Colosphe
Junior Member
And nothing of value was contributed
Posts: 92
|
Post by Colosphe on May 31, 2011 20:36:10 GMT -5
@colosphere: Hey, one big post is better than lots of little posts. *guilty look* And...why does your dad keep telling you that, in the 'real world', you're going to be treated badly because of your skin color? I mean...I know there are a lot of shitheads out there, but he's kinda sounding like one himself, it's hardly any help to tell you you're dark-skinned.  ...that reminds me of a Wanda Sikes exchange she did with Jay Leno: "Was it easier to come out as gay than to be known as black?" "*gives him a weird look* Uh...yeah, sure! Yeah, told my parents "I'm gay and I'm black!", and they were like "Oh good for you honey, but you're not black, you're just...Cherokee! Your grandmother was Cherokee, you're not black." Poorly paraphrased, of course. My dad came from Oakland; moved up to OR for a safer place to raise a family. He had to deal with it all his life, so he expects it for me, too. One time when he was at Juvie, some white kid decided to talk trash. Moments later, the boy was on the floor with a bloody nose. As he lay in the dirt, bloodied and laughed at, he managed to exclaim "At least I'm white," as he slithered away. While he was dating my (white) mother, he would ride the bus with her. Some skinhead across the aisle gave them the evil eye all the way through. He ignored it. After my mother stepped off, the skinhead jumped to his feet; my dad did the same. The skinhead, seeing his challenge, decided to squeal "Bus driver! He looked at me!" The whole bus was roaring with laughter, and people were cracking jokes. They both took their seats. Although funnier, it's still showing how these jackasses are. He's not being an arse purpose, he just thinks that once I leave home, I'll have to put up with that crap. He worries because he knows I'm too soft. P.S. you spelled my name wrong >:C |
|
brainy
Junior Member
Gay, atheist, psychologist. The fundie trifecta!
Posts: 63
|
Post by brainy on May 31, 2011 22:04:57 GMT -5
That actually sounds wonderful. I wish they had it in my area. No, what I'm doing is meet with a doctor tomorrow to get my prescriptions double checked to see if they need to be upped or changed. Then come friday I'm meeting with a new therapist to discuss some issues I've been having. This was actually scheduled before I went into the hospital so it's good to have it. Come monday I've got a meeting with my regular counselor. I normally see him bi-weekly but he may bump it up to weekly until the danger is passed. He may also refer me to a case manager or have me attend a once a week group therapy until things cool down. All on the road to getting better, right? I work as the director of an IOP program now. Ours is a for dual diagnosis (mental health plus substance use disorder) but there are many, many across the country that are strictly mental health related only. There could be one near you that just isn't promoted all that much. You could possibly ask for a referral from your therapist. I'm very glad that your attempt didn't work, and being able to realize that you would try again and checking yourself in voluntarily shows a degree of insight you should really be proud of. I commend you for your bravery because it sounds like you have an awful lot of it. *hugs* EDIT: Yes, the 72 hour is mandatory in most states for voluntary treatment. An involuntary psychiatric hold is also 72 hours but it is much more likely that the treatment would be extended for involuntary patients. The person must be deemed as a danger to themselves or others to gain the involuntary hold. There usually has to be an identified person when talking about "harm to others" which then becomes part of the Tarasoff Rule. |
|
|
|
Post by Chi Shiro on May 31, 2011 22:15:46 GMT -5
That actually sounds wonderful. I wish they had it in my area. No, what I'm doing is meet with a doctor tomorrow to get my prescriptions double checked to see if they need to be upped or changed. Then come friday I'm meeting with a new therapist to discuss some issues I've been having. This was actually scheduled before I went into the hospital so it's good to have it. Come monday I've got a meeting with my regular counselor. I normally see him bi-weekly but he may bump it up to weekly until the danger is passed. He may also refer me to a case manager or have me attend a once a week group therapy until things cool down. All on the road to getting better, right? I work as the director of an IOP program now. Ours is a for dual diagnosis (mental health plus substance use disorder) but there are many, many across the country that are strictly mental health related only. There could be one near you that just isn't promoted all that much. You could possibly ask for a referral from your therapist. I'm very glad that your attempt didn't work, and being able to realize that you would try again and checking yourself in voluntarily shows a degree of insight you should really be proud of. I commend you for your bravery because it sounds like you have an awful lot of it. *hugs* Not really, it just shows that I became insanely attached to something that I shouldn't have been all that fond of and when it was taken away my abandonment issues reared their ugly head. And when my abandonment issues kick in, and I haven't been on my medicine, well....a desperate Chi I be. |
|
brainy
Junior Member
Gay, atheist, psychologist. The fundie trifecta!
