|
Post by Aqualung on Mar 31, 2009 17:50:44 GMT -5
Join a club or group of some kind. What are you into? If you're around a bunch of people with something in common you're more likely to make friends. I can relate a little; I'm not really anti-social but I tend to let other people talk to me first. :/
|
|
|
Post by Art Vandelay on Mar 31, 2009 18:59:03 GMT -5
Normally I'd be happy to offer my advice, however I have the same problem as you (although mine's considerably worse from what you've already said).
If you come up with a solution let me know will you?
|
|
|
Post by Old Viking on Mar 31, 2009 19:14:03 GMT -5
There's no compelling reason why you should try to alter your personality. Shy has its own allure. Conversations will occur. In fact, if you can get another person to talk about himself (or herself) you'll be perceived as a wonderful listener. Interject occasionally with an, "Oh, my gosh, then what did you do?" (I can tell you from bitter experience that a conversational ploy to avoid at all costs is, "You sure don't sweat much for a fat person.")
|
|
|
Post by Sleepy on Mar 31, 2009 19:46:03 GMT -5
There's no compelling reason why you should try to alter your personality. Shy has its own allure. Conversations will occur. In fact, if you can get another person to talk about himself (or herself) you'll be perceived as a wonderful listener. Interject occasionally with an, "Oh, my gosh, then what did you do?" (I can tell you from bitter experience that a conversational ploy to avoid at all costs is, "You sure don't sweat much for a fat person.") You make a very good point. Several minutes ago I had a long discussion about this and was told I shouldn't try to change who I am, that I'm already a good person. Because I really am. I guess I've overlooked that here. Now I need to get that across to my boyfriend, which I'm not sure how to do...
|
|
|
Post by antichrist on Mar 31, 2009 19:49:18 GMT -5
If it's public speaking you need help with, there's groups like Toastmasters that can help. They're tax deductable as education as well.
It took me a long time to realize that there was nothing "wrong" with me, other than I was trying to fit in with people that were not like me.
|
|
|
Post by Sleepy on Apr 1, 2009 15:24:23 GMT -5
Well my boyfriend broke up with me.
|
|
Akage
Full Member
Existentialist
Posts: 207
|
Post by Akage on Apr 1, 2009 15:41:15 GMT -5
Well my boyfriend broke up with me. Must've been an asshole, anyway. (((((Untilitsleeps)))))
|
|
|
Post by dantesvirgil on Apr 1, 2009 15:49:50 GMT -5
Yeah, I have to agree with Old Viking on this one. Someone who is trying to change your personality creeps me out. Some of my favorite people are quiet people. I'm a huge talker, so I don't know what it's like to feel uncomfortable in conversations, because it's never happened to me. I like people and I like hearing what they think. I have gotten a lot better at drawing quiet people (especially students) out over the years, though. So I don't really have much advice about becoming less shy. I will say though that my experience with shy people seems to indicate they think people are paying far more attention to what they're doing than is really the case; sometimes I think they think they're being judged when most people aren't really paying that much attention. So if you feel like people won't accept you, and that's why you're shy/quiet, that's just something to stop negatively reinforcing in your thoughts. My personal belief is that most people like getting to know other people and what they have to say. Apart from a minority of assholes, of course. You know what I think you need? People who make you comfortable with who you are. Not asshat boyfriends who demand you grow up to be just like them. But I'm sorry you went through the experience of the break up.
|
|
|
Post by Sleepy on Apr 1, 2009 16:51:58 GMT -5
Well, as long as I've already got this thread started... anyone have advice on dealing with this devastating breakup? This is my first one where I actually loved the guy. I don't want to be depressed for an extended period of time. And I don't consider him an asshole like some of you may or may not think. He really is a good guy. I talked to him today after the breakup and he told me he's not going to be a jerk about it, that that behavior would be completely inappropriate. And I ate lunch with him and discussed the situation, but I need to heal. He told me that this phase can be as depressing as I make it, and that I should try to think positive. And I'm sort of pessimistic, so this is really difficult. Any help?
