Religious Metaphors

[Captain Obvious]

I am sure that anyone who has spent any reasonable amount of time arguing about religion on the internet has encountered at least one theist who gives a metaphor to try to explain why we as Atheists cannot comprehend the perfection of their chosen religion until we are actually a member. This thread is for discussion of your favorites and most obnoxious metaphors you have encountered.


One I have encountered frequently is the experience firsthand metaphor, for example.

Imagine you saw a group of people and they were all drinking coffee. They tell you that this coffee is delicious and that you should try it. You don't want to try it and you tell them so. They tell you that it's the greatest coffee in the world and that drinking has changed their drinking habits forever. You retort that the coffee smells really bad and looks disgusting and thus you don't want to drink it.

So they say, "You can smell the coffee and look at the coffee, but you won't really know whether or not you will like coffee until you taste it. Once you taste the coffee you will know that it really is good and wonder why you haven't been drinking coffee before now."

Now these are not the exact words but the general idea of the coffee metaphor I was bludgeoned with. He later went on to explain that the coffee was religion, and that while I as a pitiful Atheist could see the results of the religion (smell and taste) I could not actually comprehend the religion until I joined it (drink the koolaidcoffee).

So tell me FSTDT, have you encountered any of these bizarre and twisted metaphors for why we should accept jebus as our lord and master?

[dasfuchs]

May 17, 2009 0:45:09 GMT -5 Captain Obvious said:

I am sure that anyone who has spent any reasonable amount of time arguing about religion on the internet has encountered at least one theist who gives a metaphor to try to explain why we as Atheists cannot comprehend the perfection of their chosen religion until we are actually a member. This thread is for discussion of your favorites and most obnoxious metaphors you have encountered.


One I have encountered frequently is the experience firsthand metaphor, for example.

Imagine you saw a group of people and they were all drinking coffee. They tell you that this coffee is delicious and that you should try it. You don't want to try it and you tell them so. They tell you that it's the greatest coffee in the world and that drinking has changed their drinking habits forever. You retort that the coffee smells really bad and looks disgusting and thus you don't want to drink it.

So they say, "You can smell the coffee and look at the coffee, but you won't really know whether or not you will like coffee until you taste it. Once you taste the coffee you will know that it really is good and wonder why you haven't been drinking coffee before now."

Now these are not the exact words but the general idea of the coffee metaphor I was bludgeoned with. He later went on to explain that the coffee was religion, and that while I as a pitiful Atheist could see the results of the religion (smell and taste) I could not actually comprehend the religion until I joined it (drink the koolaidcoffee).

So tell me FSTDT, have you encountered any of these bizarre and twisted metaphors for why we should accept jebus as our lord and master?

I love ones like that, because often atheists are former theists of some sort that did try their brand of 'coffee' and found it to be shit

[Admiral Lithp]

As a matter of fact, I have never run across a metaphor like this.

Basically, "you can't understand until you're one of us" thing is supposed to suffice.

Which is why I ask why they even bother wasting my time with such a one-sided "argument."

[antichrist]

Except the majority of us have drank the Kool-aid Coffee. But then they always come back that obviously we were in the wrong church.

[canadian mojo]

Some like it black, some like it with cream, some like like it with sugar, and some even like it with whiskey, but which way is the real way to drink the perfect cup of coffee?

[Zabimaru]

May 17, 2009 6:29:06 GMT -5 canadian mojo said:

Some like it black, some like it with cream, some like like it with sugar, and some even like it with whiskey, but which way is the real way to drink the perfect cup of coffee?

How can you even ask such a question? Of course coffee must be black! If you put anything in your coffee you deserve to burn in hell for all eternity. My holy book and my priest tells me that my way is the right way, so I know that it's true.

Now, I don't hate you if you're a heathen who likes to put sugar or milk in his coffee *shudders in disgust*. No, I see you as my beloved brother! I just strongly feel that you deserve eternal torment, that's all. Sure, putting sugar in a coffee is a sin that hurts only you, but a sin is always a sin and you will burn for it.

[Lady Renae]

Religion should be a reeses cup.

There's no wrong way to eat it. ^-^

[Yahweh]

May 17, 2009 0:45:09 GMT -5 Captain Obvious said:

So tell me FSTDT, have you encountered any of these bizarre and twisted metaphors for why we should accept jebus as our lord and master?

Straight from the FSTDT archive (paragraph breaks added):

[Replying to 'If a rapist was sentenced to death, and his mother died in place of him, how is justice served at all?']

Actually the mystery of Christ dying for us is even harder to comprehend than the scenario you post. Here is a better analagy:

A rapist commited a crime that the law required death to be the punishment - no jury, no deliberations, just him and the judge. And the judge, feeling gracious (for some unexplainable reason), said the law requires death for the crime itself, so if you can find someone who is willing to come forward to take the death sentence for you, then you will be set free and justified in the eyes of the law.

So, of course, no-one would step forward to die in the place of this gruesome criminal, until.... The person who he raped so horribly and violently, and showed no mercy to, went to the judge and said- I WILL DIE FOR HIM- and the judge slams the gavel and orders the new prisoner to be executed in the morning, and he says to the executioners-" do not be merciful on the prisoner, for in taking the place of the condemed, he must suffer exactly as the condemed would have- the law requires no less for this crime."
And then the judge turns to the criminal who had fully deserved his death sentence (and he knew he had deserved it and stood speechless as the one whom he had violated offered to take his place)- and says "My child, you are now justified in the eyes of the law- you are set free" This criminal feeling shock and disbelief at what had taken place- swore the rest of his life in service of the one who died for him. He was so awed that the victim had taken his punishment, that he told everyone he knew of the mercy that this victim had showed him- He swore to never let the merciful one's death be in vain. He would tell the world!!