Posts: 63
|
Post by brainy on May 31, 2011 22:17:57 GMT -5
I work as the director of an IOP program now. Ours is a for dual diagnosis (mental health plus substance use disorder) but there are many, many across the country that are strictly mental health related only. There could be one near you that just isn't promoted all that much. You could possibly ask for a referral from your therapist. I'm very glad that your attempt didn't work, and being able to realize that you would try again and checking yourself in voluntarily shows a degree of insight you should really be proud of. I commend you for your bravery because it sounds like you have an awful lot of it. *hugs* Not really, it just shows that I became insanely attached to something that I shouldn't have been all that fond of and when it was taken away my abandonment issues reared their ugly head. And when my abandonment issues kick in, and I haven't been on my medicine, well....a desperate Chi I be. But you can see that about yourself. Many people never do. Thus it becomes something to be proud of.  |
|
|
|
Post by Chi Shiro on May 31, 2011 22:21:45 GMT -5
Not really, it just shows that I became insanely attached to something that I shouldn't have been all that fond of and when it was taken away my abandonment issues reared their ugly head. And when my abandonment issues kick in, and I haven't been on my medicine, well....a desperate Chi I be. But you can see that about yourself. Many people never do. Thus it becomes something to be proud of. *shrugs* I suppose I can see what you're saying. My problem was that my family doesn't really care about me and I was using this other thing as a surrogate family. So when it was yanked out from underneath me I lost all hope. Hell, try going from feeling loved and wanted one week to being told people were glad you were gone the next and see how screwed up your mental state will be. |
|
brainy
Junior Member
Gay, atheist, psychologist. The fundie trifecta!
Posts: 63
|
Post by brainy on May 31, 2011 22:31:00 GMT -5
But you can see that about yourself. Many people never do. Thus it becomes something to be proud of. *shrugs* I suppose I can see what you're saying. My problem was that my family doesn't really care about me and I was using this other thing as a surrogate family. So when it was yanked out from underneath me I lost all hope. Hell, trying going from feeling loved and wanted one week to being told people were glad you were gone the next and see how screwed up your mental state will be. I'm quite certain that I would have a significant number of negative emotions in that situation. I don't mean as if to sound that I think its as easy as just flipping a switch and choosing to be positive. I apologize if it came off that way. I'm just eternally optimistic, its a curse. |
|
|
|
Post by Chi Shiro on May 31, 2011 22:39:51 GMT -5
*shrugs* I suppose I can see what you're saying. My problem was that my family doesn't really care about me and I was using this other thing as a surrogate family. So when it was yanked out from underneath me I lost all hope. Hell, trying going from feeling loved and wanted one week to being told people were glad you were gone the next and see how screwed up your mental state will be. I'm quite certain that I would have a significant number of negative emotions in that situation. I don't mean as if to sound that I think its as easy as just flipping a switch and choosing to be positive. I apologize if it came off that way. I'm just eternally optimistic, its a curse. Sorry myself, I don't mean to come off as prickly. I've just had it suggested to me recently that I need to fake it until I either make it or break. Kinda of a "either way, we're happier with the way you're acting if you do that" thing. |
|
brainy
Junior Member
Gay, atheist, psychologist. The fundie trifecta!
Posts: 63
|
Post by brainy on May 31, 2011 23:17:00 GMT -5
I'm quite certain that I would have a significant number of negative emotions in that situation. I don't mean as if to sound that I think its as easy as just flipping a switch and choosing to be positive. I apologize if it came off that way. I'm just eternally optimistic, its a curse. Sorry myself, I don't mean to come off as prickly. I've just had it suggested to me recently that I need to fake it until I either make it or break. Kinda of a "either way, we're happier with the way you're acting if you do that" thing. I really dislike the "fake it til you make it" sentiment. Regardless of what we feel, we should have the freedom to feel it in a environment in which we feel safe. Its more important to be genuine than to "fake it" for the sake of someone else. Faking it never did anyone any good. |
|
|
|
Post by Chi Shiro on May 31, 2011 23:41:47 GMT -5
Sorry myself, I don't mean to come off as prickly. I've just had it suggested to me recently that I need to fake it until I either make it or break. Kinda of a "either way, we're happier with the way you're acting if you do that" thing. I really dislike the "fake it til you make it" sentiment. Regardless of what we feel, we should have the freedom to feel it in a environment in which we feel safe. Its more important to be genuine than to "fake it" for the sake of someone else. Faking it never did anyone any good. Yeah, but sometimes being genuine gets you punished. If I didn't think this might help someone else I would have taken it to PMs a long time ago. Right now I feel like I've been very bad and that I deserve to be punished. I feel like I need to be good. To be sweet and docile and complacent. That maybe if I can be good people will forgive me and I can have my family back. It's a pipe dream, but right now it's all I have to hold on to. And that's not good. Because it's making people question if I'm getting help for me or if it's because I want other people to be happy. |
|
|
|
Post by wmdkitty on May 31, 2011 23:48:37 GMT -5
I, for one, like you just the way you are. You don't need to be sweet and docile and complacent, you just need to be YOU.
