Post by maanantai on Jul 28, 2009 21:41:33 GMT -5
I went lurking there and looking for some material for the mainpage and found this thread. Posters son is getting married and she thinks that her future daughter in law should know few things about traditional christian marriage, or something like that 
As it is way too long to submit there, on a mainpage, but at the same time stands as a good example (in my mind) why there should also be MSTDT, let me present:
shortened version: Submit, stay home, spread legs, get pregnant and make him a sammitch, god damn it! And later remember to tell him how good husband he is as he pays the rent and can open that stuck jar for you!
What disturbs me here most is that she is almost like demanding her future daughter in law to be her sons sex-slave and multi-purpose kitchen appliance that never disagrees with him! I'm stanting to wonder A) How was this son raised? and B) What is his relationship with his mother? Ewwww.
I'm so glad that no one saw it as their business to start to tell me how I should live MY life with MY husband in OUR relation ship/marriage.
As it is way too long to submit there, on a mainpage, but at the same time stands as a good example (in my mind) why there should also be MSTDT, let me present:
Are older women teaching younger women to keep house and love their husbands?
The thread title "Ladies, are we doing our part" got me to thinking. My son is getting married soon, and although my future DIL is saved, she has a lot to learn because she did not have a traditional upbringing(no daddy). I have been looking for the verse in the Bible about older women teaching the younger women to keep house and love their husbands, but cannot find it. Guess I am tired. Anyhow, I have been thinking about all the things I have learned and want to pass on to her. Like:
If you don't trust him, don't marry him. If you do marry him, learn to trust him. Don't keep making him prove himself, or fling accusations at him if he doesn't live up to your expectations. Men just want to be loved and accepted.
Make sure you don't have unreasonable expectations, and don't expect him to be perfect or live up to your expectations. Do you know what your expectations are? Does he? And vise versa.
Marriage means commitment. If you don't commit to him before marriage, don't marry him. If you can't joyfully and fully look forward to being married to him, don't marry him. If you have any reservations at all, don't do it.
It is not enough to love your husband, you must like and respect him too.
Watch how you talk to him. Don't give orders, tell him how it is going to be, or demand things from him all the time. Watch how you say things, your tone, and what you say. Be reasonable in what you do ask. Don't expect him to take you to your mother's house which is one hour away when he has to go to work that day, and then after an eight hour shift of driving, come pick you up in the dark and bring you home, even if it is your car. Stay the night, or better yet, don't go that day.
It is hard being a man. He has to work, face the world, and be accountable to God and man. He is responsible for you and the children. So be a help and not a hindrance.
Do good to him, and not evil. Let his heart be safe in your keeping. Consider his needs, and put him first. That does not mean you have to be a doormat or accept unacceptable behavior.
The wise woman builds her house with love. There is no defense against love.
If possible, stay home, keep house, and raise your children. That is a full-time job, demanding almost all of your energy.
Always make him feel welcome in his home. Don't harrass him so much you chase him out of it. He's paying the rent.
Be gentle and tender to your husband and children. Show them you like them, as well as love them.
You can be a cleaning fanatic with a spic and span house, and everyone will be miserable in it. People first.
Don't attack him or belittle him or treat him like a child. Attack the problem. Sit down together and reason things out. Brainstorm and come up with solutions. If the first solution doesn't work, try something else. Be flexible. Not much is written in stone.
Sometimes there is no resolution and you just have to live with it.
Don't demand everything is done your way always, or else.
Grow up! You are married now. You are responsible for checking and changing your deplorable behavior. Don't "try". Do.
A good attitude goes a long way.
Let him be the boss. God is going to go to him first for an accounting. God is a god of order. Man first, then woman, then children. Being submissive does not mean you are less. It's just God's sense of order. And it is often for your protection. That doesn't mean you are voiceless, powerless, or a slave.
The husband and wife are responsible for setting the "tone" in the house. Let it be one of lightness and happiness, not oppression. The wife is especially responsible, since she has a lot of power and is usually at home more. That includes power over your husband, to influence him. Don't misuse it.
Ninety-five percent of what goes on in your marriage will happen outside the bedroom. If you aren't happy and things aren't going good outside the bedroom they won't be good inside the bedroom.
Make sure your husband gets enough sleep, rest, good food, exercise, and "downtime". Give him time alone.
Don't refuse your husband when he wants sex, and don't use sex as a weapon or to get what you want.
You are both responsible for keeping the marriage alive. Let him know you find him attractive.
Some of this advice may sound like something out of the 30's and 40's. A
lot of those young marrieds are still married now, 60 years later.
Cleave to your husband. That means he comes before family and friends. That means you take his side in public, even when he is wrong. Don't side with them against him. Disagree tactfully in private. He may change his mind.
Compliment him, thank him, praise him. When he is right, tell him he is right. Tell him he is strong(Oh, you're so strong!) when he opens that jar of olives for you, tell him how tall he is when he reaches those seldom used dishes on the high shelf. Tell him how hard-working he is and what a good provider he is. This is what he does, even as you are a good mother or housemaker or seamstress, etc. So what if he can't hammer a nail into a board perfectly. At least he's trying. Thank him for taking the initiative to call Home Depot for someone to come out and hang those ceiling fans! Tell him how attractive he is.
Don't go behind his back when he says he will do something and doesn't do it fast enough for you. Let him be the man. Don't undermine him.
Do be a good companion to him. Keep up with the world, and be able to talk intelligently with him. Men get lonely too. Be his best friend.
Keep yourself neat, clean, and dress circumspectly. You have the right to expect the same from him.
Love and marriage go through different phases.
