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Post by Radiation on May 27, 2011 17:20:30 GMT -5
Well I have bi-polar and Asperger's, also Borderline Personality Disorder. I am also a self mutilator and had a recent relapse a few weeks ago (There's a thread in F&B about it)
Like smurfetteprinciple, I have huge issues with my body image. I have always felt that I was extremely ugly.
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Colosphe
Junior Member
And nothing of value was contributed
Posts: 92
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Post by Colosphe on May 28, 2011 5:31:17 GMT -5
TL;DR at the bottom because I don't even want to read it. I think I just have a social phobia/social anxiety association with a dash of self depreciation. I mean, I can function and such, but when I get into things like...starting relationships, be they friendships or further(oh wait none of those yet), I'm incapacitated. I also kinda have issues with my body, considerin' I'm tall, lanky, and not particularly happy with my own skin color*; I'm mulatto(love the word, sounds like coffee). I actually think I'd be happier to be short, stocky, and white. Perhaps a girl, because then I'd get a pass for being shy, as a Shrinking Violet. As it stands, I'm just really quiet, inexpressive, and imposing figure. I tried to stay away from Track, because despite being a sprinter by nature, I'm afraid of failing at the one thing I'm good at in front of people. So I got into wrestling. NO ONE expects it, and I'm not very good. It's a nice masculine sport, so I can further myself from being called anything, and I get to grapple sweaty men in spandex don't have to really compete, because I know I won't win in the end. ...Then I also have an urge to throw problems at my mother! I really, really don't like dogs. To me, they're not worth the time and money of keeping one or two. We have 13-15. I don't even know anymore. I just shut myself up in my room with my computer and my window wide open to funnel out the wretched stench. It's not so bad now, because she bought another house that she said would be a business in...last month, where she keeps most of them. Still, I'm afraid to bring people over to the house, where my mother tore the carpet out up before she left, that's in a perpetual mess due to animals with free reign, and STILL has a lingering smell of dog arse. Oh and maybe it's just because it's prom season and people are flaunting their relationships, but I have cried a few times in the past week... Once over self-pity, and again over a Vietnam veteran(Really cool guy) who I forgot to contact for 2 years, and lost the information to contact him with. ...Oh dear. That's quite a lot, and most of it stuff I wouldn't tell my friends at gunpoint. Probably that internet anonymity. I feel like a jerk for posting so much when everyone else kept it to one paragraph...*Probably because my dad constantly reminds me that when I get into the "real world," I'll always have a big "N" painted on my shirt. TL;DR: I really don't like anything about myself, but I have distractions so I don't notice anything beyond my 1600x900 screen. |
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Post by trike on May 28, 2011 21:22:47 GMT -5
I've battled depression off and on for most of my life (I told the therapist I was seeing that there was never a time in my young life where I didn't believe I'd die young, and it wasn't really a "I'll never get old" thing) and it got bad enough a year ago that I sought help.
Luckily, my team leader didn't freak out when I told her all the crazy shit going on in my head but helped me find resources to help, either to keep me on the team or to go home and get some rest if I needed too. I started seeing a therapist and talking to a psychiatrist. The therapist was amazing and it was awesome to be able to talk to someone who I knew wouldn't judge me or try to shove me into a box. Also, her son's family is fundy Jewish so she knew a bit of where I was coming from given my fundigelical background.
I was also put on cymbalta, which was nice at first because I could function in everyday life but lately it's becoming a bitch and I want to (and I think I'm ready to) get off it. The only resources I've found online for coming off of it make it out to be a Herculean task and there is no fucking way I am going off of it cold turkey again. I kinda wish I had asked the psychiatrist more questions about different medication options and how to wean myself off of it...
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ottery
New Member
Otterly delicious
Posts: 23
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Post by ottery on May 28, 2011 22:00:39 GMT -5
Well, it's gotten to the point for me where I don't think I can ignore it any longer. My extremely poor attention span and lethargy is ruining my chances at excelling at my current job, which is the job of my dreams that I went to a trade school for. It's even ruining my sex life. I loose interest in so many things, that the many hobbies I pick up along the way are just collecting dust and wasting money. I've got a wii, PS2, PS3, DS, laptop, and many other things to play around with, and yet I'm always bored. I'm going to talk to my doctor about it on Monday, when I schedule an appointment to get my IUD put in. Hopefully I can turn my life around, because a baker's management position just opened up, and I really want it! It will be perfect for my boyfriend and I, as far as schedules and borrowing car goes. I'll also be salaried and get better insurance, which is a must since I'm on the state insurance now. It does not cover dental, which I really need.
