|
|
Post by DeadpanDoubter on Jun 27, 2011 15:20:41 GMT -5
*pokes the thread* Um. So. I've been taking my meds regularly, dealing with my feelings for my best friend, but now that something's come up with my mom (bedeviled if I know what) I'm...going crazy.
See, whenever I have an 'episode', I either end up shutting down emotionally or doing something stupid-- choking, racing around in my car, something that could easily end in death. And I haven't had one of these episodes in a long time, but I can feel myself building to one, and I'm trying to use the methods I'm learning in DBT to head it off at the pass, but...my control's slipping, and I'm afraid.
|
|
|
|
Post by wmdkitty on Jun 27, 2011 23:32:11 GMT -5
So my parents converted the garage into a studio apartment and moved me in. It's great -- flatpanel TV, indoor plumbing, little kitchenette, super comfy bed, unlimited Gracie snuggles -- so why do I feel so fucking stressed out?
Today we finished unpacking and organizing, and by the time we were on the last bin I was thisclose to a full-on screaming melt-down.
Why am I feeling so anxious? Where the hell is this coming from? And why the fuck can't I sleep at night? (I can sleep during the day, sure, but Mom wants me up and around during daylight hours.) Why can't I just... adjust to the whole awake during the day thing?
What the fuck is WRONG with me?!
|
|
|
|
Post by The_L on Jun 28, 2011 19:28:39 GMT -5
It takes time to adjust to a major shift in your sleep schedule. Give it time.
|
|
|
|
Post by Vene on Jun 28, 2011 19:42:35 GMT -5
It takes time to adjust to a major shift in your sleep schedule. Give it time. I have some experience shifting your sleep schedule around (fuck my last job), what I find works the best is to move an hour or two at a time, whether it's staying up a little later or going to bed a little earlier. But don't try to do too much at once, it just makes things worse. |
|
Paimun
Full Member
Captain Punderpants!
dick fingers
Posts: 221
|
Post by Paimun on Jun 28, 2011 19:51:38 GMT -5
Oh, why haven't I posted here yet? Um, I have clinical depression I'd say, I'm really apathetic, and I can't even book myself doctor's appointments to attempt to get help. I think my biggest problem at this point is just being self-destructive. I mean there isn't any other explanation to how I am other than I just don't want to get better. And how am I supposed to get better if I actively try not to?
Blah.
|
|
|
|
Post by Shane for Wax on Jun 28, 2011 20:51:32 GMT -5
I haven't relapsed since the last one. I think this is a success. I still feel depressed and drained but not enough to harm myself.
|
|
|
|
Post by wmdkitty on Jun 28, 2011 22:38:57 GMT -5
I haven't relapsed since the last one. I think this is a success. I still feel depressed and drained but not enough to harm myself. *hugs* Good. |
|
|
|
Post by DeadpanDoubter on Jun 28, 2011 23:23:27 GMT -5
Oh, why haven't I posted here yet? Um, I have clinical depression I'd say, I'm really apathetic, and I can't even book myself doctor's appointments to attempt to get help. I think my biggest problem at this point is just being self-destructive. I mean there isn't any other explanation to how I am other than I just don't want to get better. And how am I supposed to get better if I actively try not to? Blah. Pieman, do you live in my brain? If so, STOP THAT. *hugs* During my "blegh, why bother" periods, I try to stop attending my appointments...but after a scare they had when I overslept and missed a psychiatry appointment (albeit, after a particular severe bout of suicidal thoughts and choking), I'm basically required to keep attending appointments. It's either that, or totally drop out of college, since it's through the college counseling center and they're determined not to let me out until I'm fixed or whatever. As distressing as it makes me feel sometimes, it's still good to know that they're not going to let me hurt myself, period...I was even roped into DBT for the summer because of it, and I don't doubt that they'll try to get me into DBT for all the following semesters. So, tl;dr, I feel you, man, and the best way to get through it may be to have a support network to which you're held accountable (in one way or another) for making and attending appointments. |
|
|
|
Post by Shane for Wax on Jun 28, 2011 23:24:43 GMT -5
I haven't relapsed since the last one. I think this is a success. I still feel depressed and drained but not enough to harm myself. *hugs* Good. I think it might help I met someone who shares a lot of my interests and they're local. Part of my depression was being unable to meet someone locally who shared my interests and I could hang out with. |
|
Paimun
Full Member
Captain Punderpants!
