY they're looking at me.
Part VIII: Emotional health
1. Do you strive to feel accepted? If so, how does this affect your lifestyle? By whom do you want to feel accepted?
Why bother? People are dicks.
2. Are you always stressed out? If so, why?
Sometimes, and it really does depend on the situation.
3. Do you feel hurt? If so, by whom/what and why?
READ MY DAMN ANSWERS!
4. Do you feel good about yourself? If not, why?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but it's balancing out for the most part.
5. Do you feel depressed? If so, why? When did it start? Did your parents or grandparents struggle with depression? If so, then do you know when it started and why? Do you have siblings who are also struggling? Do you feel your depression is rational or irrational?
Chemical imbalances are a bitch, and I'm on meds for the depression and anxiety. Looking forward to reviewing my meds and maybe finding some that work better with fewer side effects.
6. Do you struggle with fears? If so, what is it that you fear? (Fear of heights, dying, being hopeless, failure, never marrying, etc.)
Heights, large bodies of water (completely incapable of floating, can't swim, perfectly rational), falling (thanks to my balance being... off), spiders, and abandonment.
7. Do you worry about things? What things do you worry about? Why?
I've always been a compulsive worrier, I'm working on that.
8. Do you struggle with anger? Do you have a short temper?
Depends on which buttons you push.
9. Do you have any insecurities? If so, explain.
Yeah. My family thinks I'm good at drawing, but I'm not so sure. And I don't exactly feel lovable.
10. Do you feel any self-pity or feel sorry for yourself? Have you ever felt this? If so, why?
Who hasn't, it's part of life.
11. Do you find it easy to hate people? If so, over what kinds of things would a person have to do to make you hate them?
Abusers, rapists, child molesters, and anti-marijuana assholes.
12. Do you have any irrational feelings? If so, what are they?
I'm a depressive, I've been suicidal, I've worried over stupid little things like a lost toy, I always have to double-check to be sure my door is closed and locked (though that one's kinda practical), I have mood swings every 13 weeks when I'm due for my Depo shot.
13. Do you feel like something is wrong with you?
Yes, because several things ARE, in fact, medically WRONG with me.
14. Do you feel excessively guilty over anything? Is this a continual problem?
No.
15. Are you very confused and forgetful? (Beyond the normal)
ADD stoner, nuff said.
16. Are you aware of any emotional wounds that have affected you?
Already covered.
17. Have you ever been deeply embarrassed over something? What was it?
Ha! All the fucking time! I have a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease (it runs in the family).
18. Have you been in or are currently experiencing very difficult (depressing) circumstances which may cause you to feel hopeless or depressed?
My meds aren't working the way they should, and that just adds to the usual shit.
Part IX: Who are you in Christ? And how do you see God?
1. How do you explain your relationship with God?
Satanist who doesn't believe in "God" (or Satan, really) as actual physical entities, so it's a moot point.
2. Do you feel you aren't good enough to meet His standards?
He's a sadistic, abusive bastard -- He isn't up to MY standards.
3. Do you see Him as a loving father, or a dictator?
See above -- ABUSIVE. ASSHOLE.
4. Do you believe that it's only by the Blood of Jesus that your sins are forgiven? Or do
you feel you need to earn your forgiveness in any way?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH, that's a good one!
5. Do you feel God's love in your life?
Funny thing, I know a guy named God, and he's a pretty awesome dude, so, yes.
6. Do you feel like your sins are forgiven? Or do you feel guilty?
What sins?
7. Do you feel excessively guilty in everyday life?
No reason to.
8. Do you feel that doing good things, you earn God's love and acceptance?
Uh... why would I want the love and acceptance of an abusive asshole? I've been there and done that, not doing it again.
9. Do you feel that God is angry or upset with you?
Only when he can't find weed.
Part X: Spoken curses, vows & oaths
1. Have you ever spoken something negative about yourself that has came to past? For example: "I'm sick and tired..." or "If I don't quit typing, I'm going to get arthritis!"
Um... yeah, everyone has. Some things are just cold, hard, fact -- to take your typing example, yes, if I type too much, I may get CTS.