TL;DR: I'm pretty sure I have ADD and I'm finally getting medication for it (hopefully).
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on May 28, 2011 22:36:05 GMT -5
@colosphere: Hey, one big post is better than lots of little posts. *guilty look* And...why does your dad keep telling you that, in the 'real world', you're going to be treated badly because of your skin color? I mean...I know there are a lot of shitheads out there, but he's kinda sounding like one himself, it's hardly any help to tell you you're dark-skinned.  ...that reminds me of a Wanda Sikes exchange she did with Jay Leno: "Was it easier to come out as gay than to be known as black?" "*gives him a weird look* Uh...yeah, sure! Yeah, told my parents "I'm gay and I'm black!", and they were like "Oh good for you honey, but you're not black, you're just...Cherokee! Your grandmother was Cherokee, you're not black." Poorly paraphrased, of course. ottery: I was going "Holy hell that sounds like me" until you mentioned ADD. I kinda thought those were depression symptoms, even the poor attention span (which, when you're dealing with shitty memory, is a given, eh?). Hrm...I just find it interesting, ignore me. I have stories collecting virtual dust, paper wands pleading for pretty paint jobs, elastic and beads sitting all around waiting to be made into jewelry because I just...can't finish. My room's a mess, my sink's piled with dishes, and all I can seem to do (without Herculean effort) is just look at it and wish I wasn't such a lazy pile of shit. That's what my post at the top of this page is related to, actually...
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ottery
New Member
Otterly delicious
Posts: 23
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Post by ottery on May 28, 2011 22:40:48 GMT -5
ottery: I was going "Holy hell that sounds like me" until you mentioned ADD. I kinda thought those were depression symptoms, even the poor attention span (which, when you're dealing with shitty memory, is a given, eh?). Hrm...I just find it interesting, ignore me. I have stories collecting virtual dust, paper wands pleading for pretty paint jobs, elastic and beads sitting all around waiting to be made into jewelry because I just...can't finish. My room's a mess, my sink's piled with dishes, and all I can seem to do (without Herculean effort) is just look at it and wish I wasn't such a lazy pile of shit. That's what my post at the top of this page is related to, actually... It may be depression, or Bipolar, since both my dad and my sister have been diagnosed with it by their doctors this year. My mother has it, but refuses to go to a doctor/therapist for it. |
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on May 29, 2011 1:05:03 GMT -5
ottery: I was going "Holy hell that sounds like me" until you mentioned ADD. I kinda thought those were depression symptoms, even the poor attention span (which, when you're dealing with shitty memory, is a given, eh?). Hrm...I just find it interesting, ignore me. I have stories collecting virtual dust, paper wands pleading for pretty paint jobs, elastic and beads sitting all around waiting to be made into jewelry because I just...can't finish. My room's a mess, my sink's piled with dishes, and all I can seem to do (without Herculean effort) is just look at it and wish I wasn't such a lazy pile of shit. That's what my post at the top of this page is related to, actually... It may be depression, or Bipolar, since both my dad and my sister have been diagnosed with it by their doctors this year. My mother has it, but refuses to go to a doctor/therapist for it. *wince* Well...whatever it is, I hope you and your doctor find some way to help with the symptoms...lethargy and disinterest in activities = teh suck. Big time. *offers hugs* And I apologize if I came off as saying "Psh bitch you don't know what you talkin' 'bout that's totally depression"...I tend to sound like that without meaning to, and I honestly was just surprised at the idea that it might be ADD as opposed to what I automatically assume at those symptoms. I swear to Astania, I'm not a jackass. |
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Post by tygerarmy on May 29, 2011 1:44:32 GMT -5
I think I'm broken mentally.
I'm incapable of being sad or depressed.