Be a good steward with the money. This is one way to be a big help to him. You should both sit down, make a budget, and stick to it. You must both know your financial matters, so that if one gets sick, the other can manage them. Probably 50% of what we want or own already, we don't need.
Well ladies, that is all for now. What bits of wisdom have you learned over the years to pass on to younger (married)women?
The thread title "Ladies, are we doing our part" got me to thinking. My son is getting married soon, and although my future DIL is saved, she has a lot to learn because she did not have a traditional upbringing(no daddy). I have been looking for the verse in the Bible about older women teaching the younger women to keep house and love their husbands, but cannot find it. Guess I am tired. Anyhow, I have been thinking about all the things I have learned and want to pass on to her. Like:
If you don't trust him, don't marry him. If you do marry him, learn to trust him. Don't keep making him prove himself, or fling accusations at him if he doesn't live up to your expectations. Men just want to be loved and accepted.
Make sure you don't have unreasonable expectations, and don't expect him to be perfect or live up to your expectations. Do you know what your expectations are? Does he? And vise versa.
Marriage means commitment. If you don't commit to him before marriage, don't marry him. If you can't joyfully and fully look forward to being married to him, don't marry him. If you have any reservations at all, don't do it.
It is not enough to love your husband, you must like and respect him too.
Watch how you talk to him. Don't give orders, tell him how it is going to be, or demand things from him all the time. Watch how you say things, your tone, and what you say. Be reasonable in what you do ask. Don't expect him to take you to your mother's house which is one hour away when he has to go to work that day, and then after an eight hour shift of driving, come pick you up in the dark and bring you home, even if it is your car. Stay the night, or better yet, don't go that day.
It is hard being a man. He has to work, face the world, and be accountable to God and man. He is responsible for you and the children. So be a help and not a hindrance.
Do good to him, and not evil. Let his heart be safe in your keeping. Consider his needs, and put him first. That does not mean you have to be a doormat or accept unacceptable behavior.
The wise woman builds her house with love. There is no defense against love.
If possible, stay home, keep house, and raise your children. That is a full-time job, demanding almost all of your energy.
Always make him feel welcome in his home. Don't harrass him so much you chase him out of it. He's paying the rent.
Be gentle and tender to your husband and children. Show them you like them, as well as love them.
You can be a cleaning fanatic with a spic and span house, and everyone will be miserable in it. People first.
Don't attack him or belittle him or treat him like a child. Attack the problem. Sit down together and reason things out. Brainstorm and come up with solutions. If the first solution doesn't work, try something else. Be flexible. Not much is written in stone.
Sometimes there is no resolution and you just have to live with it.
Don't demand everything is done your way always, or else.
Grow up! You are married now. You are responsible for checking and changing your deplorable behavior. Don't "try". Do.
A good attitude goes a long way.
Let him be the boss. God is going to go to him first for an accounting. God is a god of order. Man first, then woman, then children. Being submissive does not mean you are less. It's just God's sense of order. And it is often for your protection. That doesn't mean you are voiceless, powerless, or a slave.
The husband and wife are responsible for setting the "tone" in the house. Let it be one of lightness and happiness, not oppression. The wife is especially responsible, since she has a lot of power and is usually at home more. That includes power over your husband, to influence him. Don't misuse it.
Ninety-five percent of what goes on in your marriage will happen outside the bedroom. If you aren't happy and things aren't going good outside the bedroom they won't be good inside the bedroom.
Make sure your husband gets enough sleep, rest, good food, exercise, and "downtime". Give him time alone.
Don't refuse your husband when he wants sex, and don't use sex as a weapon or to get what you want.
You are both responsible for keeping the marriage alive. Let him know you find him attractive.
Some of this advice may sound like something out of the 30's and 40's. A
lot of those young marrieds are still married now, 60 years later.
Cleave to your husband. That means he comes before family and friends. That means you take his side in public, even when he is wrong. Don't side with them against him. Disagree tactfully in private. He may change his mind.
Compliment him, thank him, praise him. When he is right, tell him he is right. Tell him he is strong(Oh, you're so strong!) when he opens that jar of olives for you, tell him how tall he is when he reaches those seldom used dishes on the high shelf. Tell him how hard-working he is and what a good provider he is. This is what he does, even as you are a good mother or housemaker or seamstress, etc. So what if he can't hammer a nail into a board perfectly. At least he's trying. Thank him for taking the initiative to call Home Depot for someone to come out and hang those ceiling fans! Tell him how attractive he is.
Don't go behind his back when he says he will do something and doesn't do it fast enough for you. Let him be the man. Don't undermine him.
Do be a good companion to him. Keep up with the world, and be able to talk intelligently with him. Men get lonely too. Be his best friend.
Keep yourself neat, clean, and dress circumspectly. You have the right to expect the same from him.
Love and marriage go through different phases.
Be a good steward with the money. This is one way to be a big help to him. You should both sit down, make a budget, and stick to it. You must both know your financial matters, so that if one gets sick, the other can manage them. Probably 50% of what we want or own already, we don't need.
Well ladies, that is all for now. What bits of wisdom have you learned over the years to pass on to younger (married)women?
shortened version: Submit, stay home, spread legs, get pregnant and make him a sammitch, god damn it! And later remember to tell him how good husband he is as he pays the rent and can open that stuck jar for you!
What disturbs me here most is that she is almost like demanding her future daughter in law to be her sons sex-slave and multi-purpose kitchen appliance that never disagrees with him! I'm stanting to wonder A) How was this son raised? and B) What is his relationship with his mother? Ewwww.
I'm so glad that no one saw it as their business to start to tell me how I should live MY life with MY husband in OUR relation ship/marriage.
