MysticalChicken
Junior Member
Current avatar: "Nina Hamnett With Guitar" by Roger Eliot Fry, c. 1917-18
Posts: 81
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Post by MysticalChicken on Aug 18, 2009 6:50:17 GMT -5
Everyone here should read Who Wrote The Bible and 101 Myths of the Bible. Yahweh and Elohim sources were hastily pasted together, and some verses got in because of a propaganda war between the two camps. I have the first one and have read it once. It's been a while, though, so I should probably pick it up again once I've finished re-reading The Selected Satires Of Lucian. (Sorry, no wtf passages from me, I don't have a bible. Used to have one but I think I sold it at a garage sale.)
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Post by Tiger on Aug 18, 2009 9:30:06 GMT -5
Sorry, no wtf passages from me, I don't have a bible. Used to have one but I think I sold it at a garage sale.) Hooray for the internet!This one's keyword-searchable too.
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Clown
New Member
Posts: 18
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Post by Clown on Aug 18, 2009 11:41:30 GMT -5
Deuteronomy 21:18 -21:21
18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.
Also, deuteronomy 21:01 to 21:14 are pretty freaky as well:
Atonement for an Unsolved Murder 1 If a man is found slain, lying in a field in the land the LORD your God is giving you to possess, and it is not known who killed him, 2 your elders and judges shall go out and measure the distance from the body to the neighboring towns. 3 Then the elders of the town nearest the body shall take a heifer that has never been worked and has never worn a yoke 4 and lead her down to a valley that has not been plowed or planted and where there is a flowing stream. There in the valley they are to break the heifer's neck. 5 The priests, the sons of Levi, shall step forward, for the LORD your God has chosen them to minister and to pronounce blessings in the name of the LORD and to decide all cases of dispute and assault. 6 Then all the elders of the town nearest the body shall wash their hands over the heifer whose neck was broken in the valley, 7 and they shall declare: "Our hands did not shed this blood, nor did our eyes see it done. 8 Accept this atonement for your people Israel, whom you have redeemed, O LORD, and do not hold your people guilty of the blood of an innocent man." And the bloodshed will be atoned for. 9 So you will purge from yourselves the guilt of shedding innocent blood, since you have done what is right in the eyes of the LORD. Marrying a Captive Woman 10 When you go to war against your enemies and the LORD your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, 11 if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. 12 Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails 13 and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured. After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife. 14 If you are not pleased with her, let her go wherever she wishes. You must not sell her or treat her as a slave, since you have dishonored her.
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MysticalChicken
Junior Member
Current avatar: "Nina Hamnett With Guitar" by Roger Eliot Fry, c. 1917-18
Posts: 81
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Post by MysticalChicken on Aug 18, 2009 20:16:56 GMT -5
Sorry, no wtf passages from me, I don't have a bible. Used to have one but I think I sold it at a garage sale.) Hooray for the internet!This one's keyword-searchable too. Oh, yeah, I know about Internet!Bible, but I hate reading books online. If I'm gonna read a book I want to read an actual book, made out of paper and with pages and such.
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Post by Undecided on Aug 19, 2009 0:02:16 GMT -5
I would nominate 1 Samuel 28, wherein Saul consults the Witch of Endor for tidings.
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Post by The_L on Aug 19, 2009 7:08:59 GMT -5
Ooh! Ooh! Some more good ones! Psalm 137: 8-9 8 O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us- 9 he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks. And Deuteronomy 28 gives about 50 verses of disturbing, explicit detail as to how people who disobey God will be cursed.
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Post by Pasta on Aug 19, 2009 7:27:36 GMT -5
The whole of isaiah 47 is pretty weird...
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Post by rookie on Aug 19, 2009 7:34:07 GMT -5
Most of Leviticus. Like what's wrong with a cotton/poly blend? How come I can't plant beans next to tomatoes? For what it's worth, the fundies have the right idea ignoring this book. If only they'd toss out 18:22 with the rest.
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Post by Rime on Aug 19, 2009 11:27:47 GMT -5
Rookie, there are some things you shouldn't plant next to each other, and beans and tomatoes are one such combination. I highly doubt that it means eternal damnation for disregarding the advice. There's a list for folks who raise gardens that save the guesswork for companion planting so you can maximize your yields.
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Post by Admiral Lithp on Aug 19, 2009 12:20:16 GMT -5
Rapture Ready lurkers, now's your chance: Explain away all of these WTF verses, & we'll admit that the Bible is full of wisdom.
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Post by Jodie on Aug 21, 2009 23:30:30 GMT -5
There's no one passage that stands out for me. The whole thing is pretty much a huge WTF?!
Genesis confuses me though because of the whole two different and contradictory creation stories in the same chapter or whatever. That's where I stopped reading anyway. Waste of my time and sanity.
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Post by Admiral Lithp on Aug 22, 2009 3:37:57 GMT -5
Speaking of Genesis, I just love how light comes before the sun, & plants come in between them.
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Post by solomongrundy on Aug 23, 2009 5:00:48 GMT -5
What God will do to cynical priests according to Malachi 2:3
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.
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Post by antichrist on Aug 23, 2009 22:43:04 GMT -5
Most of Leviticus. Like what's wrong with a cotton/poly blend? How come I can't plant beans next to tomatoes? For what it's worth, the fundies have the right idea ignoring this book. If only they'd toss out 18:22 with the rest. Well I guess that's part of what makes natives such heathens. I was watching a show on traditional gardening, and they always planted "the three sisters" together. Corn, beans, squash. The corn provided a pole for the beans, the beans increase the nitrogen in the soil, and the squash leaves cover the mound and act as a mulch. According to the show, this method was used from Mexico to Canada.
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Post by Rime on Aug 24, 2009 22:59:03 GMT -5
Well I guess that's part of what makes natives such heathens. I was watching a show on traditional gardening, and they always planted "the three sisters" together. Corn, beans, squash. The corn provided a pole for the beans, the beans increase the nitrogen in the soil, and the squash leaves cover the mound and act as a mulch. According to the show, this method was used from Mexico to Canada. It's beans and tomatoes (and likely other nightshades like potatoes and peppers) that shouldn't be planted together, the link I provided on companion planting does verify that, but I have to wonder where they managed to obtain a vegetable that was plentiful in South America unless one of those relatives were actually scribed in. The "three sisters" works out beneficially. It's also been shown that Cruciferae like cabbage and broccli aren't good neighbors for nightshades like tomatoes and potatoes
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