The worst I feel is neutral.
Life and people are always shitting on me, things are always going wrong and I just don't care.
I just look at the next task and try to do it.
Bad things happen and I'm just like aww, that sucks.
And then the feeling is gone.
I feel like I should care but I don't.
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Post by wmdkitty on May 29, 2011 4:17:00 GMT -5
Sorry to derail this perfectly good thread, but mmm, Emily Deschanel.  *pant, pant, drool*Well, I'm gonna have to second that *drool*. |
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Post by wmdkitty on May 29, 2011 4:19:36 GMT -5
I think I might have some anger issues, and my stubborn streak is starting to bother me.
Bleargh. I'm fucked up.
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ottery
New Member
Otterly delicious
Posts: 23
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Post by ottery on May 29, 2011 21:44:07 GMT -5
It may be depression, or Bipolar, since both my dad and my sister have been diagnosed with it by their doctors this year. My mother has it, but refuses to go to a doctor/therapist for it. *wince* Well...whatever it is, I hope you and your doctor find some way to help with the symptoms...lethargy and disinterest in activities = teh suck. Big time. *offers hugs* And I apologize if I came off as saying "Psh bitch you don't know what you talkin' 'bout that's totally depression"...I tend to sound like that without meaning to, and I honestly was just surprised at the idea that it might be ADD as opposed to what I automatically assume at those symptoms. I swear to Astania, I'm not a jackass. I knew you weren't being mean. :3 I was just saying, "well, it might be depression, too." *hugs back* I'm open for ideas. |
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brainy
Junior Member
Gay, atheist, psychologist. The fundie trifecta!
Posts: 63
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Post by brainy on May 29, 2011 22:47:31 GMT -5
*wince* Well...whatever it is, I hope you and your doctor find some way to help with the symptoms...lethargy and disinterest in activities = teh suck. Big time. *offers hugs* And I apologize if I came off as saying "Psh bitch you don't know what you talkin' 'bout that's totally depression"...I tend to sound like that without meaning to, and I honestly was just surprised at the idea that it might be ADD as opposed to what I automatically assume at those symptoms. I swear to Astania, I'm not a jackass. I knew you weren't being mean. :3 I was just saying, "well, it might be depression, too." *hugs back* I'm open for ideas. A big problem with diagnosing mental health problems is that different things manifest in different ways in different people. Plus the fact that many different disorders can look alike in some regards. What is typically thought of as the symptoms of ADD/ADHD can also look like the mania or hypomania associate with Bipolar Disorder and vice versa. I had a patient once that I was sure had a personality disorder, the attending psychiatrist was also sure that he was just Bipolar and in a long mania cycle. Turns out I was totally wrong and once he started a mood stabilizer the narcissism gradually faded, but it illustrates how intertwined and muddy things can get when it comes to mental health diagnoses. |
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Post by lighthorseman on May 29, 2011 22:55:48 GMT -5
Welp. Had a therapy appointment today, and I think we've finally found the general location of the roots of my problems-- I'm stuck in the goddamned kindergarten stage of Initiative vs. Guilt. So yeah, college student on the outside, sad little kindergartner on the inside. I always thought I wasn't as mature as everyone seemed to think, but this is too literal for me. a. what are the symptoms, b. what is the recommended treatment for that? |
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Post by lighthorseman on May 29, 2011 22:58:37 GMT -5
Sorry to derail this perfectly good thread, but mmm, Emily Deschanel. *pant, pant, drool*Well, I'm gonna have to second that *drool*. I like her sister, too. Also... depression, PTSD, medicated, non therapy compliant. |
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Post by wmdkitty on May 29, 2011 23:13:02 GMT -5
I need therapy, but I can't find a good one that takes fucking Medicaid. The ones that do? Aren't worth it. Plus, you know, it takes time to trust people, and ... yeah.
I miss my old therapist.
Currently I'm angry, and I don't know why. I think it's because I tend to turn my depression and anxiety outward, and it comes out as RAEG. I'm kinda heading towards a RAGE-BAWWW.
I don't like it.
I don't like me.
I don't wanna be around me, right now.
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*pant, pant, drool*
