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Post by Iosa the Invincible on Dec 31, 2011 6:37:04 GMT -5
Funny how some parents like to take credit for a child's successes ("it was because they were brought up right"), but when it comes to a child's problems, they suddenly have no part in it.
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Post by scotsgit on Dec 31, 2011 11:54:31 GMT -5
That's my dad as well. I actually confronted him and my mom (separately) years ago about their behaviour towards me growing up. Essentially I said, 'Look I know I'm fucked up and I accept my own responsibility in my total lack of coping ability, but you guys weren't the best parents and I want you to accept your part in this and apologize to me for treating me the way you did so I can start putting some of this behind me.' Their responses were the same: "You can't blame me for that, I've done nothing wrong." Yeah, I've given up on ever hearing an apology for the crap he put my family through. Sucks, but I try not to dwell on it. I did try but got thrown back at me pretty much everything I've ever done wrong: Even petty little things that you'd expect people to forget about. I now just accept it and move on.
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Post by nightangel1282 on Dec 31, 2011 16:09:54 GMT -5
I actually remember watching a scene on (of all shows) Judge Joe Brown, where he explained a theory on why black families are often thought to have more cases of domestic violence than whites. It is believed that when blacks were kept as slaves, the methods of discipline used by their 'masters' (whipping and beating) wound up being carried on into their families and started the cycle of abuse.
I wonder if I could find that video on youtube? I'd have to dig around...
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Post by rageaholic on Dec 31, 2011 19:43:45 GMT -5
Holy shit this guy is a complete monster! Here's one of his sermons uploaded to youtube.
He tried to have it taken down with a DMCA, but we all know what happens when viral videos are taken down.
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Post by DeadpanDoubter on Dec 31, 2011 20:03:13 GMT -5
Yeah, I've given up on ever hearing an apology for the crap he put my family through. Sucks, but I try not to dwell on it. I did try but got thrown back at me pretty much everything I've ever done wrong: Even petty little things that you'd expect people to forget about. I now just accept it and move on. ...wow. Okay, that just reminded me of something that's brought up every once in a while with my mom. When I was 10, I could NOT stand my mom's singing voice and got royally embarrassed every time she went up to sing with the church choir. At the same time, even back then, I was very concerned about how my opinion would impact her feelings; finally, though, she noticed a reaction of some sort and asked me WTF was going on. So I was honest with her...and she blew up at me and refused to EVER sing with the choir or do a solo EVER AGAIN. Even though I later found out that most kids are embarrassed by their parents' singing. And she still brings it up whenever she starts humming with a song, 'catches' herself, and says "Oh yeah you don't WANT me doing that, right?"
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Dec 31, 2011 20:43:46 GMT -5
I actually remember watching a scene on (of all shows) Judge Joe Brown, where he explained a theory on why black families are often thought to have more cases of domestic violence than whites. It is believed that when blacks were kept as slaves, the methods of discipline used by their 'masters' (whipping and beating) wound up being carried on into their families and started the cycle of abuse. I wonder if I could find that video on youtube? I'd have to dig around... I would expect that poverty and the various social issues that come with it (crime, substance abuse, lack of access to education etc.) is a major causative factor, but slavery beginning a cycle of abuse is an interesting hypothesis -- one which isn't entirely unfeasible.
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Post by Iosa the Invincible on Dec 31, 2011 21:21:22 GMT -5
I did try but got thrown back at me pretty much everything I've ever done wrong: Even petty little things that you'd expect people to forget about. I now just accept it and move on. ...wow. Okay, that just reminded me of something that's brought up every once in a while with my mom. When I was 10, I could NOT stand my mom's singing voice and got royally embarrassed every time she went up to sing with the church choir. At the same time, even back then, I was very concerned about how my opinion would impact her feelings; finally, though, she noticed a reaction of some sort and asked me WTF was going on. So I was honest with her...and she blew up at me and refused to EVER sing with the choir or do a solo EVER AGAIN. Even though I later found out that most kids are embarrassed by their parents' singing. And she still brings it up whenever she starts humming with a song, 'catches' herself, and says "Oh yeah you don't WANT me doing that, right?" Why is it that some parents think that the proper way to deal with a child is to act like an even bigger child? You're a fucking adult, and a parent no less. Adults don't hold petty guilt tripping grudges over something a ten year old told them. Quite acting like you're in middle school.
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Post by priestling on Jan 1, 2012 2:31:56 GMT -5
I got the wooden spoon treatment myself. After the woman that raised me (A., I'm adopted, and B., she turned into a crazy fundie psycho-bitch that literally burned a lot of my fantasy stuff on the back patio because she insisted I didn't know the difference between fantasy and reality. I'll wait for you to pick your jaws up off the floor) broke a wooden spoon across my ass when I was eight, she went for a ladle. I used my martial-arts classes at the time to kick it out of her hands, grabbed it, and started swinging it at her. "Want to see how it feels?! HUH?!" I remember yelling at her... Dad stopped me, and started yelling at her, while I hung onto the ladle and retreated to my bedroom, locking my door.
