|
Post by xaria on Apr 28, 2009 8:13:24 GMT -5
thanks everyone for the wishes. ill get the feeling s under control again sometime, its funny its so much harder to do it now because of the hormones and stuff, part of teh reason i transitioned was to let me have my emotions but if let myself have them i end up like this. vicious cycle or somehting earlier on a gave a little mention of me being L and T and not wanting to be T. thought i should go into details. post everything transsexual but i wouldve never chosen being trans if id had any semblance of an option, every day i still wake up im still nearly crippled by self hate for the body iv got, vagina or not its a mans. i felt like this for nigh on ever, its a little better now that i have had some facial work and i get a little less abuse out in public but its still there, i think that if i wasnt 6'2, broad, big-footed and fat it would be a little bit easier still but i can only fix one of those things. no matter how nice i try to make my body/ prison/ thing the cold reality seeps in and i'll never escape it. iv thought of suicide a lot and im pretty sure its how im going to leave the world because my problems cant be fixed, only taken until i cant take it any more. i know a lot of other transpeople and most times i see them i ge extremly upset because they manage to be so much better than me in every way. i try to be as femme as i feel and im like a gorilla in drag. so i stick myself in this rut of a dykey looking freak, partly because i like it but mostly because i cant get any closer to how i feel without being a joke. shit, crying now. sorry. lesbianism iv no problems with, though i wish i coulda stayed bi. lesbians on the other hand... they see through my crappy atrtempts to be woman and see a man, a tranny or a drag queen. and they laugh mostly. I think you just summed up most of my fears. I'm going to edit this because I don't want to give the impression that I'm looking at suicide. Xaria's post knocked me for a loop. honey, not everyone ends up like me. a minority as far as i can tell. hugs
|
|
|
Post by schizophonic on Apr 28, 2009 11:14:00 GMT -5
It still scares the Hell out of me. And it's something I can't possibly know until I'm effectively "on the other side," so to speak. That makes it worse as I'm a total control freak.
Anyway, it was mostly shock value. Just seeing everything that scared me laid out like that. I'm not used to it, especially since I've spent a couple of decades trying not to talk, not to think about it.
And I'm terribly sorry you're living it. *ugs*
|
|
|
Post by xaria on Apr 28, 2009 14:43:15 GMT -5
*hugs*
it was the terror that it happen to me that stopped me transitioning til i did. some you win, some you lose.
|
|
|
Post by The_L on Apr 29, 2009 8:13:34 GMT -5
*waves* Bisexual, not active. I live with my parents, and they're proud of their homophobia, so taking a nice girl home is currently not an option.
|
|
|
Post by schizophonic on Apr 29, 2009 22:39:15 GMT -5
*hugs* it was the terror that it happen to me that stopped me transitioning til i did. some you win, some you lose. *hugs* thanks. That's what I'm working on now. I'm in counseling, dealing now.
|
|
|
Post by silencesoloud8603 on Apr 29, 2009 22:48:30 GMT -5
I'm boring. I'd consider myself a "mostly straight" bisexual, but only in the past year have I come to terms with it. I have a fundie past and even after I left Christianity there was and still is a long and arduous healing process ahead of me.
|
|
|
Post by Dr. Waldorf X on Apr 30, 2009 2:20:57 GMT -5
Asexual of sorts here. Never really had much of an interest in anything romantic or sexual.
|
|
|
Post by malicious_bloke on May 1, 2009 10:26:20 GMT -5
Asexual of sorts here. Never really had much of an interest in anything romantic or sexual. Now all we need is an identifier beginning with E and the acronym can be "LEGBAT"...
|
|
|
Post by xaria on May 2, 2009 7:34:36 GMT -5
Enthusiastic?
|
|
|
Post by malicious_bloke on May 2, 2009 7:46:14 GMT -5
Nah, it doesn't score highly enough at scrabble. Unless you stick it on a triple word score
|
|
|
Post by xaria on May 2, 2009 7:50:25 GMT -5
euphamistic?
'I loooove to EAAAAT PIIEEEEEE! Oooh yeah!'
|
|
|
Post by schizophonic on May 2, 2009 9:24:23 GMT -5
Endosexual?
Ewoksexual?
Eurosexual? You know, bi, but with a sense of superiority and ennui?
|
|
|
Post by Sandafluffoid on May 2, 2009 18:01:56 GMT -5
Eurosexual? You know, bi, but with a sense of superiority and ennui? Hey! That's offensive to us...actually, you know what, I can't be offended, it's just plain true.
|
|
|
Post by malicious_bloke on May 2, 2009 18:06:51 GMT -5
Eurosexual? You know, bi, but with a sense of superiority and ennui? Hey! That's offensive to us...actually, you know what, I can't be offended, it's just plain true. Not to me it isn't. The English channel was put there for a reason.
|
|
|
Post by Sandafluffoid on May 2, 2009 18:13:41 GMT -5
Hey! That's offensive to us...actually, you know what, I can't be offended, it's just plain true. Not to me it isn't. The English channel was put there for a reason. Every Eurosceptic argument ultimately boils down to indignantly spluttering "b...but I drink tea, not coffee!". But since I drink coffee, wear scarves, and actively enjoy speaking French I count as more European than British, so I get to be Eurotrash.
|
|