2. Has your parents, or those in authority over you spoken out a curse over you? For example: "You'll never amount to anything!" or "You'll never get out of debt" or "You're so dumb"
Haha, no, because no-one has "authority" over me.
3. Have you ever made a vow out of anger? If so, what? For example: "I'll never let anybody push me around again!" or "I'm never going to be hurt again!"
"Dammit, if you die on me, I'LL KILL YOU!" And then I realized how absurd that was. And you know what, I WON'T let anyone push me around again. Ever.
4. Have you ever wished to die? Have you ever said it?
Yes, yes, even came close to attempting suicide.
5. If you have made any vows or oaths, what are they?
Not to throw myself off the overpass. Seriously.
Part XI: Relationships
1. Do you have many friends? What kind of people are they?
Yes, some are stoners, most are geeks, and most are online.
2. Do you have a hard time trying to meet new people or make friends?
Once I've sniffed them out and determined that they're good people, no.
3. Are you socially outgoing or shy? If so, why?
Outgoing at times, mostly shy. I have a hard time interacting with people because I can't read their body language or facial expressions.
4. How would you define your relationship with your spouse?
No spouse.
Part XII: Sexuality
1. Have you ever had unholy sex? What kind? (Fornication, adultery, sodomy, bestiality, with a child, etc.)
Define "unholy sex".
2. Have you struggled with lust, fantasy or unholy sexual thoughts? If so, what kind?
Again, define "unholy". As for lust and fantasies, yes, and it's none of your damn business.
3. Have you been attracted to pornography?
I like teh pr0n, and find nothing wrong with it. There are some varieties that I'm just not into, but to each their own.
4. Do you have homosexual thoughts and desires? If so, have you acted upon those feelings?
Bisexual, yes, and why are you obsessed with this?
5. How do you feel about your sexuality? (Do you feel dirty about it, or do you feel it's a wonderful blessing that God's given you?)
I celebrate it.
6. Do you withhold sex from your spouse or are you fidgety? Do you enjoy a healthy relationship with your spouse sexually? How does he or she react?
No spouse, and the only time I would withhold sex is if I'm sick, or I have an OBGYN appointment in the next two days.
7. Have you ever been raped or sexually abused?
Yes, by the Jackass. How is this relevant?
8. Have you ever woke up and felt a sexual presence with you? There are demons that imitate male and female functions, and stimulate their host (a person) sexually (beyond the normal 'wet dream').
No, and what the hell... OH, HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Incubi and Succubi don't exist, they're a combination of well-known phenomena: sleep paralysis and hypnogogic hallucinations. Same thing that accounts for alien "abductions".
9. Do you struggle or have you struggled with masturbation?
Yeah, my wrist cramps up, and I can't seem to get off....
10. Do you struggle or have you struggled with any other sexual related thoughts, desires, or bondages?
No, because sex is natural and healthy, I accept and even revel in my kinks, though bondage is right out.
11. Is there anything sexually that you are ashamed of?
No.
Part XIII: Addictions
1. Do you have any addictions? If so, what kind? (Drugs, alcohol, smoking, eating, sex, TV, etc.) When did they start?
Cigarettes and Goldfish crackers. Seriously.
2. Did anybody else in your family (siblings, ancestors, etc.) have a struggle with any addictions? If so, what? Who?
Dad (and his parents) with cigarettes. Older brother just went through rehab (what a quitter!). And it's kind of irrelevant, as I'm adopted.
3. Have you ever had, or currently have any sort of obsession over anything? If so, what?
Cats.
Part XIV: False religions
Examples of false religions: Buddhism, Hindu, Jehovah Witness, Mormonism, Christian Scientists, eastern religions, etc.
1. Have you ever been involved with any false religions? If so, why, when and how long? How do you feel about those beliefs now?
Yes. Christianity.
2. Have you ever been involved in any secret societies such as Freemasonry? If so, how deep were you involved?
No.
Part XV: The occult & Satanism
1. Have you ever shown interest in the occult? If so, in what ways? (Read up on it, dabbled in it, etc.)
I've read a great many books, that's all you need to know.
