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Post by lonelocust on Aug 29, 2009 21:10:05 GMT -5
It's more likely than I think.
So my cousin made a Facebook post that said something like "My whole life revolves around what an asshole my dad is and how I may never be able to lead a normal life because of it." I'm not super-close with my cousin, but we liked each other as kids and we've caught up a bit since he found me on Facebook. So I made a response something like "Well normal is overrated, but the best we can do is take those experiences and try to help them inform our actions and make us live a better life for having had them."
So then my other uncle (the brother of the asshole dad in question responds with:
"Remember, he is still your father. The Bible says "Honor your father and mother." Good or bad we must honor our parents. I learned a long time ago that you can still honor your parents even after they have passed away. Your dad needs you now more now than ever. Don't wait till its too late to show him you haven't stopped loving him. Christ hasn't stopped loving your dad and we have no right to stop loving him no matter what. Remember, Christ died for you, me, and your dad."
So yeah, my cousin has no religion listed. I presume he's agnostic or indifferent. I think that's fucking rude for someone whom you don't know to share your religious preference. But my mom's whole family are fundies, and that uncle (though he has some nice redeeming qualities) is certainly a fundie. My cousin just deleted the original post, which might have been because of rude fundies responding with fundietude or because later he just didn't want to be bleeding on the internet. It happens. I don't know what the original post was about, but his dad certainly is an asshole, a fundie, and a racist.
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Post by Hades on Aug 29, 2009 22:39:01 GMT -5
Last time I checked, love isn't something you can choose to have or not have. And you certainly have the right to not love someone who treats you like crap, whether you sprung from their loins or not. Something tells me this guy would have no trouble being a rape apologist.
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Post by catanon on Aug 30, 2009 5:15:07 GMT -5
Respect is earned, it is not automatic.
Obviously there are some cases where NO respect should be given *cough*childabuse*cough*
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Post by Caitshidhe on Aug 30, 2009 11:36:07 GMT -5
I love this widespread assumption that if you share a surname or DNA with someone, you have to love them and have a relationship with them regardless of how shittily they treat you. Try this philosophy on for size: IF THIS PERSON WAS A FRIEND AND TREATED YOU THIS WAY, THIS PERSON WOULD NOT BE A FRIEND ANYMORE.
This is kind of a touchy area for me because I have absolutely no affection for anyone in my family. They're nice enough people (except for my parents and brother, who are borderline abusive), but we have nothing in common apart from our DNA. They're irritating optimists, neurotic, loud, pushy, nosy--basically every stereotype ever about Italian families. You're not obligated to love or have any kind of relationship with people just because of your blood. And ESPECIALLY not because some imaginary sky-daddy says you have to. Lonelocust's uncle is completely off his rocker. *eyeroll*
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on Aug 30, 2009 11:45:49 GMT -5
I love this widespread assumption that if you share a surname or DNA with someone, you have to love them and have a relationship with them regardless of how shittily they treat you. Try this philosophy on for size: IF THIS PERSON WAS A FRIEND AND TREATED YOU THIS WAY, THIS PERSON WOULD NOT BE A FRIEND ANYMORE. My! What a novel idea! But you know us young'ns just wanna be selfish little self-absorbed brats and that's the REAL reason we resist associating with certain family members. "But he/she's your GRANDMOTHER/UNCLE/AUNT/GRANDFATHER/MOTHER/FATHER/etc. etc.! You're supposed to love and respect them! Remember the Bible?! Honor thy mother, father, grandmother, grandmother, uncle, aunt, cousin, second-cousin-of-your-fiance's-aunt's-wife's-husband??!!" |
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Post by Vene on Aug 30, 2009 13:50:33 GMT -5
I'll associate with my "family" when they use the proper pronouns for my mates.
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Post by Hades on Aug 30, 2009 14:16:29 GMT -5
I find it very hard to love and honor the man who has barely been there through my entire life just because he slipped one past the goalie. I'd like to forgive him and probably come to love him, but he needs to show me that he's serious about making amends and building a relationship.
Until then, meh.
