Mental Health Support Thread

[Radiation]

I have been feeling like I have no energy. I should be packing my stuff up but I just been feeling like all I want to do is sleep.

[DeadpanDoubter]

I think I tend to raeg, too, but not outwardly. It's like my brain overloads and goes into lockdown, let's be apathetic! mode. It focuses inward, trips the alarm, and has a merry party in my head while my outside goes into robot mode.

Let's put it this way: my Soul Room looks like a tornado hit it, my outside form just looks sad..

_{...I really hope that's not in bad taste. Someone tell me if it is.}

@ra: (It's really weird for me to type that acronym) I've barely gotten out of bed this weekend...is it like that? Just...blegh, I can't do anything, don't even wanna try, just need sleeeep...

And then the sleep just makes you more tired.

[Radiation]

Jun 6, 2011 19:41:25 GMT -5 DeadpanDoubter said:

I think I tend to raeg, too, but not outwardly. It's like my brain overloads and goes into lockdown, let's be apathetic! mode. It focuses inward, trips the alarm, and has a merry party in my head while my outside goes into robot mode.

Let's put it this way: my Soul Room looks like a tornado hit it, my outside form just looks sad..

_{...I really hope that's not in bad taste. Someone tell me if it is.}

@ra: (It's really weird for me to type that acronym) I've barely gotten out of bed this weekend...is it like that? Just...blegh, I can't do anything, don't even wanna try, just need sleeeep...

And then the sleep just makes you more tired.

Yeah, just tired all the time and it doesn't help that my sleep schedule is like that of a bat, up all night and sleep all day. I know it's not good for you but I have been that way since I was young. I just basically sit around and be on the computer and watch tv, oh and I eat... I'm trying to cut back on eating though.

[Rat Of Steel]

Jun 6, 2011 19:41:25 GMT -5 DeadpanDoubter said:

I think I tend to raeg, too, but not outwardly. It's like my brain overloads and goes into lockdown, let's be apathetic! mode. It focuses inward, trips the alarm, and has a merry party in my head while my outside goes into robot mode.

Let's put it this way: my Soul Room looks like a tornado hit it, my outside form just looks sad..

_{...I really hope that's not in bad taste. Someone tell me if it is.}

@ra: (It's really weird for me to type that acronym) I've barely gotten out of bed this weekend...is it like that? Just...blegh, I can't do anything, don't even wanna try, just need sleeeep...

And then the sleep just makes you more tired.

Well, since you're insisting on being in your bed anyway, would you like some company? ;D *begins removing his shirt*

[The_L]

Jun 7, 2011 2:07:28 GMT -5 Rat Of Steel said:

Jun 6, 2011 19:41:25 GMT -5 DeadpanDoubter said:

I think I tend to raeg, too, but not outwardly. It's like my brain overloads and goes into lockdown, let's be apathetic! mode. It focuses inward, trips the alarm, and has a merry party in my head while my outside goes into robot mode.

Let's put it this way: my Soul Room looks like a tornado hit it, my outside form just looks sad..

_{...I really hope that's not in bad taste. Someone tell me if it is.}

@ra: (It's really weird for me to type that acronym) I've barely gotten out of bed this weekend...is it like that? Just...blegh, I can't do anything, don't even wanna try, just need sleeeep...

And then the sleep just makes you more tired.

Well, since you're insisting on being in your bed anyway, would you like some company? ;D *begins removing his shirt*

*pushes Rat out of the way* Ladies first, dear.


Also, with the current Chi situation, my longtime urge to FIX EVERYONE'S PROBLEMS EVER is driving me nuts. I try not to think about it, but that never works!

[DeadpanDoubter]

Jun 6, 2011 19:46:26 GMT -5 Radiation said:

Jun 6, 2011 19:41:25 GMT -5 DeadpanDoubter said:

I think I tend to raeg, too, but not outwardly. It's like my brain overloads and goes into lockdown, let's be apathetic! mode. It focuses inward, trips the alarm, and has a merry party in my head while my outside goes into robot mode.

Let's put it this way: my Soul Room looks like a tornado hit it, my outside form just looks sad..

_{...I really hope that's not in bad taste. Someone tell me if it is.}

@ra: (It's really weird for me to type that acronym) I've barely gotten out of bed this weekend...is it like that? Just...blegh, I can't do anything, don't even wanna try, just need sleeeep...

And then the sleep just makes you more tired.

Yeah, just tired all the time and it doesn't help that my sleep schedule is like that of a bat, up all night and sleep all day. I know it's not good for you but I have been that way since I was young. I just basically sit around and be on the computer and watch tv, oh and I eat... I'm trying to cut back on eating though.

=D Hey, me too! I think I'm at my best when I'm free to sleep all day and stay up all night; unfortunately, I couldn't get online classes for the summer, so I've had to stop that. ): But I swear I'm more clear-headed during the night hours, once I get into the crazy vampire sleep cycle.

And yes, eesh, eating while computering/watching TV. Never good. *guilty look; whisper* Don't tell anyone, but I've ballooned up on fast food...no energy to fix my own food = eating out = spending waaay more money and getting myself in trouble later on. I used to be such a penny pincher when I was young, I don't know what happened to me.

One thing that getting on a 'normal' sleep schedule has shown me, though, is that I have random spurts of energy and feelings of well-being every month or so that keep me up all night, unable and not needing to sleep. I can clean, make AMVs, writes stories, all kindsa shit all fucking night for several nights in a row without getting tired, and then I finally have to sleep for more than a couple of hours a day and my mood goes down, I sleep more, I have no energy...until the next spurt of insanity. It's like...mild, mild, mild bipolar disorder. I don't know what my therapist is going to suggest for it, or if it's even a problem; for all I know, those weird, 'normal' people go through that too.