A couple hours later, Dad gives his usual knocks, I open up, and he apologizes for not doing something sooner, gives me a hug, and apologizes again. Then he asks me "What would you have done if you'd actually gotten within any real range?" "Probably smacked her with it until it shattered" "Thatta boy. That's how you defend yourself. Give as good as you get and no further. Honorable. Can I have the ladle back?"
"Would you blame me if I said I wanted to hold onto it?"
"No, not really, but I'd like it back, please"
I gave it back, he said thank you, told me he loved me, and shut my door. She never dared take another swing at me again, and Dad has had my back ever since.
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Post by Dragon Zachski on Jan 1, 2012 2:33:40 GMT -5
I got the wooden spoon treatment myself. After the woman that raised me (A., I'm adopted, and B., she turned into a crazy fundie psycho-bitch that literally burned a lot of my fantasy stuff on the back patio because she insisted I didn't know the difference between fantasy and reality. I'll wait for you to pick your jaws up off the floor) broke a wooden spoon across my ass when I was eight, she went for a ladle. I used my martial-arts classes at the time to kick it out of her hands, grabbed it, and started swinging it at her. "Want to see how it feels?! HUH?!" I remember yelling at her... Dad stopped me, and started yelling at her, while I hung onto the ladle and retreated to my bedroom, locking my door. A couple hours later, Dad gives his usual knocks, I open up, and he apologizes for not doing something sooner, gives me a hug, and apologizes again. Then he asks me "What would you have done if you'd actually gotten within any real range?" "Probably smacked her with it until it shattered" "Thatta boy. That's how you defend yourself. Give as good as you get and no further. Honorable. Can I have the ladle back?" "Would you blame me if I said I wanted to hold onto it?" "No, not really, but I'd like it back, please" I gave it back, he said thank you, told me he loved me, and shut my door. She never dared take another swing at me again, and Dad has had my back ever since. {{{{priestling}}}}
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Post by priestling on Jan 1, 2012 2:46:58 GMT -5
Love you too, Zach :3
I may not look like much (seriously, I'm just barely 5'6", 265-ish, I'm short and fat and until I had laser eye surgery, I did indeed wear glasses. Dad was a teacher, too, so guess who got the beatdown from every other kid?), but I am STUPID flexible and accurate. I can rather easily do a full splits. Put a blade in my hands, and I'm very, very nasty to the point everyone else in my old fencing class save the instructor refused to deal with me. Throw in natural good aim, and it's a wonder I haven't been thrown off more TF2 and Battlefield servers because people keep thinking I'm cheating.
I'm not a nice person, thanks to the bitch, but I've tried to make myself better to prove that I can STILL be a good person. Not because of the way she treated me, but in spite of her.
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Post by Rime on Jan 1, 2012 6:20:05 GMT -5
I would expect that poverty and the various social issues that come with it (crime, substance abuse, lack of access to education etc.) is a major causative factor, but slavery beginning a cycle of abuse is an interesting hypothesis -- one which isn't entirely unfeasible. Residential Schools in Canada. Quite a number of abusive aboriginal parents have been themselves or had a parent raised in this system. Run by GODLY people.
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Post by Mlle Antéchrist on Jan 1, 2012 7:15:04 GMT -5
Residential Schools in Canada. Quite a number of abusive aboriginal parents have been themselves or had a parent raised in this system. Run by GODLY people. Yeah, Canada has a ton of blood on its hands from historic (and, in some cases, modern) treatment of natives. As I recall, the last residential school didn't close until the mid 90s, and compensation for the victims wasn't available until a few years ago. I think it goes without saying that higher rates of abuse amongst certain racial or ethnic groups can often be traced back to systematic prejudice.
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Post by The_L on Jan 1, 2012 21:28:18 GMT -5
Except for the belt part, this fits my mom to a tee. In the absence of proper discipline (which is always), she just resorts to screaming her head off about how lazy and stupid we are. Sounds a bit like my dad. Scream your head off, make abusive comments, make violent gestures, then waltz off and never apologize for your behavior. Sounds exactly like my dad.
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Post by brendanrizzo on Jan 2, 2012 12:21:55 GMT -5
This discussion has made me wonder why it is that the people who would be best suited to being parents almost never become them, and that the people who are least suited to be parents wind up having children. This is probably the root cause of many of our social ills.
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Post by N. De Plume on Jan 2, 2012 12:36:44 GMT -5
Probably because the people who are best suited to being parents know just how heavy a responsibility it is, and they are either too scared or just never feel like their ducks are all in a row for it.
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