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Post by Shane for Wax on Aug 31, 2011 1:22:58 GMT -5
You gonna make me? *scary face*
Bleh. I feel bad for feeling rotten and knowing things could be worse for me. I don't think that will change.
My body dysphoria has gotten worse especially thanks to a few things that have happened to me medical wise. I can't wait until I get in to see a few specialists.
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Aug 31, 2011 3:54:19 GMT -5
Guilt is pretty much endemic to depression, anxiety and other mood issues, and it's exacerbated by the fact that it turns into a vicious cycle after a while. You feel guilty for being depressed/anxious/whatever, which results in feeling even more depressed, and that, in turn, leads to even more guilt. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Thing is, trauma and environmental stress don't always work on a linear scale -- there are way too many factors involved, direct and indirect. You and I could go through the exact same event, down to every minute detail, and our reactions would still differ in the aftermath depending on everything from the strength of each of our support systems to our respective biological makeups. Even the tiniest discrepancy can have a butterfly effect on how you cope with your misfortunes.
Obviously, there are situations which are so far apart that one has to be taken as worse than the other, but society needs to stop teaching people that a situation has to be the worst of the lot before you're allowed to be upset about it. Fuck that noise. Good people are allowed to be angry when shitty things happen to them. It's human to feel crappy when shit hits the fan. After all, it's not like we can just shut our emotions off.
I know that nothing I can say will magically erase your guilt (yet another emotion that can't be shut off; our brains fucking suck sometimes), but having experienced it myself, I've found that consciously reminding yourself that you're allowed to be upset about certain things can sometimes take the edge off.
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Paimun
Full Member
Captain Punderpants!
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Post by Paimun on Aug 31, 2011 10:27:49 GMT -5
Is there any way to ever escape that cycle of being guilty and being guilty over guilty and etc? I feel like every time I try to take a step out of MY hole I just fall back in twice as far. There's a lot of guilt in my mind that I go over all the time; I'm letting my parents down, letting my friends down, letting myself down, and it's all pretty much imagined because everyone tells me they're supporting me and want me to feel better. Or like, I'll take steps to get out of my hole, but I've learned it's not a real sign of progress by now. One day I'll have something almost like a miniature manic episode, and I'll feel really elated and confident and fill out a job application, or go for a walk outside, or try to apply to college, or something. But it doesn't last on a consistent enough basis and I just sink right back in the next day. It's very frustrating.
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Post by Shane for Wax on Aug 31, 2011 15:26:24 GMT -5
Yeah, Mrs. Antichrist. You basically hit it on your first paragraph. I feel guilty, then I get depressed for feeling guilty then I feel even more depressed because I feel like a wet blanket then I get even more guilty. and round and round down the rabbit hole we go.
I have the same thing happen to me as Pieman. Sometimes I'll feel like I'm on top of the world. I feel sexy I feel amazing and then the next day I'm putting the knife to my skin. I think part of it is I feel guilty for feeling good about myself when I probably shouldn't. (Or so my brain says)
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Post by The_L on Aug 31, 2011 18:26:44 GMT -5
Well, guys, I have decided I am coming out as Wiccan to my dad. The absolute worst he can do to me at this point is cut me off, and I consider paying for my own health and auto insurance (which means more money going out than coming in until next fall, when my car's paid off) to be a small price to pay for honesty. I feel guilty hiding who I am from him.
I mean, seriously? He's going to yell at me and belittle my choice, more than likely, but it's nothing I haven't been through literally hundreds of times before. My only fear is that it means not getting to talk to my mom anymore if he DOES cut me off, because mom is awesome and I love her and I don't want to hurt her like that.
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Post by largeham on Aug 31, 2011 19:32:09 GMT -5
What Shane and Pieman said.
Good luck L, is your father a fundie?
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Paimun
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Posts: 221
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Post by Paimun on Sept 1, 2011 9:43:46 GMT -5
I'm not going to be able to function in the real world if I can't handle losing a chess game.
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Sept 1, 2011 10:04:49 GMT -5
Is there any way to ever escape that cycle of being guilty and being guilty over guilty and etc? Definitely. I no longer experience it to the same degree as I used to, so it's certainly possible to get out of it. I'm not really sure exactly what it was that helped me, but I suspect that it was a byproduct of simply dealing with the depression, etc. Mind you, there are still times when I feel crappy and start feeling guilty over it, along with the standard first world guilt most of us occasionally deal with, but it's no longer as frequent and intense as it once was. |
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Post by The_L on Sept 1, 2011 16:39:59 GMT -5
What Shane and Pieman said. Good luck L, is your father a fundie? Fundie Catholic, minus the stance on condoms. He apparently thinks that Wicca is a Harry Potter LARP. This will probably not end well. |
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Post by nickiknack on Sept 6, 2011 14:45:58 GMT -5
I had a semi-meltdown in the mall today...I hve them from time to time, but I've been having kind of a crappy day all day today so...
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Paimun
Full Member
Captain Punderpants!
dick fingers
Posts: 221
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Post by Paimun on Sept 6, 2011 16:52:41 GMT -5
Trying to convince yourself to slice open your cartoid arteries is a bad, bad way to spend a Tuesday evening.
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Post by Aqualung on Sept 7, 2011 11:55:41 GMT -5
I need to talk to the doctor about my anxiety issues. I had a bad panic attack one day a few months ago; luckily I was at home and I could go lay down. My cat was lying on me doing his best to help calm me down. It eventually passed, but holy shit!! D:
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Post by Napoleon the Clown on Sept 7, 2011 20:53:44 GMT -5
Fun, aren't they?
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Post by Shane for Wax on Sept 8, 2011 1:25:16 GMT -5
Yay, my dysphoria mixed with panic attack nearly made me crash my car an hour ago!
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Post by nickiknack on Sept 8, 2011 17:49:50 GMT -5
I had another semi-meltdown again toady, it all started with my mom talking about my uncle being a loser(he is) because he doesn't have a job and so forth. I told her that when she says that to my face I feel like she's talking about me, and it turned into an argument, over Ollie, because I mention I should give him to my sister to take care of until I find a job. So she started the "I don't like, Ollie" bs again. You know what I love Ollie, but I feel like both me & him are bit of a burden to her at times. I love that dog, I don't like to feel like a burden, and given the fact he's mine, I feel he's a burden also. Though she does have a point that I've been spending way too much time, online, and ignoring Ollie a bit. But I do love him a lot.
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