*hugs Chi*
|
|
|
|
Post by DeadpanDoubter on May 31, 2011 23:54:06 GMT -5
@colosphere: Hey, one big post is better than lots of little posts. *guilty look* And...why does your dad keep telling you that, in the 'real world', you're going to be treated badly because of your skin color? I mean...I know there are a lot of shitheads out there, but he's kinda sounding like one himself, it's hardly any help to tell you you're dark-skinned. ...that reminds me of a Wanda Sikes exchange she did with Jay Leno: "Was it easier to come out as gay than to be known as black?" "*gives him a weird look* Uh...yeah, sure! Yeah, told my parents "I'm gay and I'm black!", and they were like "Oh good for you honey, but you're not black, you're just...Cherokee! Your grandmother was Cherokee, you're not black." Poorly paraphrased, of course. My dad came from Oakland; moved up to OR for a safer place to raise a family. He had to deal with it all his life, so he expects it for me, too. One time when he was at Juvie, some white kid decided to talk trash. Moments later, the boy was on the floor with a bloody nose. As he lay in the dirt, bloodied and laughed at, he managed to exclaim "At least I'm white," as he slithered away. While he was dating my (white) mother, he would ride the bus with her. Some skinhead across the aisle gave them the evil eye all the way through. He ignored it. After my mother stepped off, the skinhead jumped to his feet; my dad did the same. The skinhead, seeing his challenge, decided to squeal "Bus driver! He looked at me!" The whole bus was roaring with laughter, and people were cracking jokes. They both took their seats. Although funnier, it's still showing how these jackasses are. He's not being an arse purpose, he just thinks that once I leave home, I'll have to put up with that crap. He worries because he knows I'm too soft. P.S. you spelled my name wrong >:C ...I swear it ended in -re before. >.>; The description of the white punk getting hit made me think of Draco Malfoy for some reason...probably the "slither" and laughing about how he's sooo good because his bloodline's inbred white. Anyway...I can see how your dad would worry now. I'm just not used to overt racism-- here, people are a lot more likely to grimace/smile to your face and whisper about what a freak you are behind your back --so I keep assuming no one's stupid enough to be overt about it. Then again, one of my half-black roommate's step-fathers refused to take her and her black brother out to eat with the family, while it was fine if her white sister went... IDK, I just don't get racism, and I have the 'luxury' of not having to deal with it, so I tend to forget that it even exists.  Sorry... @lhm: Yeah, but...I mean, my uncle doesn't have insurance, has never made an attempt at killing himself, and, frankly, was just spouting off to get attention, and they still kept him for the whole week. I don't know, it just made me worry about Chi. |
|
|
|
Post by Chi Shiro on Jun 1, 2011 0:49:39 GMT -5
I don't know, it just made me worry about Chi. *facepalms and then laughs softly* Oh no, no no. Please don't worry about me. The last thing I want is someone's worry or pity. I survived, I got help, I'm fine. Yes, I have some kinks to iron out, but all will be good in time. |
|
|
|
Post by anti-nonsense on Jun 1, 2011 4:32:48 GMT -5
Hon, you try to kill yourself, of course people are going to worry. be impossible not to for anybody who gives the tiniest portion of a shit about you and your wellbeing.
|
|
|
|
Post by The_L on Jun 1, 2011 5:03:05 GMT -5
Frankly, I'm worried because Chi's mental state sounds almost exactly like me at 15 (with the exception that, while my dad was never around due to all those business trips, I now realize that he truly DID care). And the only reason I didn't attempt suicide often during that time was because i had a ridiculously low pain tolerance. That, and I shared a Jack-and-Jill bathroom with my brother, so I already knew I'd be stopped, and....back then, I was so far gone I didn't want to be stopped. Zoloft snapped me out of it, but not without taking a toll on my self-esteem. (Ha ha, my brain would say, you're so fucked up that a PILL the size of a grain of rice is the only thing keeping you remotely sane!)
It seems like my case was hormonal, though. It's never been anywhere NEAR that bad since I started on the Pill (for entirely unrelated hormonal issues).
|
|
|
|
Post by largeham on Jun 1, 2011 5:04:39 GMT -5
largeham: I feel you, man...for the longest time I thought I was just weak, that I couldn't actually be depressed because, hey, what the fuck do I have to be depressed about? Even after I started therapy, I convinced myself that I was just looking for attention and giving the therapist the 'right' answers to get a depression diagnosis... Oh dear, the whole 'what do I have to be depressed about' is something that has bugging me for ages, considering only two family members have died (one of them I hadn't even met, the other I barely knew) and I can't find any other reasons. TL;DR: I really don't like anything about myself, but I have distractions so I don't notice anything beyond my 1600x900 screen. QFT. Two questions in general: 1. What should one look for in a therapist? 2. One symptom I read about depression is the inability to remember specific points of happiness, something I've found that applies to me. What do people here think of writing down what the time, date and occasion is when one feels happy. |
|
Sorry...