@rat: Oh you. I should've known better than to mention a bed.

@the_L: *offers hugs* She's worrying me, too, and I don't have a clue what the hell set her off...she's in a really bad place, though, and I wish there was something to do to get her out of it...

[Aqualung]

I sometimes forget to take my med. I'm only on 15 mg so it's not that bad, but when I do forget one day all the bad thoughts start to creep back into my head.
I have an appointment with a counselor this afternoon; I didn't cancel it but decided I still need someone else to talk to.

[Shane for Wax]

I'm listening to music more and it's making me feel a little bit better... I wish I could play my trumpet again and not sound like a dying duck.

[Ranger Joe]

Combat related PTSD. This comes in the form of suvivor's guilt, anxiety, hyper vigilance, etc.

Survivor's guilt is caused when people did not survive an incident and you did, which causes you to feel like it was your fault/you should have died with them.

For me, it's both. I lost my entire squad over the course of my military career. Two died while under my command, the other four died after I was injured and discharged. The remaining two came home, but put their sidearms in their mouths because they didn't seek out the help they needed.

Now, I'm the only one left alive out of all of the people I fought along side in a squad relationship. It makes the entire process extremely difficult, especially when there are flare ups where I feel like all of their deaths are my fault/on my shoulders. I made no errors in my command decisions...It was just war, and obviously, people die.

For the longest time, my only desire was to re-enlist and go back into the warzones until I either became too old to fight or I was killed in action. A solid part of me desired the latter. Don't get me wrong, I didn't just want to walk out into the open and get gunned down...I wanted to fight as hard as I could a die a warrior's death. A good clean death. As the old saying goes, "Death and Honor. If one results in the other, it is a Warrior's Death."

Years of therapy have since swayed my thinking for the most part, but I would be a bold faced liar if I still didn't get the urge to go work for a contracting company and resume my running and gunning until my Wyrd was upon me.

[DeadpanDoubter]

Okay, um, I have DBT at the university Counseling and Testing Center every Thursday morning now. It's a smaller group than my IOP was, and we're all female, college-aged people, so it makes me a lot more nervous, but anyway.

Our group leader (my personal counselor) accidentally let slip that a girl in the group (we'll call her Arin) has problems with self-injury. She'd thought Arin had discussed it with the group before, but while we'd suspected she'd never said it, and of course she was angry and hurt about it.

For some reason, the whole conflict made me withdraw; I was literally curling into a fetal position on the couch and couldn't look anyone in the eye. The group leader said it must've been a 'trigger' of some kind for me, which I don't really get. I mean, my mom's done that kinda shit on purpose to me (that is, telling everyone everything I've ever done, ESPECIALLY the bad things) but they're hardly traumatic memories, so I don't get how I was 'triggered'.

It was embarrassing as hell, though.

[Shane for Wax]

I keep looking at the four cuts on my arm and wanting to add a fifth. Just cause five is a nice number. I like five.

[DeadpanDoubter]

I didn't see Ranger Joe's post until now; I ran off to see my advisor...*hugs tight*

I can't pretend to even know what you're going through, what you've already gone through, I just feel like I need to hug you and let you know you're not alone.

Frankly, I don't mean to belittle anyone or anyone's experiences, but...I'm in awe, of you and everyone else on this board who's survived so much more than I'll die knowing. You're a tough bunch, a real group of fighters and survivors, and you're also kind and nice and try not to make me feel *too* stupid. You're good, strong people. I wanna grow up to be y'all.

@shane: *offers hugs* Please don't...please take care of yourself...

[Shane for Wax]

Eh. So far I've got the knife next to me but not unsheathed. Doing good so far.

[Radiation]

Jun 9, 2011 16:40:02 GMT -5 Shane for Wax said:

Eh. So far I've got the knife next to me but not unsheathed. Doing good so far.

Keep it up, I know it's hard and the temptation is strong but if you can try and distract yourself. I've been having temptations and the only thing that is stopping me is that I have no money for gauze and alcohol. Yeah I know it's strange but that's the truth.

[lighthorseman]

Jun 9, 2011 12:35:16 GMT -5 Ranger Joe said:

Combat related PTSD. This comes in the form of suvivor's guilt, anxiety, hyper vigilance, etc.

+1

Also flashbacks, nightmares, and worst of all, worries that I'm in the middle of a flashback when I'm in fact just in a normal situation. One weird night in Sydney there were a bunch of people in shemaghs on the street and blackhawks flying training flights around the harbour and I thought I was on the verge of a psychotic break. But no, there were just a bunch of actual people in actual shemaghs, with actual helicopters flying around at low level with their lights off.

For the longest time, my only desire was to re-enlist and go back into the warzones until I either became too old to fight or I was killed in action. A solid part of me desired the latter. Don't get me wrong, I didn't just want to walk out into the open and get gunned down...I wanted to fight as hard as I could a die a warrior's death. A good clean death. As the old saying goes, "Death and Honor. If one results in the other, it is a Warrior's Death."

He that lives by the sword... would not wish to die any other way.

+1

Years of therapy have since swayed my thinking for the most part, but I would be a bold faced liar if I still didn't get the urge to go work for a contracting company and resume my running and gunning until my Wyrd was upon me.

I vacilate between hating the miltary and everything to do with it, and longing to be there with them again. Its worst when I hear casualty reports on the news. Especially since Australian numbers are still low enough that they are individual, not mere statistics. Every time, part of me thinks "that should have been me", or "If I'd been there, it might have turned out differently". Also, I'm medicated, but I don't do therapy, despite several specialists insisting I need it. I believe OTHER people need it, deserve it, that it helps them, and there's no shame in it... but for myself, I feel like its a cop out and I'd be wussing out and admitting weakness to accept I need it.

Work that one out!