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Post by m52nickerson on Jul 5, 2009 20:41:54 GMT -5
So I been trying through the day to explain to my oldest why one of his pet hermit crabs is not longer in their tank. Superman Crap, named that because the Superman S painted on his shell, died. I keep getting asked "Were is Superman Daddy?" I have tried to explain that he dies and daddy buried him in the back yard. I then get asked to go get him. I've used different examples but the idea remains beyond his grasp.
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Post by Magnizeal on Jul 5, 2009 20:49:11 GMT -5
Perhaps try the more simple, "Superman is gone and he can't come back" thing? If you get asked to bring him back, you could try the 'it's just his body, not him' thing, but I'm not sure that would work... sorry, I'm not good with the whole 'kid' thing.
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Post by Tiger on Jul 5, 2009 20:52:29 GMT -5
Speaking as an 18 year old with no experience with such a thing:
Explain birth. Has he met anyone who's pregnant/had a baby? Then explain death, portraying it as simply the opposite. People don't exist before they're born, but eventually they die, and then they go back to not existing. Everyone is born, and everyone dies. People, hermit crabs, even trees. If he asks why, tell him that that's just the way things are.
Edit: You might want to stress that it doesn't happen that often so that he doesn't start thinking you died every time you run out to the store.
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Post by m52nickerson on Jul 5, 2009 21:06:02 GMT -5
I've tried similar to both, but thanks for the thoughts guys. I think it maybe just something that at this point he will not grasp.
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Post by Marc on Jul 5, 2009 21:39:29 GMT -5
I've tried similar to both, but thanks for the thoughts guys. I think it maybe just something that at this point he will not grasp. Unfortunately, this is likely the case. At three, he simply can't grasp the idea that someone that has always been there is gone and can't come back. We were "fortunate" with my autistic daughter in that we didn't have to explain what happened to the goldfish after awhile (they simply went away, and she lost interest). With a non-autistic child, I couldn't even begin to describe what happened. Marc |
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Post by HarleyThomas1002 on Jul 5, 2009 21:57:51 GMT -5
Could always explain the plot for Superman: Doomsday. The only difference is instead of Superman going to some space station he's actually dead.
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Post by clockworkgirl21 on Jul 5, 2009 22:19:15 GMT -5
I would just say he's dead, meaning he isn't coming back.
I knew what death was when I was three.
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Post by maanantai on Jul 6, 2009 5:08:49 GMT -5
But whatever you do, do not compare death to long sleep that one never wakes up from, I had sleeping problems as a kid because of that kind of thing x(
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Post by dantesvirgil on Jul 6, 2009 10:10:01 GMT -5
Nick -- a hard conversation to be sure. With Dante, I basically did just what you did. I think your kid "gets" it, just probably not as thoroughly as he will later. The important part is the "not full of life anymore" and the "not coming back, in the ground, turns back into dirt" kind of stuff. It's not 100% perfect nor entirely accurate (with the dirt part), but it's the kind of thing a three year old can sort of get. Just be happy it's a crab and not a person.  That's much, much more difficult. Don't be surprised if he starts worrying about people, though. Understanding how death works really freaks a kid out. In my experience, anyway. Even if you tell them gently or they do most of the mental labor on their own. It's probably one of the most difficult human concepts to come to terms with. |
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Post by captainhooker on Jul 6, 2009 10:56:45 GMT -5
I dread one day having this conversation...
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Post by Admiral Lithp on Jul 6, 2009 11:04:18 GMT -5
In Death & Dying, there was a chapter that talked about how people understood death at different ages.
Naturally, I can't remember any of it.
Have you tried an analogy about the hermit crab being broken & not functioning any more?
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Post by dantesvirgil on Jul 6, 2009 20:08:04 GMT -5
That probably wouldn't work with a little kid like Nick's because "broken" means "take it to Daddy and he can fix it." But I get where you're going with that. Plus, it might make the kid think he broke the crab somehow!
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Post by m52nickerson on Jul 6, 2009 20:21:41 GMT -5
I made the mistake of saying that dead is like broken.......and got that very response....fix him daddy.
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Post by HarleyThomas1002 on Jul 6, 2009 20:25:34 GMT -5
Y'know I just so happen to know a Necromancer who lives a few houses away.
Although I think his license was revoked.
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Post by Tiger on Jul 6, 2009 20:45:15 GMT -5
Y'know I just so happen to know a Necromancer who lives a few houses away. Although I think his license was revoked. ...where can I get one of these licenses? |
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That's much, much more difficult. Don't be surprised if he starts worrying about people, though. Understanding how death works really freaks a kid out. In my experience, anyway. Even if you tell them gently or they do most of the mental labor on their own. It's probably one of the most difficult human concepts to come to terms with.
