Post by Joey Kay on Sept 28, 2009 18:33:53 GMT -5
Monday, September 28, 2009
SCANDAL: KANSAS HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER POSSIBLY A SQUIRREL
Horton, Kansas: Over one hundred concerned parents gathered outside of Horton High School today in protest of one of the biggest scandals to rock the small community in recent years.
"I just don't think it's right," said local mother Jane Kildare. "I'm just not comfortable with 'one of them' teaching my kids. It's against Jesus. I'm not sure where, but I'm pretty sure it's in the Bible."
The uproar is in response to an editorial letter printed in the local newspaper last thursday, which claims that science teacher Marcus Joad is, in fact, a squirrel. The complaintant claims he became suspicious when he caught Mr. Joad eating sunflower seeds while perched on top of his birdfeeder. That, and the fact that Mr. Joad lives in a hole in the trunk of an oak tree behind the cafeteria.
"I don't understand the problem," said ninth grader Kimi Wilson. "Mr Joad is the best. He's really passionate about teaching. Plus, he's real soft, and he has shiny eyes like Neopets!"
"What's this country coming to," demanded local pastor Jonathan Lake. "They take prayer out of schools, and now, our children are being taught by small, arboreal rodents! I got nothing against squirrels in general, but how long before our children are corrupted by all that godless chittering and communistic foraging, and start getting all hopped up on acorns, worshipping Satan, and believin' in Evolution?"
School principal Emily Wilkins had this to say: "Regardless of Mr. Joad's species, we do not discriminate here. Many remember the 1995-1996 schoolyear fondly."
That year, Mrs. Arlene Powell was hired as the school's physical education teacher. Powell, as many may remember, was a llama.
Joad declined to comment on the scandal, choosing instead to leap to a lower tree branch and flick his tail in a rather adorable fashion.
SCANDAL: KANSAS HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER POSSIBLY A SQUIRREL
Horton, Kansas: Over one hundred concerned parents gathered outside of Horton High School today in protest of one of the biggest scandals to rock the small community in recent years.
"I just don't think it's right," said local mother Jane Kildare. "I'm just not comfortable with 'one of them' teaching my kids. It's against Jesus. I'm not sure where, but I'm pretty sure it's in the Bible."
The uproar is in response to an editorial letter printed in the local newspaper last thursday, which claims that science teacher Marcus Joad is, in fact, a squirrel. The complaintant claims he became suspicious when he caught Mr. Joad eating sunflower seeds while perched on top of his birdfeeder. That, and the fact that Mr. Joad lives in a hole in the trunk of an oak tree behind the cafeteria.
"I don't understand the problem," said ninth grader Kimi Wilson. "Mr Joad is the best. He's really passionate about teaching. Plus, he's real soft, and he has shiny eyes like Neopets!"
"What's this country coming to," demanded local pastor Jonathan Lake. "They take prayer out of schools, and now, our children are being taught by small, arboreal rodents! I got nothing against squirrels in general, but how long before our children are corrupted by all that godless chittering and communistic foraging, and start getting all hopped up on acorns, worshipping Satan, and believin' in Evolution?"
School principal Emily Wilkins had this to say: "Regardless of Mr. Joad's species, we do not discriminate here. Many remember the 1995-1996 schoolyear fondly."
That year, Mrs. Arlene Powell was hired as the school's physical education teacher. Powell, as many may remember, was a llama.
Joad declined to comment on the scandal, choosing instead to leap to a lower tree branch and flick his tail in a rather adorable fashion.