|
|
|
Post by Sandafluffoid on Apr 1, 2009 17:04:48 GMT -5
Well, as long as I've already got this thread started... anyone have advice on dealing with this devastating breakup? This is my first one where I actually loved the guy. I don't want to be depressed for an extended period of time. And I don't consider him an asshole like some of you may or may not think. He really is a good guy. I talked to him today after the breakup and he told me he's not going to be a jerk about it, that that behavior would be completely inappropriate. And I ate lunch with him and discussed the situation, but I need to heal. He told me that this phase can be as depressing as I make it, and that I should try to think positive. And I'm sort of pessimistic, so this is really difficult. Any help? Well you could always take the traditional route of friends ice cream and chick flicks. Or you could dance. Whenever I'm feeling depressed I put on an awesome song and dance, like a camp idiot, alone in my room. Flailing about in a way that would be utterly unacceptable in any public place is surprisingly therapeutic.
|
|
|
Post by Lady Renae on Apr 1, 2009 17:19:52 GMT -5
You're already doing something to help get over him. You're hanging out with friends! Granted we're online people, but who says that doesn't count? ^-^
Anyway, if he was demanding you change who you are, he didn't deserve you anyway. I'm not just saying that. The relationship I'm in now is the first one in which I didn't feel like I had to go into chameleon mode and become something else in order to make the other person happy. Additionally (and probably partially as a result), this is the best, healthiest, and happiest relationship I've ever had.
Someday you'll find someone who doesn't need you to change. That day you'll have found someone worth keeping.
|
|
|
Post by trike on Apr 1, 2009 17:28:38 GMT -5
Well my boyfriend broke up with me. Fuck him, you deserve better! I wish I could offer advice for the devastating break-up part, friends are always a good bet. ((((((((untilitsleeps)))))))))
|
|
|
Post by Sandafluffoid on Apr 1, 2009 17:34:50 GMT -5
He really is a good guy. I talked to him today after the breakup and he told me he's not going to be a jerk about it, that that behavior would be completely inappropriate. And I ate lunch with him and discussed the situation, but I need to heal. He told me that this phase can be as depressing as I make it, and that I should try to think positive. And I'm sort of pessimistic, so this is really difficult. Actually not being a jerk about it is probably the worst thing he could do, the best thing you can do in a major breakup is bitch about him constantly, which is kinda hard if he's a good guy. But the important thing is to remember that it's not your fault, because it is really hard to properly hate a nice guy, but you can be friends with him later, at least for the next week or so tell every embarrassing story you know about him to your friends, and remember every time he was an idiot or did something you didn't like. You'll never get over a relationship if you only ever reflect on the good moments.
|
|
|
Post by The Lazy One on Apr 1, 2009 17:37:38 GMT -5
Well, as long as I've already got this thread started... anyone have advice on dealing with this devastating breakup? This is my first one where I actually loved the guy. I don't want to be depressed for an extended period of time. And I don't consider him an asshole like some of you may or may not think. He really is a good guy. I talked to him today after the breakup and he told me he's not going to be a jerk about it, that that behavior would be completely inappropriate. And I ate lunch with him and discussed the situation, but I need to heal. He told me that this phase can be as depressing as I make it, and that I should try to think positive. And I'm sort of pessimistic, so this is really difficult. Any help? Well, you're hanging out with us, so you're already doing something to help! ;D You know what I do when I feel depressed? I either go order kebabs (they're delicious) or go play Defend Your Castle. Just pretend that the person that wronged you is the stick figure you're making go splat. It makes me feel so much better. EDIT: I saw after you'd posted this that he wasn't being a jerk about it. So... uh, I take back the splatting thing. But sometimes him being nice about it can make it worse. I'm sorry.
|
|
|
Post by antichrist on Apr 1, 2009 17:40:48 GMT -5
Well being an animal person, I'd do dog training.
If you don't have a dog, go down to the SPCA/Humane society and take a poor abandoned guy for a walk.
Dogs are natures Prozac, they're just much more addictive.
|
|