2. Do you still feel drawn or attracted to the occult?
Uh, SATANIST.
3. Have you had any interest in horror or thriller style movies or novels? Are you still attracted to these things?
Those are some of the funniest movies out there, so, yeah.
4. Have you ever made a vow with the devil? If so, what?
I'm a Satanist, and even WE don't believe in "The Devil" as a real entity -- he's a SYMBOL.
5. Married Satan?
See above. Can't marry something that doesn't actually exist.
6. Worshipped a demon or Satan?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No.
7. Have you ever put a curse or spell on somebody?
Wouldn't YOU like to know....
8. Are you aware of any curses or spells placed on you? If so, what? Who did it?
The Jackass tried and failed.
9. Dabbled with an Ouija board? If so, why?
Haha, yes, as a teenager.
10. Ever been a member of a coven (group of 13 witches)? Explain.
A coven isn't strictly 13 people. Please educate yourself.
11. Communicated with the dead? Explain.
Andy came to say goodbye when she was, uh, "put down". *wipes tear* I miss her.
12. Told somebody's fortune or went to see a fortune teller? Explain.
Yes, Tarot, and I find that it offers some insight into subconscious processes.
13. Ever read your horoscope?
I'm a Gemini.
14. Watched or been involved in a séance? Explain.
No.
15. Been involved or a victim of Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA)? Explain.
SRA has been thoroughly debunked, and DOES. NOT. EXIST. So, no.
16. Been baptized into a false religion or any other evil baptism? If so, what were you baptized into? When?
Catholic, not by choice, as an infant. Besides, baptism is a Christianized protection ritual.
17. Have you ever had a spirit guide?
Only if you count my cat(s).
18. Have you ever been involved with meditation, yoga, karate, or related activities?
Meditation is good for your mind, yoga is good for your body, and I don't see where this is "evil".
19. Were you or anybody in your family superstitious? If so, who?
Ha, no.
20. Ever been involved in astral travel? (Out of body)
Yes.
21. If you have made any vows or oaths, what are they? Were there any sacrifices or rituals that was accompanied with them?
None of your business, and no.
22. Have you ever made a blood pact before? If so, with whom (including persons, demons and Satan) and for what purpose?
No, again, I'm infected with Hep C, and it would be irresponsible of me to expose others to my blood.
23. Have you ever partaken in automatic writing, automatic drawing or automatic painting?
HAHAHA, no.
24. Have you ever been involved in Yoga, transcendental meditation, or similar activities?
Asked and answered, I think. But yes, yoga = GOOD STRETCHING, which is important in my condition.
25. Have you ever sought healing from a spiritual source other than Jesus Christ? (New age healing, energy healing, etc.)
Yes, and they've done more for me than this Jesus Christ character.
26. Any other involvement in the occult? Explain.
*snrk* I communicate with cats. Does that make me evil?
Part XVI: Un-confessed sins
1. Are there any un-confessed sins that you have not repented of? (Usually something you've done, that you know is wrong, but won't admit to it. An abortion, stealing, etc. are some examples.)
Uh... "sin" is YOUR deal, not mine, so there's nothing to confess to.
2. Is there anything you've been hiding inside that you haven't confessed?
No... no.
3. Do you feel excessively guilty over some thing(s) you've done in the past? If so, what?
Staying with the Jackass for as long as I did.
Part XVII: Cursed objects
1. Do you have any idols, occult rings, or anything that could hold evil spiritual value in your home? If so, what? Any objects that hold evil spiritual value must be destroyed.
A beautiful statue of Bast, a cat-buddha, and I find them very peaceful. And I'm not destroying things I paid good money for.
2. Do you have any gifts saved from sinful relationships? If so, explain. For example, if a man gives a woman a personal gift during an adultery, that needs to be sold or destroyed.
I have things with sentimental value, yes, and there was nothing "sinful" about the relationship those came from. Again, "sin" is YOUR bag, man.
Part XVIII: Severe trauma, abuse & disassociation
1. Have you ever been exposed to extreme abuse or a traumatic experience? Did it have a drastic effect on your emotional or mental system? If so, what happen? How did it affect you?