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Post by Marc on Aug 30, 2009 14:36:26 GMT -5
second-cousin-of-your-fiance's-aunt's-wife's-husband??!!" Why do I have the sudden desire to compare my schwartz to yours? Marc |
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Post by Caitshidhe on Aug 30, 2009 14:50:13 GMT -5
I'm not interested at all in having anything other than the most casual and tangential relationship with my parents. In the end, I think we're just people who DO NOT get along. (That they treat me like absolute shit does factor into this.) We'd all be immeasurably happier without each other--we should just sell the house, split up the money, and go our separate ways. Sometimes families just aren't meant to be families, but most societies put so much emphasis (far TOO much, as far as I'm concerned) on families and sticking together and all that garbage when sometimes it'd be best for everybody involved if they just didn't have anything to do with each other.
Unfortunately, my dad and I are the only two people who agree that we'd all be happier without each other. My mom likes to pretend we're One Big Happy Family.
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Post by Thejebusfire on Aug 30, 2009 15:45:17 GMT -5
Just because you're a product of somebody's sperm, doesn't mean you should automatically "Honor" them.
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Post by ironbite on Aug 30, 2009 16:08:31 GMT -5
I'll associate with my "family" when they use the proper pronouns for my mates. And I'll use proper pronouns for your mates whenever you guys decide what you're using for the week. Ironbite-it's zie and bubbles right? |
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Post by lonelocust on Aug 30, 2009 18:34:42 GMT -5
I couldn't agree more with Cait et. al. I neither like nor love most of my immediate family (with my siblings excluded. I joke that my brother is "undead to me" because I declared my whole family dead to me and then said "except my brother", but it was too late because he was ALREADY DEAD!), and I do not associate with them beyond the level of affection that I have for them. So I talk to my siblings when I get a chance, completely ignore my mother 100%, will exchange occasional niceties with my dad (I went to his wedding), and there you have it. I have been given shit for this by SOs, friends, and others, and it pisses me off. It doesn't piss me off quite as much as my mother saying she loves me and that I am important to her - she just hates everything I do and how I act. You know what that means? That means YOU DON'T LOVE ME! I hate the concept of "love" being watered down to... whatever non-entity people with family obligation hangups adhere to. We generally don't want people that "love" us romantically only for our body (sexually), so why is it OK for people to say they "love" us familially only for our body (DNA)? That whole thing can jump in a pool of angry sharks as far as I am concerned.
But yeah, I love% someone telling someone they have to because skydaddy says so - especially someone who has no indication of whether they belive in skydaddy and if so what they think he has to say about anything at all.
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Post by Vene on Aug 30, 2009 22:17:29 GMT -5
I'll associate with my "family" when they use the proper pronouns for my mates. And I'll use proper pronouns for your mates whenever you guys decide what you're using for the week. Ironbite-it's zie and bubbles right? See, the demented robot has half a clue. |
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Post by Caitshidhe on Aug 30, 2009 22:32:56 GMT -5
When I was very young (well, not VERY young--I might have been eleven or twelve at the time) I decided that I would love and respect only the people who showed me respect and affection. Yes, I was and am nothing but an annoying, bratty, emo shitbag, hardly worthy of the slightest respect, but I like to pretend that I had a point even then. I find it impossible to even pretend to have affection for people who treat me so poorly and I CERTAINLY can't respect people who don't respect me. All I ever wanted was to be taken seriously, listened to, and my opinions and concerns taken into consideration. Especially with matters that directly effected me.
But when I told my parents that I wanted some measure of respect I think I got the shit taken out of me very swiftly so I have since abandoned that idea.
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Post by RavynousHunter on Aug 31, 2009 4:31:45 GMT -5
Man, I feel almost lucky that I have the parents I do. My dad may be the rare breed of Witness Near-Fundie (doesn't believe in evolution for idiotic, centuries-outdated reasons), but hell, he's at least been there for me, and would take a bullet for me without even so much as a thought. I may not like some of the things he does, and his many annoying tendencies, but ... well ... he's my dad, I can't not love the man. The fact he was able to raise me to be even a half-decent person is astounding, given how many people I've seen in far better situations than I turned out to be nothing more than over-developed ejaculations.
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