A lengthy explanation- but I hope it suffices- and to answer your final question of how can this even be justice? I will never claim to understand why the son of God stepped forward to take our place in death- it will remain a mystery forever to me. I don't know why He did it, but I'm forever grateful that He did. To answer your other question, to why God requires a life for a life (blood)- I tried to explain that in my above post. Also, you ask why doesn't he just snap His fingers and clear our sin?- well, if He did that He wouldn't be a just God. Law requires that there be a punishment for the crime.

kerri, Rapture Ready [11/1/2002 12:00:00 AM]

This is easily the worst and most offensive analogy I've ever encountered.

God's concept of justice demands that somebody die for a crime -- anybody really, the killer, the victim, a random Joe on the street. More blood for the blood god!

Let's not even get into the profound injustice that children deserve death because their parents misbehaved.

[kwenf]

Imagine you saw a group of people and they were all drinking coffee. They tell you that this coffee is delicious and that you should try it. You don't want to try it and you tell them so. They tell you that it's the greatest coffee in the world and that drinking has changed their drinking habits forever. You retort that the coffee smells really bad and looks disgusting and thus you don't want to drink it.

So they say, "You can smell the coffee and look at the coffee, but you won't really know whether or not you will like coffee until you taste it. Once you taste the coffee you will know that it really is good and wonder why you haven't been drinking coffee before now."

Meh, not as awesome as using cocaine and drug addicts for a metaphor.
"You dont know how good it is unless you try it"

[The Lazy One]

May 17, 2009 9:12:48 GMT -5 Yahweh said:

May 17, 2009 0:45:09 GMT -5 Captain Obvious said:

So tell me FSTDT, have you encountered any of these bizarre and twisted metaphors for why we should accept jebus as our lord and master?

Straight from the FSTDT archive (paragraph breaks added):

[Replying to 'If a rapist was sentenced to death, and his mother died in place of him, how is justice served at all?']

Actually the mystery of Christ dying for us is even harder to comprehend than the scenario you post. Here is a better analagy:

A rapist commited a crime that the law required death to be the punishment - no jury, no deliberations, just him and the judge. And the judge, feeling gracious (for some unexplainable reason), said the law requires death for the crime itself, so if you can find someone who is willing to come forward to take the death sentence for you, then you will be set free and justified in the eyes of the law.

So, of course, no-one would step forward to die in the place of this gruesome criminal, until.... The person who he raped so horribly and violently, and showed no mercy to, went to the judge and said- I WILL DIE FOR HIM- and the judge slams the gavel and orders the new prisoner to be executed in the morning, and he says to the executioners-" do not be merciful on the prisoner, for in taking the place of the condemed, he must suffer exactly as the condemed would have- the law requires no less for this crime."
And then the judge turns to the criminal who had fully deserved his death sentence (and he knew he had deserved it and stood speechless as the one whom he had violated offered to take his place)- and says "My child, you are now justified in the eyes of the law- you are set free" This criminal feeling shock and disbelief at what had taken place- swore the rest of his life in service of the one who died for him. He was so awed that the victim had taken his punishment, that he told everyone he knew of the mercy that this victim had showed him- He swore to never let the merciful one's death be in vain. He would tell the world!!

A lengthy explanation- but I hope it suffices- and to answer your final question of how can this even be justice? I will never claim to understand why the son of God stepped forward to take our place in death- it will remain a mystery forever to me. I don't know why He did it, but I'm forever grateful that He did. To answer your other question, to why God requires a life for a life (blood)- I tried to explain that in my above post. Also, you ask why doesn't he just snap His fingers and clear our sin?- well, if He did that He wouldn't be a just God. Law requires that there be a punishment for the crime.

kerri, Rapture Ready [11/1/2002 12:00:00 AM]

This is easily the worst and most offensive analogy I've ever encountered.

God's concept of justice demands that somebody die for a crime -- anybody really, the killer, the victim, a random Joe on the street. More blood for the blood god!

Let's not even get into the profound injustice that children deserve death because their parents misbehaved.

Holy shit. That's probably the most twisted thing I've ever heard as an explanation for "god's mercy". Who the fuck would worship a god that demands that someone, anyone, die? It doesn't matter who it is? That's just fucked up.

[xaria]

but what if youve tasted cofee and its as bad as it smells...

[Sigmaleph]

The prisoner one is incredibly fucked up. I originally saw it in a Chick tract.
The one about how we can't judge God because "the clay doesn't talk back to the potter". Also used to justify God killing people, because he gave us life and can thus take it away. (they never seem to mention this one in abortion discussions, funnily enough)

[id82]

Also what kind of judge talks like that?

[peanutfan]

May 17, 2009 12:08:19 GMT -5 Sigmaleph said:

Also used to justify God killing people, because he gave us life and can thus take it away. (they never seem to mention this one in abortion discussions, funnily enough)

I always reply to that, "So your argument is that we shouldn't question or think for ourselves because someone stronger than us might get mad...just like a schoolyard bully or a mean teacher in school."

Never gotten a good reply to that one.

[Old Viking]

The mental contortions are astounding.