Asked and answered.
2. Have you ever disassociated or been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)?
During physical abuse, yes, as a self-protective measure. Apparently that's normal, in that situation. I don't have DID, which is the same thing as MPD.
3. Are you aware of any alters (other personalities) that you may have? (If so, tell me about them)
See above.
4. Do you have a memory gap where you cannot remember a certain time of your life?
Yes, and that's normal.
5. Do you have false memories of things that really didn't take place?
No.
6. Have you ever been in a car accident or other traumatic situation? Have you ever witnessed a tragedy in real life?
Hello, recovering from an abusive relationship, OF COURSE I've been in traumatic situations!
Part XIX: Weaknesses
1. Do you struggle with any habitual sins? If so, what? Do you want to break those bad habits?
Only occasional stupidity.
2. Do you struggle with any weaknesses such as lust, anger, hate, etc.? If so, what? Do you know where they came from or how they got started? Do you want to break free from those weaknesses?
No, and why should I want to break free from normal emotions?
Part XX: Pregnancy issues
1. Have you ever said something along the lines of, "I will never have children"?
Yes, and I WON'T.
2. Have you ever had an abortion or attempted one?
No. I'm responsible enough to use birth control.
3. Have you ever had incest or ungodly sexual relations with somebody related to you? (See Leviticus 20:19-21, as this can cause a curse to land upon you which needs to be broken)
Eeeeew, no.
Part XXI: Other things to look for
1. Have you ever tried drugs? If so, how much, and how did it affect you? Why did you try drugs?
I'm a pothead, it helps with spasticity, muscle cramps, and chronic pain.
2. Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide?
Yes.
3. Do you have any physical or mental disabilities, diseases or illnesses? Explain.
See the first few questions on this monster of a survey. Cerebral Palsy, depression, anxiety, digestive problems, chronic pain, and allergies.
4. Do you want, and are willing to be delivered? Are you willing to give up those demon spirits and maybe make some lifestyle changes in order to keep your deliverance?
Delivered from what?
5. Do you experience unusual confusion settle upon you as you try to pray and read the Bible?
Read it, understood it all too well, and dropped it like a hot bowl.
6. What kind of music do you like? (Please list all styles of music you currently enjoy, and give examples in each category you list, such as some names of artists and songs)
CLASSIC metal and rock, some new-age, and bits and pieces of other genres. I'm wearing an Ozzy shirt as I type this, make what you will of that.
7. Have you previously enjoyed hard rock, metal, acid, alternative, rap, new age, or any other kind of worldly music? (Please provide some examples of artists and songs from each genre (type/style) of music you list)
See above.
8. Have you had any nightmares or weird experiences at night while supposedly sleeping?
Yeah, hasn't everyone?
9. Have you ever been in a trance or had an out of body experience?
Yes.
10. Have you ever noticed time slipped right out from under you? For example, you look at your watch and it's 7:00pm, then you look again what seemed like 15 minutes later and it's 2:00am. This is a sign of a trance.
Yes, and it's due to good entertainment and the internet. Sometimes it was due to craptastic math instructors, LOL.
11. Have you ever touched or kissed a dead body? If so, explain whom and why and what happened afterwards.
Yes. Had a litter of kittens, and found one dead one morning. Cried like a fucking baby.
12. Do you feel that you somehow have to earn your forgiveness? Do you 'wonder' if your sins are truly forgiven -- all of them? Are you aware of any signs of legalism or religious spirits operating in your mind?
WTF?
13. Do you have any physical infirmities, sickness or diseases? If so, please list them.
I've. Already. Explained. This. Twice.
14. Are you on any medications? If so, please explain.
Yes, I can even list them. Fluvoxamine (antidepressant), Buspirone (anti-anxiety), Piroxicam (long-acting NSAID pain reliever), Benadryl (allergies), Tylenol (supplements the Piroxicam), Zolpidem (insomnia).
15. Have you ever had any other kind of weird encounter with the spiritual realm?
Define "weird encounter".
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