dick fingers
Posts: 221
|
Post by Paimun on Jun 28, 2011 23:53:53 GMT -5
Pieman, do you live in my brain? If so, STOP THAT. *hugs* During my "blegh, why bother" periods, I try to stop attending my appointments...but after a scare they had when I overslept and missed a psychiatry appointment (albeit, after a particular severe bout of suicidal thoughts and choking), I'm basically required to keep attending appointments. It's either that, or totally drop out of college, since it's through the college counseling center and they're determined not to let me out until I'm fixed or whatever. As distressing as it makes me feel sometimes, it's still good to know that they're not going to let me hurt myself, period...I was even roped into DBT for the summer because of it, and I don't doubt that they'll try to get me into DBT for all the following semesters. So, tl;dr, I feel you, man, and the best way to get through it may be to have a support network to which you're held accountable (in one way or another) for making and attending appointments. Well, thanks. I think you're right on the money about the support thing. I don't really have anyone who is actively there to...push me to improve myself I guess. And I have anger issues. That doesn't help. *hugs back* |
|
|
|
Post by DeadpanDoubter on Jun 29, 2011 11:27:15 GMT -5
Pieman, do you live in my brain? If so, STOP THAT. *hugs* During my "blegh, why bother" periods, I try to stop attending my appointments...but after a scare they had when I overslept and missed a psychiatry appointment (albeit, after a particular severe bout of suicidal thoughts and choking), I'm basically required to keep attending appointments. It's either that, or totally drop out of college, since it's through the college counseling center and they're determined not to let me out until I'm fixed or whatever. As distressing as it makes me feel sometimes, it's still good to know that they're not going to let me hurt myself, period...I was even roped into DBT for the summer because of it, and I don't doubt that they'll try to get me into DBT for all the following semesters. So, tl;dr, I feel you, man, and the best way to get through it may be to have a support network to which you're held accountable (in one way or another) for making and attending appointments. Well, thanks. I think you're right on the money about the support thing. I don't really have anyone who is actively there to...push me to improve myself I guess. And I have anger issues. That doesn't help. *hugs back* If you like, I could be your nagger.  MAKE APPOINTMENT, NAAAAOOOOO... I think a lot of people with depression have anger issues, though some internalize it to the point where it's not readily recognizable as anger...if I may ask, what do you identify as anger issues? |
|
|
|
Post by lighthorseman on Jun 29, 2011 11:30:33 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by MaybeNever on Jun 29, 2011 11:49:01 GMT -5
Oh, why haven't I posted here yet? Um, I have clinical depression I'd say, I'm really apathetic, and I can't even book myself doctor's appointments to attempt to get help. I think my biggest problem at this point is just being self-destructive. I mean there isn't any other explanation to how I am other than I just don't want to get better. And how am I supposed to get better if I actively try not to? Blah. Self-destructiveness as a consequence of depression is obviously not a good thing, but it is absolutely not a sign of "not wanting to get better". Almost always it arises because it serves some kind of regulatory function in terms of your neurochemistry: cutters (for instance) get a wash of endorphins as the brain copes with the pain, plus this can activate areas of the brain that are understimulated thanks to low neurotransmitter levels related to the depression. Autistic people can show the same stuff, where they will self-harm simply because it provides a powerful sensory stimulant that they crave. In all cases it is possible to learn better ways to get what is needed, but it is a painful process to let go of old ways and master new ones. Wanting to get better is important, but being afraid or having a hard time with the process is completely understandable. ETA: Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is pretty hot right now, and is specifically geared toward depressed people who self-harm. I'd suggest you do some looking - I can probably help - to see if you can get in to sessions either alone or in a group. Edit 2: added quote for clarity. |
|
|
|
Post by Shane for Wax on Jun 29, 2011 11:53:11 GMT -5
Self-destructiveness as a consequence of depression is obviously not a good thing, but it is absolutely not a sign of "not wanting to get better". Almost always it arises because it serves some kind of regulatory function in terms of your neurochemistry: cutters (for instance) get a wash of endorphins as the brain copes with the pain, plus this can activate areas of the brain that are understimulated thanks to low neurotransmitter levels related to the depression. Autistic people can show the same stuff, where they will self-harm simply because it provides a powerful sensory stimulant that they crave. In all cases it is possible to learn better ways to get what is needed, but it is a painful process to let go of old ways and master new ones. Wanting to get better is important, but being afraid or having a hard time with the process is completely understandable. ETA: Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is pretty hot right now, and is specifically geared toward depressed people who self-harm. I'd suggest you do some looking - I can probably help - to see if you can get in to sessions either alone or in a group. ' Who is that directed to? |
|
|
|
Post by MaybeNever on Jun 29, 2011 11:56:21 GMT -5
Well, anyone, really, as I'm happy to support people in getting treatment for their issues, but in particular Pieman. Forgot to quote him... I'll edit it up.
|
|
MAKE APPOINTMENT, NAAAAOOOOO...
